My Life I just want to die (LONG STORY OF MY LIFE)
My whole life are always ended with betrayal and downfalls I just want to end it. I believe in God and I know he always helps me but sometimes him helping me is just not enough. When I was in grade 6 I was always bullied I hated life but I tried to stay strong and positive. A few weeks later a new student came to our school and he became my best friend till now he was always there for me and I was always there for him. The bullies would try to make me look bad in front of him but he was always by my side. Until year 7 when I had my first girlfriend, I didn't know anything about love and just thought it was fun and games until she cheated on me for my best friend. I wasn't mad at all but I felt betrayed at that moment and it was also my birthday party when she cheated on me. I still didn't mind because I knew that I will always be there for him as he was my only close friend. A year past and he broke up with her and I had 2 more exes at that point I realised that getting into a relationship isn't fun and games. I got serious about my relationships and I formed a big group of friends at year 8. I suddenly got depressed about life and why I'm here, I pray to god everyday I do the rosary and attend mass every week, but I was still depressed my best friend became a sex addict and was just going out with girls and just f***ing them. So I had no one else I rely on, I tried to suicide but I thought to myself, who would I lose and what would I achieve. Soon after I got back on my feet and stayed positive about life for 2 years, knowing that God was with me wherever I go. But now my best mate is going through hard times, like his girlfriend having sex with another person in Vietnam while he's in Melbourne not knowing a thing, I feel sorry for him and when he found out he didn't care. I worried for him and told him to break up with her, but he isn't listening, its currently their 1 year and 4 months together and she is two timing and he already knows about it, yet he doesn't care. I'm worried about him but I'm more worried about myself as I just met a girl a few months ago and now we are in a serious relationship. But as for my school life my group of friends who I rely on have betrayed me and abandoned me. They all hate me and I have no one to go to, my best friend is positive but I know he is struggling as we are both Year 10 now almost into our VCE years I want to study medicine and become a GP but I feel that it isn't worth it, to be alone for another 2 years, no one to rely on and no one to help me. I am currently suffering from depression as my friends all hate me for some unknown reason, I hate life and I hate myself, God isn't here for me and I feel alone. I'm terrified to even go outside, I just want to end it now and then my friends can realise what they did to me to make me go into that state.The question I want to ask is. Why is life so cruel, I just hate it, I can't even think straight I had a goal in life and now its shattered into pieces my modivation is gone and now all I want to do is die. Please help me I am so lost on what to do.
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