[Thecrusader]

It all started a year ago... let me name her Angela for ease. We are friends from childhood but we came into contact again a year ago. She was very caring, loving, charming and active and also she tried to pull me towards her. We eventually came closer. She was all happy, she never got angry and all I wanted to do was to make her happy. She was happy. I sang songs for her on call and told her stories she loved them. Then eventually I started liking her and I told her that I had feelings for her. She replied negatively, but all her talks and signs were positive.

Then started the negative period. Her relations with some of her friends got worse, she slowly became impatient, started getting angry. Then after some time, she accepted that she loves me but its not possible because of her family. One day, she stopped talking and I didn't know the reason. She didn't pick up my call or didn't reply for 3 weeks. I felt too much pain. One day, she came back and asked to meet and we met. Things got normal again. We went out for lunches, watched movies on my laptop on the backseat of car. That was the golden time and she missed me every moment.

At that time I was the only friend of her but we were like a couple, but her fear stopped us from getting committed. One day she introduced me to her classmate. Don't know why and how, but her classmate asked her that how could she be with and like a dumb and idiot boy like me, how can she? She chatted with me only once and thought that I am dumb without meeting or talking. Then after Angela started mentioning dumb and idiot,and started getting angry with me without any valid reason. Her nature got worse. Before two months, after a movie, she pulled me towards her and kissed me and said that she loves me (I knew she did.. for past six months, but she didn't speak as she thought its impossible.. she did today), but she felt guilty and felt that she is cheating her mother if she loves me. She said she doesn't care about anyone, no one can stop her from being mine, and kept repeating "i love you". It lasted 3 days, she slept saying "I love you. I wish I could sleep in your arms".

From the next morning, she stopped talking. Cut all my calls. Stopped replying on whatsapp. For 20 days, it was hell for me. I didn't know why she was being so harsh. One day, I kept calling until she picked up. She did. But didn't talk. Then next day, she texted me and asked why I didn't let her go. She was about to forget me. And I reminded her everything. She will take revenge and said that I spoiled her life. I took her on wrong path. Made her cheat her mother. Then eventually she became normal. She said she misses me, but got uneasy when I asked to meet. About a week ago, she said she wants only me on her birthday. She wants to be with me all her life. But kept repeating that it's not possible. She called me to her home. Asked me to stay outside. Came to window and called on my phone, but cut the call in between and went inside saying bye.

I came back to home. Then she called again and asked "why did you go back to home. I hate you. 2 days ago, she went to her classmate's home for night out (who found me dumb and idiot). Again she said that all her friends find me dumb and idiot. I argued that they don't know me and have never met me. They have no right to say something like that about me. She said they are right and she is with them. When I messaged her today, she said don't you see, I am not interested in you. I really love her and I know that she also did. She didn't express as she was afraid of family and kept repeating it's impossible. It's like she has cycles of positivity and negativity. When she gets angry, she doesn't like anything. Any try of mine becomes worthless. Eventually now, she has no value for my efforts, my stories or songs I sing for her.

I want things to get normal. Her to be how she was a year ago. What should I do... if I give her time, what if she never comes back? What does she actually want? 2 days ago she said she wants me with her all her life. And today she said she is not interested in me. What do I do..? She is the only friend and love of mine. We have no mutual friends. She is talking to me right now on texts. But replies only to gm or gn. How things changes in 2 days. :(

I am afraid that our friendship will end.

[smoothy]

Cripes... to be blunt... you sound like a lovesick puppy. How old are you both anyway?

If she is your only friend... you got problems far worse than her getting cold feet. I'm honestly not surprised she eventually did this. SHe wants a man, and quite honestly you haven't been acting very masculine (I'm only guessing you are a guy, your actions don't seem much like it however).

Its not normal for anyone to be completely focused on one single individual to the exclusion of all others. Its actually smothering to the other person.

Start be getting your own life in order... learn what you did wrong... (I see many things) make friends... and don't develop unhealthy obsesions with one individual. Most will run away screaming when they realise whats happening.

Relationships start... most end... you pick up the pieces and move on with your life when they do.

[Thecrusader]

Thanks ...
it was like I held to it thinking that I should stand the worst of the person I love... only then I deserve their best... I have less friends.. but I stay busy with my cousins.. I never talk negatively with her.. and after all I am busy also with my studies.. just couldn't understand the way she behave..

before a week she says stay with me always... and today she says she is not interested... are all girls like her only??

thanks anyway.. :)

[smoothy]

First rule of life. Never sell yourself short. If you don't believe in yourself...nobodies going to believe in you.

Second rule of life. Everyone needs friends... Friends open the doors of opportunity to many things in life. Jobs are one example.. most jobs openings are never advertised... because they get enough applications from word of mouth. The more friends you have...the more opportunities you have in many things, and all things.

[Thecrusader]

So I need to be positive... and not afraid...

I should not try keeping her with me... and should rather be positive and successful... she herself will come to me...

Am I right?

[Wondergirl]

So I need to be positive... and not afraid...

I should not try keeping her with me... and should rather be positive and successful... she herself will come to me...

Am I right?

No, you will be positive and successful AND not think about her at all.

[Thecrusader]

Thank you very much...

:)

[smoothy]

You need to be positive... and you also need to let her go... everything about that relationship seems wrong on so many levels...

YOu have to understand... you don't make anyone stay... they stay because they want to... or they leave because they want to... and if everythingis right... they won't be wanting to go.

If they do keep going then comoig back... give them a boot... because people that can't make up their minds aren't people you want a relationship with. Everyone has a bad day from time to time... but if it becomes a regular occurrence... its time to cut the ties and move on.

I don't think she even knows what she wants yet... and I'm pretty sure you don't either.

You never said how old you both are, and its important because there are some mistakes that are common at certain ages... but REALLY uncomon at others.

[talaniman]

She has to obey her parents and that's a conflict you cannot overcome so put your love eyes in a more reasonable direction and keep your dignity and self respect. She is conflicted and that does not help you. Friends that cannot be a couple for whatever reasons, often go through this confusion, and heart break that follows trying hopelessly for what they cannot have as they want. That's just reality my friend.

[Thecrusader]

@smoothy: we are 21..

I am clear about what I want and I can support her.. she is not..

@talaniman: she has never asked to her parents about relationship... she is afraid that they won't allow without even asking them... cz she has never taken any decision without asking her parents... her mother knows me and when she asked her about friendship with me, she replied that I am a good person she knows me since I was a child.. and she has no problem if her daughter calls me when she can't sleep...
When she told her mother that I tell her stories, her mother smiled and made fun that she should save these stories and tell to her children in future... :)


But I think I should do as Wondeergirl replied...

[smoothy]

I think that's a good plan... leave her alone to figure her life out... move on with yours. Next person you find you will probibly see is an improvement over this one... and if that one isn't the one after that will be. It takes having been through a few bad relationships to help you see the bad things.

Meaning you won't know what a good relationship is until you've had some bad ones. If you are "having to settle" for anything in a relationship... then its not a good one to begin with. And when its broke from the beginning.. its never going to fix itself, nor can it be fixed.

She might be right for someone else eventually...but its clear she's not right for you. The right relationship when you find it, will just work.....without degrading yourself or giving up your dignity. Like a comfortable old pair of shoes...it just feels right. If its rubbing the wrong way here or there all the time....its not going to get better...its going to create huge blisters that never get time to heal.

You have to recognise them and understand you never "fix someone"....if they aren't right for you, move on until you find someone who is....and you will likely have to do it a few times. You won't know a success until you've had a few failures.

Chalk this one up as a failure and a learning experience.

[talaniman]

I think that's a good idea because to be honest she likes attention but isn't that into you. You are a fascinating distraction and a safe way to explore her female wiles.

[Homegirl 50]

Leave her alone. There is too much drama here and the back and forth pattern has already been established. It has become the norm, an unhealthy norm. Leave her alone. She is not the one for you.

[Jake2008]

I think this is a sad situation.

She gives you all the signals that she is very interested in you, and naturally, you believe her. You expect that things wouldn't go as they have, and that is what you need to consider now.

She has, it sounds like to me, one foot in one culture, and the other in another culture. And as you have implied, the culture she feels she must follow, is not the one that leads to love. She sounds like she is under the control of her parents, due to whatever reasons, and it is obvious that you do not fit into her world, for whatever reason.

Try to respect that she is naturally confused. But, the confusion always has the same conclusion, no matter who she is influenced by (her friends, or her family). Her first priority is her family and their wishes.

You won't win this battle.

That being said, regardless of how you continue to try to understand her confusion, it will not change the outcome, or the truth.

[Thecrusader]

Yeah I understand that her family is always going to win the tug of war(bitter side of indian culture)... I just couldn't understand why she fought with me...

She is under pressure because of her family... if I keep going.. she will be under pressure from my side as well... why should I give her more and more stress if she is already depressed... I am letting it go...

Without any fights.. any blames... any realizations... slowly... she won't even feel how I went this far..she will forget me... I will leave her... :)

[smoothy]

No person worth having is going to allow you give up your dignity... man or woman if they really care about you.

[Jake2008]

Good for you Crusader.

All of us have felt the pain of losing someone that could have been a special part of our lives. Many times, it has nothing to do with love. But it hurts.

I hope you will keep your resolve and realize that for all parties involved (including you), to keep going as you have, won't get you anywhere.

Best of luck in your future.