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that girl · Nov 30, 2007, 04:07 PM

I have a question about a relationship. I have been seeing this gentleman for about 10 months we have been friends longer. WE have been like friends with benefits. I started to have feeling for him. I would get upset with him and he would say it is over and he would then come back into my life again. We use to have sex 2 to 3 times a week. Now he says only once a week. The last time he took me back he said he was working on trying a new relationship but had not found one. We have been togeather numerous times since the commet. What is going on with this guy? Does he care about me or is it just really about the sex? He doesn't talk to me as much as he use to. Is he seeing someone else. Does he care for me? Can anyone answer theses questions. It can not be only about the sex or is it?

J_9 · Nov 30, 2007, 04:15 PM

I'm sorry to sound so crass here... But why should he care for you? You are FWB, he doesn't need you, he doesn't love you, if he did he would be more committed to you.

Why should he commit when he knows you will just give it up whenever he wants it?

Yes, dear, it's just about the sex. Now, have you been tested for STDs recently?

charlotte234s · Nov 30, 2007, 04:18 PM

Basically, I'm guessing he doesn't give a crap, and he is just using you for sex.

that girl · Nov 30, 2007, 05:15 PM

Yes I have been tested and he was mad when I told him I was because he claimed he was clean. Do you think he is with another woman also now

that girl · Nov 30, 2007, 05:20 PM

Why would a person want you back in there life when they really got mad and you said a lot of bad things to them. He always wants me to come back it is the sex? He could get that anywhere

kiki_doki · Nov 30, 2007, 05:27 PM

Yes he does want you back Because the sex is free and on his terms, he controls how often and when you are allowed to see him! If you are allowing him to get what he wants and sell yourself cheap then he knows he doesn't have to treat you nicely because you have accepted this all along... this for you is "Normal". You don't even seem too bothered about the fact that he's using you and you're allowing it... you want to know if he's seeing someone else. I hope he is and then hopefully you can both have a meaningful relationship with other people... move on!!

that girl · Nov 30, 2007, 07:56 PM

So you are telling me to ignore and he will go away? So you are telling me that if he comes back in a few months it is just for the sex? How would I know if it is not really that

J_9 · Nov 30, 2007, 08:01 PM

Hun, what we are telling you, and I don't mean to sound harsh, but he is USING you. He is using you for sex because he knows you will give it up. He knows that you will lie down with him when he wants it, on his terms.

Tell him to take a hike, you deserve better. You deserve someone who is committed to you, and it is obvious he isn't.

that girl · Nov 30, 2007, 08:24 PM

And if he come back saying he wants a commitment don't believe him. Ok my friend said they believe he really cares about me and just is not ready for a commitment but I guess you are all right and I need to ignore him all togeather and he will go away

J_9 · Nov 30, 2007, 08:44 PM

You can ignore him, but your best bet is to tell him that you are done with this relationship. That you are finished being his "release." If he wants a relationship with you then it will be on your terms with no sex involved.

Cut him off completely.

that girl · Nov 30, 2007, 08:48 PM

Amazing that they don't change no matter wha the age. We are both in our 50s what was I thinking

J_9 · Nov 30, 2007, 08:50 PM

Nope, they don't change, especially if you are giving it for free with no strings attached.

that girl · Dec 1, 2007, 04:19 PM

I appreciate all you help in this subject it says you are a health expert. In what capacity. I can alos be called a health expert for what I do in the medical field this is the hardest thing to give up a habit that has been going on for 10 months that is what it is a habit

charlotte234s · Dec 2, 2007, 01:11 AM

Here's something or you to think about... why buy the cow when you get the milk for free? This guy's a jerk, dump his butt and find someone better who wants a real relationship.

simoneaugie · Dec 2, 2007, 03:55 AM

Hmmm, everyone sounds so harsh. You did describe the relationship as "friends with benefits." The usage of the other person's body for sex is going both ways. However, if you're questioning the relationship or wanting more than he's giving, move on. He's fun, but it sounds like you're ready for something more serious. He isn't, not with you anyway.

that girl · Dec 2, 2007, 08:19 AM

Thank you for not being so harsh but direct. Even thought the harshness is very effective. Yes it was f reinds with benefits and it was a muctal agreement but like most woman you can not continue it forever that our emotions eventually get involved in the situation and mine did. We were both up front about everything and when I told him of my emotions he started being differrent I got mad said terrible things to him and he left not once but 3 times but always came back talking to me first and then sex. I am the one who must decide if I want to continue to let him use me for sex but now I am aware that is all it is. I was trying to see something that was not there thinking that since he keep coming back after myself being cruel to him with terrible words. Trust me what I said to him even if he was using me you would nvever even talk to or give a secong thougth to me. I can be of very sharp tongue that can hurt you. Many years of practice. But now with your help things are clear to me not second guessing it is about the sex with him... And when I decide to leave and it is over then he is the one who loses not me. And if and when he decides he had feeling for me it will be to late. Thank all of you for making my head put on correctly and helping me take of those rose color glasses that I keep looking through

that girl · Dec 2, 2007, 08:19 AM

Thank you for not being so harsh but direct. Even thought the harshness is very effective. Yes it was f reinds with benefits and it was a muctal agreement but like most woman you can not continue it forever that our emotions eventually get involved in the situation and mine did. We were both up front about everything and when I told him of my emotions he started being differrent I got mad said terrible things to him and he left not once but 3 times but always came back talking to me first and then sex. I am the one who must decide if I want to continue to let him use me for sex but now I am aware that is all it is. I was trying to see something that was not there thinking that since he keep coming back after myself being cruel to him with terrible words. Trust me what I said to him even if he was using me you would nvever even talk to or give a secong thougth to me. I can be of very sharp tongue that can hurt you. Many years of practice. But now with your help things are clear to me not second guessing it is about the sex with him... And when I decide to leave and it is over then he is the one who loses not me. And if and when he decides he had feeling for me it will be to late. Thank all of you for making my head put on correctly and helping me take of those rose color glasses that I keep looking through

masonh1 · Dec 3, 2007, 09:06 AM

Maybe Because He Is Shy Or Keeping A Secreat From You

Masonh1

that girl · Dec 3, 2007, 09:44 AM

What kind of a secret can he be keeping? And shy I don't think so

that girl · Dec 13, 2007, 10:38 PM

I have a up date for all of you. YOU were all so right I point blank why he keeps wanted to keep me around. Here is his answer. You like sex, you can be here in 20 minutes, you climax most of the time, and you leave after I fall asleep. What does this sound like I am? Go ahead say the word I already have said it more than once. Does it make any of you sick or you expected it? He is so gone and I don't care what happens to him. He did finally confess to me that he has not had sex with anyone but me since we are togeather. Oh big whoopi doesn't hold a candel to what he thought I was