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jackson2003 · Nov 3, 2008, 10:33 PM

My husband and I have been married for only a year and a half. He has never been very sexual. Before we were married he stated that he didn't want to have sex because it was no the christian thing to do. We did have sex before marriage, it was not very often... maybe once a week when we were living together. After the wedding, our sex life dwindled to almost nothing. He would/still does consistently turn me down for sex. He has also asked multiple times for anal sex and he prefers the rear entry positions. He does not like porn because he says that he doesn't like seeing other mens penis. He is not very affectionate to me and I am always feeling lonely and deprived of love and emotion. He is not an emotional person. Lately he has also had trouble "making it work" in the bedroom, and he says it is because he feel's too pressured. Do straight men typically ask for anal sex? What is a normal amount of sex? I feel like it should be more that once a week, especially for a newly married couple... I just don't know what to do. I have asked him if he is gay and he got very mad at me for even asking. He grew up as a strict lutheran and he went to a private school and I wonder if he is denying any possibility of being gay. Anyone have any advice... our marriage is on the rocks and I don't know what to do.

starbuck8 · Nov 4, 2008, 12:53 AM

I think you may have gotten married under the assumption that things would change once the papers were signed. It doesn't sound to me like the two of you have very good communication.

Lots of men like anal sex, and that doesn't necessarily mean that they are gay or bi. It would however concern me that he got so angry with you for asking. He's your husband, and you have the right to ask questions. Just the fact that you are asking, tells me that your relationship is in trouble, and you need to seek help. The lack of affection after such a short time is going to effect your marriage long term.

I would suggest some marital counseling, maybe coupled with a sex therapist, to get some help, before your marriage goes right down the drain. His lack of emotion sends off red flags to me.

Good luck to you, and I hope you can get the professional help that you need.

smoothy · Nov 4, 2008, 08:23 AM

Most straight guys like anal sex... its a different feeling than vaginal or oral... most of us like those as well too.

Personally I think your husband has some issues... and best dealt with in counseling before they wreck your marriage. There is an issue from year 1 to year 3 where you tend to get into your roles and routines... but shutting you out like he is isn't normal.

BMI · Nov 4, 2008, 08:44 AM

If your basing him being gay because he is asking for anal sex than I think your jumping to conclusions. Like Smoothy said, lots of staright men like anal sex.

Synnen · Nov 4, 2008, 08:45 AM

Why do women always seem to jump to the conclusion that if there is a problem in the bedroom, their man is either cheating, or gay, or both?

If you asked ME if I were gay, especially after a problem like that, I'd be angry with you too!

You need to get couples counseling before anger, suspicion and resentment tear the two of you apart.

Choux · Nov 4, 2008, 10:38 AM

I think you have to go for couple's counselling; if he won't go, you need to go yourself.

I think he is treating you in an uncaring manner about your needs for sexual contact and general closeness.

Perhaps, you have unrealistic ideas? I don't know.

Only agreeing to have anal sex with a woman in need for closeness and contact is abusive of him. I wouldn't have put up with that for a second, and you shouldn't either.

Get counselling whether couple's or individual for you ASAP.

Bet wishes to you,