Is it really THAT selfish?

itjustcliccs · Nov 13, 2006, 01:55 PM

Last summer I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years to see another man. The other man was someone I was only acquainted with in my youth, but after several years of not seeing or even thinking of each other we instantly clicked. Though my now ex-boyfriend and I were not on solid ground for a few months, itt was a really messy situation and if I could go back I would have not been so careless with people's feelings, but it happened, so I can't change that.

First off, I know I shouldn't have jumped immediately into a new relationship after 6 years. But I see lots of potential in him. The problem is that I still care very much for my ex and want to be in touch with him, especially since he was wonderful to talk/rant to, especially about financial and professional topics... something my new boyfriend is not so great at. However, I know being in touch with my ex --with him knowing I'm with someone else-- kills him.

Is it really THAT wrong to continue contacting him, even if my ex says it's okay? I want him to move on especially since my feelings for him changed a while ago, but I also know that he can't move on if I keep running back to him. I know I'm being selfish by going to my ex just to rant about non-relationship advice... but he was my best friend. He knows me inside and out and I wish I could still talk to him. I can talk to my boyfriend now and we're very open, but some topics I just know my ex would understand immediately. Should I just leave him alone? If so, should I leave him alone FOREVER? I can't imagine that...

MJ6216 · Nov 13, 2006, 02:39 PM

I Think You Need To Leave Him Be For A While And Like Once Every Blue Moon Give Him A Call Or An Email Seeing How He Is Doing!!

valinors_sorrow · Nov 13, 2006, 03:04 PM

A great many people don't fare well with ex's as friends so don't be surprised if you run into more and more unanswered calls or even an outright request not to call anymore. And yes, there is a somewhat selfish rub in attempting to create an arrangement of essentially having your cake and eating it too, isn't there? Careless with people's feelings is your word for it, perhaps. But then maybe "killing him" once isn't enough, you need to kill him over and over-- again, your words..

Skell · Nov 13, 2006, 03:45 PM

Yes you are right. It is extremely selfish. He doesn't want to be used for conversation about finance... c'mon..

He loved you and you broke his heart. He will always feel that pain!

The last thing he needs is you contacting him.

Please leave him alone. No more contact for any reason whatsoever. If you really want him to move on then you must do that!

You are continuing to be careless with his feelings now by contacting him.

You have already destroyed this man once. Don't continue to do so for your own selfish reasons. You may mean well but in actually fact it is anything but a good idea.

Wildcat21 · Nov 13, 2006, 04:24 PM

Sounds like your making gthe Ex plan B - If I were you ex and read that post I would RUN!! Yu sound really mixed up.

I agree - having your cake and eating it as well.

Your ex owes you nothing and YES you sound very selfish.

As you described your current guy - he doesn't sound that great.

I thnk deep down you know you made a mistake - but ex will never come back.

LEAVE YOUR EX ALONE! Very selfish.

s_cianci · Nov 13, 2006, 05:26 PM

Yes, the kindest thing you could do for him is to leave him totally and completely alone. Given the way you feel (or don't feel), he needs to move on and that won't happen if you keep going back to him and giving him false hope. Actually, he should know better as well and make it a point not to have any contact with you, even if you initiate it. However, the decent thing for you to do now is to stay away from him.

chuff · Nov 13, 2006, 05:49 PM

You're a very mean person.

talaniman · Nov 13, 2006, 08:44 PM

I hope you have listened to every one here and take it to heart what they have said. Think of how someone else feels sometimes.

Krs · Nov 14, 2006, 01:59 AM

Originally Posted by itjustcliccs

Should I just leave him alone? If so, should I leave him alone FOREVER? I can't imagine that...

I think deep deep down you know your answer... :cool:
I feel, otherwise you wouldn't be here asking and questioning if its wrong.

You know who I try and understand feelings and comprehend with people...
If the situation was reversed, how would you feel? :rolleyes:

Sentra · Nov 14, 2006, 05:17 AM

I think you meant to leave him alone 'forever', else you wouldn't have dumped him. You should figure out what it is you want in a companion, and realize that the person you fall in love with for life may NOT have everything you are looking for, but they might end up being everything you aren't and love them regardless.

SouthernBelle06 · Nov 22, 2006, 02:20 AM

Yes, please leave him alone. I know the pain your ex is going through because I am currently in his shoes dealing with this very thing and it hurts. It certainly prolongs the healing process for him. Very selfish in my opinion. If I have ever hurt a guy, I at least had enough respect to leave him alone and let him find someone else and heal. Sorry to be harsh, but it's simply the truth.:confused:

ordinaryguy · Nov 22, 2006, 12:04 PM

You seem to be having doubts about your choice, and maybe you should, but it's too late now. You've made your bed, so lie in it. Leave your ex alone. He's suffering enough without you rubbing salt in the wound.

Wildcat21 · Nov 22, 2006, 12:09 PM

Yes, she has zero respect for her ex. He'll never trust her again.

Sounds like me, me, me - he's lucky he is not with her.

talaniman · Nov 22, 2006, 02:09 PM

Is it really THAT selfish?

Yes it is selfish, and cruel, since you know how he feels.

valinors_sorrow · Nov 22, 2006, 02:13 PM

LOL, I think the point was made... and made... and made!

Now whether this was a for-real deal and she listens or it was just an eddie haskell exercise in poking us all with a hot stick to see how far we jumped... who knows? :eek:

BIM · Nov 22, 2006, 02:25 PM

Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

Now whether this was a for-real deal and she listens or it was just an eddie haskell exercise in poking us all with a hot stick to see how far we jumped... who knows? :eek:

Sometimes I wonder about this very comment. :cool: Are they all the real deal? :confused:

chuff · Nov 22, 2006, 11:39 PM

Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

LOL, I think the point was made... and made.... and made!

Now whether this was a for-real deal and she listens or it was just an eddie haskell exercise in poking us all with a hot stick to see how far we jumped... who knows? :eek:

I wonder this too. Sometimes the problem seems so difficult to believe yet at the same time it's hard to believe somebody would make up such a story. The one that comes to mind is the woman who was married for 40 years and just found out her husband went to a strip club 25 years ago and she was now on the verge of divorce.

Shinobi · Nov 23, 2006, 12:35 AM

That's a terrible thing to have done to someone you care about. You gave up something you really cared about for something you wanted to "try". Very selfish...

BIM · Nov 24, 2006, 08:22 AM

Originally Posted by itjustcliccs

Is it really THAT wrong to continue contacting him, even if my ex says it's okay? . Should I just leave him alone? If so, should I leave him alone FOREVER? I can't imagine that...

How come we haven't heard anything back from "just cliccs" -- doesn't like the answers maybe?

Hmmmmmmmmm

Wildcat21 · Nov 24, 2006, 11:42 AM

Yes - I think there are a few fakers - but we have to answer, if you wish.

You know they're fakers when the don't come back and respond or defend themselves.

Bad way to get your jollies - kind of sick