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pugster01 · Jan 31, 2007, 01:56 PM

I have been dating my girlfriend for over a year now and we have taken some time apart and in her words not as break but as "space". In the beginning of the relationship everything was good. I began to notice that she keeps a lot of her pain inside and does not bring it out. For instance when her mother left the state to accept a new job(6 months ago). For the past 5 days she has been giving hints that she wants to be single. When I finally conforted her about it she told me that she felt as though I have changed and that the relationship was not what it use to be. So we talked about going on a break which we tried starting to do but we ended up hanging out anyway because she called me. The feeling was still uneasiness for me. Couple of days later after being together she said she thought the relationship was too serious and did not want to have a boyfriend to answer to. She asked me such questions as "If I meet another guy and he was to ask me out, I would say yes," Her reasoning was not that she wanted any relations with him but to get know them so she could prove to herself that I was the one for her. I could not possibly continue the relationship this way and we ended up arguing for the rest of the night. It ended in taking space for a couple of days so she could think. She feels as though being in a serious relationship might not be for her and feels really confused. At the same time she still wants to be with me. She said she could not fathom living with me out and that she would accept being together if not to lose me. This does not feel right and I expect to blow up in my face if I continued like that. In the end of conversation she said that she wanted to be with me more then anything but just needs a few days of space. I loved this girl more then anything, more then any of my ex's, I am not sure what to do if she does happen to call in a few days...

Wildcat21 · Jan 31, 2007, 04:25 PM

I'd disappear for a while. Diappear. Don't contact her. Don't do it.

See - those were her 'tests' - she was testing you to see IF you were jealous. You failed.

I wondering if you've bee there too much for - contact her 3 times a day?

Too much you - not enough misisng you?

I think you need to disapper and not let her have you.

Seems like she has all the power I nthsi relationship and you gladly gave it to her.

For the love of god - give her space - and you get your head back on straight!!

pugster01 · Feb 1, 2007, 07:14 AM

In the end I we were hanging out a lot, perhaps almost everyday. And yes sometimes we would call "too much." for instance she would ask me to call her when I got to work, then she would call around lunch and then again in the afternoon. It was like we both were constantly checking up on each other. It was even getting to the point it was bothering me but I never said anything about. It's the second day so far, I spent most of yesterday a wreck, so I went out to the gym for 2 hours and then ended up spending all night hanging out with close buddies at the bar. I On my way home I felt so tempted to text to say anything but did not. Today I feel a bit better but its still so difficult not knowing she is only a phone call away.

talaniman · Feb 1, 2007, 07:20 AM

She does have a few issues to deal with, so give her what she wants and leave her alone. She will call and let you know what's on her mind so for now, try not to stress. Get in touch with how you feel. You both sound young, how old are you?

talaniman · Feb 1, 2007, 07:23 AM

Originally Posted by pugster01

In the end I we were hanging out alot, perhaps almost everyday. And yes sometimes we would call "too much." for instance she would ask me to call her when I got to work, then she would call around lunch and then again in the afternoon. It was like we both were constantly checking up on each other. It was even getting to the point it was bothering me but I never said anything about. Its the second day so far, I spent most of yesterday a wreck, so I went out to the gym for 2 hours and then ended up spending all night hanging out with close buddies at the bar. I On my way home I felt so tempted to text to say anything but did not. Today I feel a bit better but its still so difficult not knowing she is only a phone call away.

You both need a life you enjoy without each other.

pugster01 · Feb 1, 2007, 07:26 AM

I am 22 and she is 20.

SouthernBelle06 · Feb 1, 2007, 08:40 AM

The two of you definitely need some time apart. If she told you that if another guy asked her out she would say yes, it shows that her heart is not in this relationship right now. If the two of you carry on this way things will definitely blow up and result in someone getting hurt pretty badly. She may end up cheating or you two may end up on a permanent break/breakup. Listen to Wildcat on this one. Take a break. Both of you need to work on yourselves and your life problems by yourselves.

pugster01 · Feb 1, 2007, 08:44 AM

Before we took this space she said she would call me by Saturday and that she wanted to hang out for the superbowl. Do you think this is too soon? Should I extend the space/break?

pugster01 · Feb 1, 2007, 08:49 AM

I also want to say that during this whole ordeal she constantly said how good "space" did for her 3 other friends and their boyfriend. I understand we are not them, I just wonder if she is thinking the space thing would save the relationship.

talaniman · Feb 1, 2007, 10:21 AM

I just wonder if she is thinking the space thing would save the relationship.

It would work wonders if your lives where not so wrapped up in each other. Doing other things that you both enjoy without each other would sure make you appreciate one another more for sure.

Before we took this space she said she would call me by Saturday and that she wanted to hang out for the superbowl. Do you think this is too soon? Should I extend the space/break?

I'd rather watch with my buddies and drink beer and talk sports during the game, just me. You can call her Monday or Wednesday maybe. Chicks and football?? Yuch!!

Wildcat21 · Feb 1, 2007, 10:36 AM

Y9u need to understand to have a life away from her. You don't even ned to talk to her every day. Keep down to once AT MOST durin gthe day.

"In the end I we were hanging out alot, perhaps almost everyday. And yes sometimes we would call "too much." - KILLS dating relationships - KILLS them.

pugster01 · Feb 2, 2007, 07:47 AM

Well I guess it all blew up in my face anyway. I gave her the space, and she called me up and broke up with me. I was nice about it. Told her that I cared about her. She said she still wanted to see me and hang out. However she did this while I was at work and did not given me time to talk. We ended the conversation in her saying she still wanted to hang out and I agreed. I went home that night after work and realized I can not see this girl. I told her this and it drove her up a wall. She says that she only needs a break and space, but still wants to be single. She needs me to be there emotionally for her and hang out when she wants to hang out. But she still feels she needs to be single. How do I just hang out with her as friends after she gave up on us? How do I give her the emotional support of a boyfriend knowing she still might date someone else? All she says is that losing me would kill her, but if I gave her mental support through this then there is a chance in the future this could work (with no time frame could be years, Not that I asked for a time frame.)

pugster01 · Feb 2, 2007, 07:49 AM

We talked later that night for about an hour and I told her that she needs to be happy with herself and that she can not be with me knowing that she is unhappy. What she needs to do is figure out for herself what makes her happy even if that means being without me. She wants to meet up tonight and "talk" what would you guys do?? Also what I am wondering, she said that if I can't be there for her while she is single and give her the emotional support she needs she is going to end up hating me forever and there will never be a chance to get back together, any insight on this? Last night when she hung up the phone she said I love you twice to me.

pugster01 · Feb 2, 2007, 08:21 AM

She has called me today and asked me to hangout, my feelings are hurt but I don't know what to do. She says she can picture herself with me in the future, and she understands that I can't see her. She really seems happy being without me. She wants to stay my friend and continue calling and contacting me. I find it so hard to see her and want to spend time with her, it feels like its killing me. To her its nothing.

talaniman · Feb 3, 2007, 11:39 AM

Originally Posted by pugster01

We talked later that night for about an hour and I told her that she needs to be happy with herself and that she can not be with me knowing that she is unhappy. What she needs to do is figure out for herself what makes her happy even if that means being without me. She wants to meet up tonight and "talk" what would you guys do????? Also what I am wondering, she said that if I can't be there for her while she is single and give her the emotional support she needs she is going to end up hating me forever and there will never be a chance to get back together, any insight on this? Last night when she hung up the phone she said I love you twice to me.

To give some one an ultimatum is a desperate attempt to control. This is a gigantic RED flag in my book. This doesn't work for me at all.

talaniman · Feb 3, 2007, 11:45 AM

Originally Posted by pugster01

She has called me today and asked me to hangout, my feelings are hurt but i dont know what to do. She says she can picture herself with me in the future, and she understands that I can't see her. She really seems happy being without me. She wants to stay my friend and continue calling and contacting me. I find it so hard to see her and want to spend time with her, it feels like its killing me. To her its nothing.

Look out for your own interest, which is something she cannot even see right now. How can you break up one day and want to hangout the next. Exit stage right, get out of there and leave this confused female to her own problems. This has gone from seeing too much of each other to suffocating to giving ultimatums, not healthy. Re-read this whole thread and see the unhealthy progression of events leading up to now.