[Mom555]

How do I get over a bad decision that is hugely impacting my and my daughter's life?

I have been a single parent for all of my adult daughter's life. She is now 21. A few months ago, I was offered a job promotion in another state, we discussed it at length. She is in college and planned on staying there and when she graduated moving out with me to look for a job. I sold the house and moved.

Within 3 months, she became extremely depressed and unhappy, saying she couldn't get along with her roommate, that she didn't have any friends, her schoolwork was failing, and she needed to leave. So I went back, got her and moved her out here with me.

Three months later she is unhappy here. She says she doesn't have any friends. She now has a bunch of friends back there--these are people she is on Facebook with, whom she didn't associate with in person before--all Facebook stuff. Now she wants to go back.

I don't have the money to move her back, she can't go back to the university because it's too expensive now. She's currently in community college here, and will go with in-state tuition to the university if she can get the credits in to transfer. She insists she doesn't want to go to school here. She gets depressed with saying she's not meeting people, she won't go to therapy, she says this isn't home and never will be. I've got her in to see a doctor for ADD because I think she's stopped taking her medicine. She did make a friend here at a retail job she got but quit it after 3 weeks because it was too busy.

She did get another job that's more to her suiting, but it isn't one where she will meet people her own age. I'm not crazy about it out here either but right now there's nothing I can do about it. How can I make things work out for us without making her hate me?

She doesn't seem to think it matters about being close to family.. again.

[talaniman]

Let her hate you and figure things out for herself. Then she will see for herself how hard life is and how mommy has spoiled the freak out of her 21 year old baby.

Its hard to let our children go, so they can grow, but it is for her own good. She will love you later trust me.

[amicon]

She needs to grow up.

I suggest you let her sort out her own business,as the adult she should be.

[hidden123]

She sounds like a spoiled brat. Plus - she is letting out her frustration on you and using your "mother's guilt" against you.

Have a talk and ask her exactly what is she suggesting? If you're unable to pay for her expensive tuition - may be she needs to get a job/loans and pay for her own tuition. I agree that she needs to sort out her problems and you should try and not get dragged in and get blamed for her frustrations.

[mystific]

My daughter is 7 and tries very slyly to get her own way... just because she knows I'll cave because it makes me feel bad.

At 13+ Im only imagining the battle of wills that will occur. And I look forward to them with great anticipation.

At 21... she's an adult. She needs to get a healthy dose of 'grow the hell up' and start standing on her own two feet. How many young adults are doing it for themselves at this age with parents, single parents or no parents.

You can't be responsible for her, her whole life. How long do you intend on pandering to her selfish ways?

She is manipulating your heart (as a woman you know we do when we want something) and making you feel guilty for her lazy a$$ actions.

Tell her you love her.. support her when YOU feel she needs the support, talk with her if she wants to talk.. but really, she needs to do it for herself or you'll continue doing it through her life. You had to deal with a lot worse as a single parent I've no doubt, and you made it.

So will she. If he's has an ounce of self preservation, she'll learn from her strong willed and determind mother, that she too can achieve anything.