[misstlong70]

I have been separated for almost 2 years now and have been married for 5 years. Still during our separations we would talk to each other a couple of times and laugh like we did before we got married and in the early part of our marriage. But still for the past 2 years I wanted a divorce in order to move on and never followed through and just recently he has got on the band wagon to proceed, but stopped. (Money issues he says) Since our parting he has had 2 children with 2 different women, but not with the woman he left me for and dated for the 2 years. He recently started calling and wants me to meet one of the children he has custody of. (He is no longer with the girlfriend.) Why is he calling again? His response was that he was thinking of me. Well a "thinking of you" conversation usually last with a 2 hour phone call. I have received a call every day for almost that long. He has apologized and said that he wish he could do it all over again. He even asked if I would go out of town with him to one of our favorite destinations. Of course I still love him and I always will, but really not sure where this is going. I'm not even sure if this could be repaired since there is so much damaged from both sides. But he knows that he can pull at my heart with the kids because he knows that I really want kids but have never been able to go to full term while we were together. He knows that I still care for him. But should either of us waste our time especially since there are now kids involved?

[JBeaucaire]

No magic answers here, I'm afraid.

You both still have all the old feelings. Ignore them. You didn't break over feelings, you broke up over actions.

Sounds like after he left you he didn't change his cheating "spread the love" ways, did he? Kids with multiple women, less than 2 years and at least 3 women that you KNOW of? My, my.

He calls you back because you're an easy target. He wants something for himself, he was well-practiced at using your feelings to his benefit in the past, he is giving it a shot again. Remember, your feelings let you get led down the path over this guy before.

When he says he wishes he could do it all again, he doesn't mean what YOU would mean if you said that. He means he would go back and do a better job of hiding his cheating ways so he didn't get caught. He means he would be sneakier and smarter in his sins.

It is FAR less likely he means he would be a totally different person. Guys don't change like that. But they do regret what they lose, when they stop to think about it. He's thought it about and wants you back. It's really all about him, though.

So, be complimented. You're probably the BEST of all the women he's been with in the past 5 years. I wish that were a better prize than it really is.

You can continue to be the best thing he ever lost, but only if you're strong. If you bring him back, keep in mind his words mean no more now than they did 3 years ago.

You will be getting back the same man you lost. If that's OK with you, then take him back with your eyes wide open.

Whichever your choice, you will have to be strong afterwards. Good luck.

[igman]

I agree with JB... and I AM a guy. Also, it would be a totally different ballgame of emotions and feelings that come with reconciling with a cheating spouse. In your instance there are 2 additional kids that are not yours. You will have to deal with the very real possibility that they will be a part of your life forever. My sister-in-law's husband did the same thing (3 other kids in additon to the 4 they have together) and they are heading towards divorce. I know it is difficult to have foresight at this time but try to and see if getting back together is really going to work. My final answer would be to walk away.

[Ash123]

I am not usually this blunt, but let me state this as simply as possible.

Your heart is still open but your chances for a happy life with this man are closed.

He's not a good guy. Sorry. I think you need to fight your instinct to follow bad guys.

If you have a child with him, you are not being fair to that child: He or she deserves better!!!

Was your father a dependable and loving man? If he was or wasn't, you have learned somewhere that bad guys are worth chasing. When you are old, you want to be holding hands with a real man - not a mess. Go find a real man and prove your strength and cut the old guy out 100% -- or you will never heal enough to find mr. right.

Can you handle all that? I hope so. It is a path to the life you want.

[talaniman]

He needs a baby sitter, not you! It didn't work without kids, Darn sure won't work with them.