[Jason8676]

Hello,
My girlfriend and I have apparently split up. She gave me no indication of her intentions to begin with. Therefore, since she has stopped calling or seeing me I can conclude that she no longer wants to be with me and is seeing another guy. We last saw each other on September 4 of this year. Since then she has called twice, once from her phone and once from her friends phone over a week later. She left no message either time. I did not call her back as I was ticked off at her for not spending more time with me and some other issues(will explain later). It was not until September 26 that she called again, leaving no message as the last time. I did not return her call as I was in no rush to talk to her. Now it is approaching the two month mark and I have continued to maintain no contact with her. I have no idea as to why she stopped seeing me because we saw each other on a regular basis when our work schedules permitted. If she called me, I would answer or call her back if I had a chance. Even if I did not return her call, she would just come right on over and see me anyhow. She was usually the one that called first and she has told me in the past that she wishes I would start calling.
Prior to our separation, I have noticed several things that really jump out at me that are disturbing.
First, when we were together, she would receive calls on her cell phone from other guys that she works with. When confronted, she always insisted they were just friends and nothing more. She was always very secretive about what was contained in her phone. I told her that she could look at everything in my cell phone as I had nothing to hide. Second, when we were able to spend time together, she would usually show up at my house in the late morning or early afternoon. I work a 6:30 P.M. to 5:00 A.M. schedule 5 days a week. She works during the day. Therefore, the time we were able to see each other was limited. If I had the night off and she was off, however, she never wanted to spend the rest of the day with me-she would usually leave my house about 6 or 7 in the evening. Her excuse was, "I have been out all day and I need to go home and check in with my parents." I had a hard time buying that since she is 25 years old and should be able to come and go as she pleases even though she still lives at home. This is why I have had no desire to call her. I have known her for 10+ years and I can detect it when another guy is in the picture. She has cheated on me several times yet I have forgiven her. I have never cheated on her and prior to her first infidelity, there was nothing I would not do for her. Each time she cheated, my respect for her diminished even though I took her back.
The only other reason I can think of for her sudden aversion to me might be because she noticed that I have a subscription to Playboy magazine. One day when she came over, my kitchen table was littered with papers(bank statements,etc) and bills that I had working on. One bill was a renewal from Playboy. After she had sat at the table for several minutes, I removed everything and put it away. I would never look at her bank statements or mail so why should I let her look? Truth is, I'm a 31 year old guy on my own and I can look at whatever I want. It seems hypocritical to me that she would leave me over Playboy when she has slept with 3 other guys behind my back? When she did that crap, she never officially broke up with me. The first time, we stopped talking over a month. When we finally resumed communication, she said a guy liked her at work. It turns out that this guy was her new boyfriend. Basically, it looked as though we were back together-she was seeing me and even sleeping with me. It turns out that she was sleeping with the other guy too. The second time was before and after our daughter was born, while I was chauffering her to the doctor, she was fooling around with somebody else. After the birth, I found out that she took a bath with this guy although she swears nothing happened. I don't believe it, however. As for our daughter, she was born with a heart defect and died 11 months later. I ended up taking custody during the time she was alive as it was determined she was not a fit mother due to some psychological issues at the time and her parents wanted no responsibility. The third time, she stopped talking to me for two weeks without notice and out of blue shows up on my doorstep. She ended up telling me that she had been seeing somebody else and that they "did it."
I just stood there and laughed at her because by then I was not fazed by her crap. She practically got on her knees and I took her back.
This issue has been tormenting me to no end as to why she now avoids me. Is walking away from her the right thing to do? Should I try to reach out to her again? I still dream of her and deep down maybe I still love and care for her. I feel that if she feels the same, she will return. Now I'm not so sure-the finality is starting to set in. Am I right for maintaing no-contact with her?

[Matteus]

She has cheated on me several times yet I have forgiven her. I have never cheated on her and prior to her first infidelity, there was nothing I would not do for her. Each time she cheated, my respect for her diminished even though I took her back.
The third time, she stopped talking to me for two weeks without notice and out of blue shows up on my doorstep. She ended up telling me that she had been seeing somebody else and that they "did it."
I just stood there and laughed at her because by then I was not fazed by her crap. She practically got on her knees and I took her back.

Im sorry buddy, I really do, but do you think she is worth anymore ? 3 times? Common, stop this game, you are not showing any respect from your part. And even thinking of her, right now, you are not showing respect again. Even talking to us, about her, was not worth. You may love her, absolutely true, but you have to love yourself first. You may respect her, but you have to respect yourself first. And its not because of a Playboy thing, people cheat on other people. That is ridiculous. The girl has problems with herself, emotionall torments, and she know she may go and may come every time she wants, because already she knows you are taking her back. Now, she is even amplificing this power of her on you, because you are now the one who thinks to reach her out. Think of this. Think of Hate! I know, its tought, but you have to feel like it, you have to cultivate hate in yourself for this girl. Im someone who believes in compromises, but there is only one chance of compromise. As they say, make me fool once, your mistake, make me fool twice, my mistake.

[Homegirl 50]

First, I'm so sorry about your daughter. As a parent myself, I can only imagine the grief.
Leave this woman alone!
There is no reason for you to contact her unless you're really in to roller coaster relationships. If she wanted you, she would be there. You sound like a decent guy. Get a life that does not include her.
I wish you well.

[madaman]

It really seems like getting as far away as possible from this girl is the best choice of action. With her history, I think I would guarantee the cycle of cheating repeating itself. Don't take her back, no matter how hard she begs if she comes back.

[s_cianci]

No, don't walk away from her ; run away from her and don't look back!

[Jason8676]

Hello,
This may be late in coming, but I appreciate the replys to my question. I am definitely going to stay away from her. It seems the more I think of how she has treated me in the past, this can only eclipse any good feelings I once had towards her. Before I posted here, I struggled with the urge to reach out to her again. I keep telling myself she will change, but now I know that is not the case. I'm not going to waste anymore time or money on this girl. I think from my actions toward her in the past, my love spoke louder than words. She reminds me of a car I once had-it broke down numerous times until I finally got rid of it. Like that car, she is now somebody else's problem. As for me, I'm moving on to bigger and better things. Thanks again for your replies and take care.
Sincerely,
Jason

[Homegirl 50]

You have made a wise decision and I wish you well.

[Jason8676]

Hello,
I'm probably going to get the third-degree over this, but here goes. My ex, who I have not contacted in nearly three months begins speaking to me sometime after Thanksgiving. She says that she thought I was not interested anymore. Thus, she did not attempt any contact with me either. We were seeing each other up when our schedules permitted up until September. All of a sudden, she stops seeing me and calling me. In return, I went NC because I thought this behavior was indicative of an affair based on the way she has treated me in the past. Again, she complains that I don't call her and I need to do more of it. But relationships work both ways, I want to see some interest from her before I invest the time to call her.
The long and short of it is, she started talking to me again after Thanksgiving. She said we were still together but that I needed to call more. I tried, but I see no reciprocation on her end. She saw me a couple of times, we even kissed but she seems reluctant-no passion whatsoever. The last time we talked was on Dec. 20. I told her I loved her before hanging up, but she said nothing. After that, I said to myself. "Screw it! I'm done!" Since then it has been NC and even though she has told me that nobody else is involved with her, I think that is pure bunk. She has been acting really strange. What do you all think? If you want to scold me and tell me what an idiot I am for this, I'll understand. Thanks! Jason

[George_1950]

I got lost on the time line. Apparently, NC has been successful for you. You don't sound all emotional and torn up. But you may be willing to accept too much blame for failure? I think you have to watch that. You said, " ...I see no reciprocation on her end." That says a lot to me, because I understand what you are saying. She is hurting you, so back to NC.

[Simple Asian]

I don't get what you saying ? Can you be more specific?

[oneguyinohio]

I think there might be a song that says Love is a two way street? Your situation seems to be a one way street, and probably has a dead end...

[talaniman]

After reading your other posts, Dude run and don't look back.

[Simple Asian]

Tal.. what happened to the other post ?

[Jason8676]

Simple Asian-
To answer your question-we(me and my girlfriend)were okay up until September. All of a sudden she stops seeing me and calling. She has cheated and lied before so I assumed the relationship was over and cut her off. When we talked again after Thanksgiving, her excuse was that I never called thus showing no interest in her based on that. The fact is, she knows where I live and if she really wanted to be with me, she'd see me more and make time. When the relationship was working, she would call me and I would call back. She would just show up on my doorstep more often than not. After we started talking again, I tried calling her. She never made a sincere effort to call me and from the way she acted when we saw each other between Christmas and Thanksgiving, some things did not rub me the right way(no pun intended). She had me under the assumption that we were together again, but still would only see me maybe twice during this short period. She acted like it was a big chore to even kiss me but yet would say she loved me. I finally went back to NC on Dec.19-mainly because when I called her she really wasn't talkative. I got her a little something for Chrisitmas and I told her what it was since it wouldn't arrive until later. Her response was, after a few labored moments of hesitation, was,"Awwwww!" Before hanging up, I said "I love you" like a stupid idiot. She said nothing. I then asked,"Did you hear me?" She's like, "Yeah, I heard you." She then says to call her later. I just nonchalantly said, "Oh, I may if I feel like it." She then said, "Don't be that way." Anyhow, that phone call sent me the other way and I haven't heard from her since.

[Simple Asian]

Dang tough luck dude... I am sorry man... as far as things go likes this.. you no better than me that... run away dude... it not worth it

[Jason8676]

Hey!
As for that Christmas present I mentioned a few replies back-I took it back. She deserves nothing from me. I'm going to use that money to help pay down a loan that I am only a coulpe hundred from paying off. It would bring me a lot more joy than to give that ungrateful b**** anything.

[talaniman]

tal ..what happend to the other post ?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=2232915
If you click on a persons name and click on view profile, you will got to a page that lets you access all their questions. A helpful tool to get a clearer picture.;)

[lavenderly]

U two are playing games!!

Why did u stop contacting her after September? Coz u thought she was not interested. That was a huge mistake. She could have thought the same way too, that u are no longer interested because when she was trying to find out whether u miss her or not, u merely kept quiet and started NC.

My guess on why she is reacting that way:

1) She was losing attraction for u around September.
2) She met a guy that seems promising, but she is reluctant to let go of u, so she wanted to test u to see whether u really love her. (thus the lack of interest to call or contact u)
3) U practised NC, so she thought she had her answer.
4) So she allowed the other man to pursue her.
5) She probably missed u or her relationship with the other man did not work out.
6) She contacted u again on Thanksgiving and tell u she wants u back.
7) But she wants to be pursued again, that's why she told u to call more often. (she wants to feel wanted)
8) When u kiss her or had other physical contact, she realized that it was not as 'hot' compared to the other man she was attracted to, so she withdraws.
9) She is probably bored of your "games" too because u sound very vengeful and has an I-Cant-Be-Bothered attitude.
10) So she let nature takes its course. If u call and pursue her, u will get her attention. If not, she is willing to cut contact (since in her mind, u let the relationship go).

[Jason8676]

Lavenderly,
Me and my girlfriend were fine up until September and then all of a sudden she stops calling and seeing me. I have backed off pursuing her because she has hurt me plenty of times in the past by cheating and lying. Thus, I am reluctant to shower her with the attention that I used to. We have known each other for over 10 years and even had a daughter together. We shared the pain of losing her less than a year later to a rare, rare heart defect. I guess that is why I still can forgive her time and again.After the way she behaved the last time we saw each other, it looks as though there is somebody else in the picture. This has happened before so I'm just going by experience. She always thinks the grass is greener on the other side when she gets bored with me, then leaves for somebody else, realizes it isn't what is was cracked up to be, and finally returns. It may not happen this time, but regardless I have my pride and I'm not going to give her the satisfaction of being pursued while she is involved with somebody else. My actions in the past have shown that I love her, yet things changed when she cheated. If she wants me, she'll be back. If not, I've got my pride intact and I'll meet somebody else. I've invested a lot of time and money(bought her an engagement ring several years ago which she has never returned) but I am willing to walk away.

[Jason8676]

Hello,
My ex-girlfriend sent me a text message this morning saying she has a Christmas present for me and wanted to know when she could give it to me. I was tempted to respond with, "Why not mail it? Then you won't have to go through the trouble of seeing me." I came close to sending the message but decided against it. Ignoring her is in my best interest. Seeing her again would just give me false hope that things will eventually work out when the relationship is obviously broken and she has to be seeing somebody else. To top it off, she texted from a new cell phone number, not her usual. She either changed her number or used somebody else's phone. In my last posts, I went into more detail about what happened. We never formally broke it off, she just stopped communicating with me and seeing me like she used to. I construed that to be a sign that she is interested in somebody else, so I shut her off and did not call her for over three months. Shortly after Thanksgiving, she contacted me out of nowhere. We saw each other twice between November 27 and December 19. She acted extremely weird. When we kissed, the passion was absent and she tried to avoid it. She still said she loved me and that things would improve if I called more. I tried calling and when I finally got a hold of her, she could hardly say two words. She expects me to call her but makes no sincere effort calling me. Relationships are a two way street. I figure if she shows interest(and I've known her for 10+ years-I can tell when she is and when she is not.) I was stupid and bought her a Christmas present, but after not hearing from her on Christmas and New Year's, I took it back. Now she is wanting to give me my present after the fact? Come on! I feel like I'm throwing any chance of reconciliation away by not responding but the weird way in which she has been behaving tells me that I am just beating a dead horse if I see her again. What do you all think?
Thanks! Jason