[evash]

HI,

This is my first post.

Its been a month since my boyfriend and I split up. We were dating for two years and living together for one. He even met my parents and is in my sisters wedding video.
We have done so much together. I even stay over at his parents house.

We are a great match and when we are happy we are really happy. He always said he's so glad we are together. I am the first girl he's said I love you to, and his longest relationship. We have had the usual couple fights and worked through them. We were talking about getting engaged and buying a place together.
We broke up also year may because he had a loss in the family and needed space. We didn't talk for a month but got back together and that's when we moved in together. The break up made us stronger.
Every May is difficult for him and I need to be patient because he lost his mum and doesn't deal well with many stressful things at once. I know this about him and I always accommodate him. This time his family is in a lot of debt which he's helping pay, and we had a big fight about his friends at the same time, he then said maybe we need space and asked me to move out.
This time its different, he hasn't contacted me at all. He tells my friends he misses me and loves me still but he can't talk to me because its too painful.
I don't know if I should give him time or just let it go.

I know how I feel about him and I've been in love before... this is different. He's the one for me.
I tried to talk to him and he said to please stop.
Its been two weeks and we have had absolutely no contact. His friends tell me he's really distraught. t

He last time we spoke he said he's not saying its over he's just saying right now we have to be over. The unhappiness and fights were too much. And that he needs to reset. And that living together isn't working out right now but it doesn't mean we will never live together. I know men retreat to their caves when something bothers them, could it be that his family issues are really stressing him out and he doesn't want to deal with out fight right now? What do I gauge from this?

I'm not handling it well... I'm going for therapy and taking anti anxiety pills.
This fight that broke us up was not as bad as our previous ones. We could've worked it out. I even suggested counselling. But he just said no.
There isn't another woman, I'm sure of it. Its just him.
I know he loves me, I feel like he needs space. I'm upset with how he handled this whole situation but I secretly hope he comes back... I'm not ready to move on or let things go. I know how pathetic this sounds but one month is still very soon and I feel awful... everyday is a challenge.
I'm asking my friends for advice, some say let him go. Others say give him space because he really does love me. And he's definitely not seeing anyone else, I even got my friends to check. He's not that type.
He's drinking a lot and is always with his friends.

[smoothy]

Face reality, he ended it... and asked you to move out. He wouldn't do that if he still loved you.

You find another place to live before he has you evicted... and you move on with your life.

Another reality is life goes on, and you WILL get over him... but its only been a month. Or its been two weeks of No contact... give up on it... stop grasping at straws... save a little of your dignity.

And stop pestering your friends to get in the middle of this. It only makes you look desperate and pathetic. Sorry, that's not meant in a mean way... but no means no... and not only when woman says it. Trust me it can become stalking very, very easily. And I have pesonally had to deal with a woman who would not take no for an answer before....she wouldn't take a hint, she wouldn't take no when I tried being direct and nice...she wouldn't take no when I got nasty about it, and she didn't take no for an answer until I threatened to call the poilce after she kept showing up at my appartment at all hours. Don't let it go that far.

Like I said... save what dignity you have left and just move on... there are much better people out there... and the fact you are so certain he's the one for you, tells me you really haven't dated very many people yet. If this is the best you can do. Seriously... if it was meant to be... none of this would be happening. One day soon you will look back and see how right I am about this. And you will be wondering what you really saw in him after all.

When its right there won't be ANY of this sort of drama. Other than the occaisonal but rare disagreement over something.

[Homegirl 50]

Leave him alone and stop talking to people who give you updates on his condition.
It is doubtful that he would come back and for me after he has dumped you twice, I would not want him back.

[talaniman]

I really don't mean to be cruel, or harsh, but I feel rather strongly you must let him go and take care of yourself for your own good. You have accommodated his needs through trying times and have nothing to show for it but poor health. If you finally becoming willing to accept that this is the end after 2 years of this then you can finally do better for yourself, and heal.

That's what he is doing, and that's exactly what YOU must do. It may take years for you both to be healthy again in mind, body, and emotions, but unless you start now by dropping him from your conversations, and stop asking your friends about what he is doing, you can NEVER heal your broken heart and will be victim to false hope. While no one can know what the future holds, for sure unless you want to heal yourself and get your health back, you will never be healthy enough for anything, not even your own happiness. You will get worse.

Don't do that to yourself, it's just not fair to keep suffering when you don't have to. You have already given a lot to him, and you really should stop that, and start giving a lot to yourself, for YOUR own good, for a change. No it won't be easy at all, it's a helluva challenge, and might be the greatest one of your life so far, but you MUST meet it and overcome it, or drown in your own crap.

It really is time to stop mourning his loss, and celebrate your new life without him. I think you will once you get sick and tired of being sick and miserable.

[Jake2008]

What is your therapist telling you?

That you needed therapy, and anti-anxiety medication tells me there are symptoms that were present and getting worse, prior to the breakup. That you can't let go, is also a clue you need to stay in therapy and figure out why you can't. Have you had a diagnosis of anxiety in your past?

He was giving you excuses along the way as to why he was feeling the way he was- his mother's death for example. You say you 'accommodated' him, to help him through the tough times. You didn't say, comforted, loved, talked, or communicated that you were very concerned- accommodated is a cold way to express concern for someone you love, when they are hurting.

I say that as an example of how you minimize what you claim to be are factors that contributed to the breakup. I think there is much more to it. You do admit to fighting, and you don't say how the two of you resolved the issues that kept coming up over and over again. Things that you said happened, never seemed to be resolved.

Whatever the reasons for the breakup were, there was an imbalance in how the two of you worked toward resolution to problems. When communication goes south, the foundation of the relationship breaks down, and without serious effort, on both parts, the relationship will dissolve.

He has told you not to communicate with him. 'For now it's over' as he said, is a sort of back door way out of the relationship. It is also a strong enough message to you, that you wanting him back, isn't going to happen.

Learn from this. Stay in therapy and learn how the relationship ended up being over. It isn't easy to admit faults, and realize that you may have had at least a good part of the responsibility in the relationship ending. It wasn't all him.

Good luck to you.