[catsmith]

This is a long one, bear with me here...

My ex and I have been mostly together for over two years, we met and fell in love on sight, unfortunately we live 1200 miles apart, we are both 22 and finishing school. We did the long distance thing for about 6 months. It went well but we spent too much time on the phone with each other and not enough on our own school and lives, things were perfect though and there was an incredible passionate bond between us. I ended up moving in with him off and on for about a year. We both knew it was temporary as I had to finish school. We had major problems at first, we were totally in love, but I was his first everything at age 21 and it was scary for him, he made mistakes in the way he treated me. Due to this, and my past baggage, I became incredibly controlling, pushy and jealous and angry, treating him like this and expect him to continue being there for me... he was a trooper through it all and was so good to me even though I was acting like a monster. Finally, he ended things, we were both crushed, we still talked, though it was strained. A few months after the break up I went to visit him for about a month. We had great conversations and worked through many of our problems, he told me that he wanted to work things out but we need to see if our problems would still be OK once we resumed talking long distance... at first things went fine though quickly, my negativity (and one very negative friend) got the best of me and I started picking fights constantly, panicking, pushing him to be with me,etc. He began calling less and made it clear that he was in love with me, but was very afraid of being together and having all the same problems again.

I asked for some space to get myself together, I called after a month and even though I thought I had changed, I immediately freaked out when he didn't answer right away and called him all day until he did, I told him I was having a lot of emotional problems and he was understanding and told me, though he missed me, it was nice to get away from the constant fighting, he told me it was hard to see a time when he wouldn't be so afriad of our relationship again (because I had been showing all the characteristics that I had when things were a mess.) then he asked for me for some space, and to trust that he would call when he had more time to talk about us...

I began going to counseling to help my anger and control issues, I feel like a new, balanced person... He is meant to call over winter break and I am terrified that I have pushed him too far again... It's hard for me because this is the first time that I am actually listening to him and giving him the chance to call me... I guess my question is how do I begin to show him the changes I am making in my life?. Is it possible to start slowly working things out when all you have is a phone for a while... or is it possible to build a relationship back up after it has fallen so many times... I also sit and fret that in asking for his space he is trying to tell me something bad... or I don't even know, do people really take space and have it be really good for a relationship?. I'm so confused... some advice please?



Thanks :)

[lmnotok]

"my question is how do I begin to show him the changes I am making in my life" ---> He can see it so obviously in the way you talk to him IF you really have changed! YOu don't need to explain or tell him how.. etc... its something that appears in the voice, tone, and the way of thinking, talking! SO be comfortable.

And for the whole situation, l guess my advice for you is: you guys should be friends for a while, getting to know each other more then, if he's really yours then oneday he will be back for you!

[ordinaryguy]

Long distance drama describes it perfectly, I'd say. If you really have changed, it will be obvious; if not, that will be obvious too. If he is willing to get back into the relationship, your changes will be tested by it. If not, your changes will be tested some other way. Growing up and learning emotional maturity is a long and sometimes painful process. It's a good thing we have other inexperienced people to do it with. Pace yourself, learn patience with yourself and others.

[Wildcat21]

Long Distance relationships are too hard - I don't wish them on anyone.

The temptations are too great.

I think it's great you really realise you need to work on yourself.

I do think you need a lot omore time to work on you and grow up. There's no reaso not have insecuirties is you trust soemone.

With all the fighting gand insecurities... I don't think you should be with this guy.

Maybe in 6 months or a year start fresh.