[Idgey]

My parents had a really nasty divorce a couple of years ago, that ended with me living with my dad and my twin and older sister living with my mum. Before I moved in with him, I knew he had a girlfriend, and I met her a few times. She seemed nice, I guess, but I didn't really know her well.

Now, I moved out of my mum's place because, during the divorce, she had lied about my dad is my siblings, and for whatever reason they believed her without asking his side first. I continued to talk to him, and became public enemy number one in her house- with a lot of abuse. She even called the police once and tried to get them to arrest me for assaulting her, when in reality, I was the one with the bruises. She's always been a physically abusive parent, and the only reason I stayed for so long was because I worried about my twin.

When I moved in with my dad, at first everything was fine. We spent time together, and I finally got to know him properly. As a child, I'd never really seen him much, since he works long hours as a surgeon, but we got to a point where we were more like friends than father-daughter. Things went downhill when his girlfriend started getting more hostile towards me. She'd often complain bitterly if I tagged along when we went anywhere, but naturally didn't mind if her daughter was the one that went with them- she was about ten at the time, I think.

When me and my dad were asked to leave the house we were renting, as the owners needed to move back in, she offered to let us stay at her house. At this point, me and her were in that 'polite-friendly' stage that people who don't know each other well get to. I didn't know at the time that she'd already threatened to break up with my dad because she didn't like how I was around- she'd started their relationship when I lived with my mum, and was under the impression that she'd never have to deal with any of my dad's children.

Long story short, the situation dissolved rapidly, until she turfed us out because she couldn't stand me being in her house- something about me baring a resemblance to a girl who slept with her ex husband once or something, I was never sure. She also sent my dad photos of some of my diary pages, but my dad respected my privacy and deleted the photos without reading them.
After six months of living somewhere else, and my dad coming to the conclusion he couldn't continue a relationship with someone who hated his daughter, they split up, and my dad got a new girlfriend. I've always felt that it was my fault they split up, as my dad used to make comments about how, as the child, I should have apologised ( I didn't know what for) and so I was extra careful to be open and welcoming to his new girlfriend.

His new girlfriend, whilst initially nice, has started manipulating him. He's become short tempered with me over things we used to laugh about together, and if ever I make plans with him, he'll blow me off to spend them with her. He's always anxious to buy her things, or take her places, and I don't mind that he wants time away from me, but I'm beginning to feel I'm being butted out of my own house (and I can say that, because when we moved, part of my inheritance from my grandmother helped cover the deposit, so technically I helped by our home).

I've tried to talk to him about it, but he denies that anything has changed between us, and that of course he cares etc. We used to be so close, and now I can't help but feel like she's taken priority over me. I don't like to sound jealous, but when my own dad no longer has time for me, it's hard not to get a little bitter.
I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to try and talk to my dad about this without the same thing happening with this girlfriend that happened with the last one, because I saw how that broke his heart having to choose between us, and I don't want that to happen again.

[talaniman]

I don't know how old you are but its very apparent your dad gets into relationships very easily and as long as he goes from girlfriend, to girlfriend, you will be competing for his time. I don't know how old you, are but maybe its time for you to be more independent and let the relationship with your dad flow more naturally and you have a life of your own. He really does love you, but is unable to be without a female it seems and as long as that's happening he will be torn and you are caught in the middle. I don't think it's a matter of repairing your relationship as it is a matter of letting it develop on its own.

That's done over time so think long term because these short term girlfriends may not be around long enough to be jealous of, but they show their true colors eventually, so don't worry about them at all and focus on you and not his relationships that are in the early stages. His distraction with them is but a normal part of his new love, and will fade as most new loves do but I doubt he stops looking for love, and you have to accept that you have a single dad looking for love. LOL, he has a life and no reason you should not have one that you enjoy as you both heal, and adjust to what you have been through.

Its your dad, and you have him, but he has females who want him and you have to stay busy with your own life more, and give some space to his new relationships, and eventually they will get you are not going anywhere and the way to his heart is through you. The same thing will happen when you start dating someone and cannot spend as much time with him, and its normal, and natural, so let him have his fun. Have your own.

How old are you and do you have a life that you enjoy besides your dad? With friends, people and activities that bring you joy and happiness?

[Idgey]

I'm 17, and I'm a bit shy, but I have a large and fairly active social circle. I'm happy enough when I'm out and about, but when I get home the atmosphere is completely different to how it used to be.
Thank you for your advice. For now, I suppose the best thing to do is to wait it out and see what happens.

[talaniman]

It cannot be easy for any single parent who works and has any social life. Moving about as you have though takes adjustments to the changes. Sounds like you may be alone a lot.

[Idgey]

Sometimes, yes. He works long hours. In terms of moving, we have done a lot of that in the past 18 months. This is our sixth move. Again, thank you for your advice.