|
|
|
|
New Member
|
|
May 14, 2007, 08:23 AM
|
|
How do I get over his affair?
We have been married for 6 years... when we first started dating my husband continued to have sex with his ex-wife up until shortly after we were married-- because he has a child with her we still have her in our lives.. I am trying with everything that I have to be over this-- but I am finding that I have become controlling and need to be in control at all times.. how do I forgive and move on-- I really love him and he hasn't betrayed me in 5 years... he is an awesome father to our daughters- 4 and 11 years old, how do I let go so we can move on.. if I don't I am afraid we will be divorced soon!
|
|
|
Full Member
|
|
May 14, 2007, 10:49 AM
|
|
Honesty and trust is very important in a relationship. I think you should tell your husband how you feel, maybe there is something that he could do to make you feel more secure.
|
|
|
Full Member
|
|
May 14, 2007, 06:01 PM
|
|
Originally Posted by tweety11
We have been married for 6 years... when we first started dating my husband continued to have sex with his ex-wife up until shortly after we were married-- because he has a child with her we still have her in our lives.. I am trying with everything that I have to be over this-- but I am finding that I have become controlling and need to be in control at all times.. how do I forgive and move on-- I really love him and he hasn't betrayed me in 5 years... he is an awesome father to our daughters- 4 and 11 years old, how do I let go so we can move on.. if I don't I am afraid we will be divorced soon!
Your husband has not betrayed you in 5 years...
Needless to say that it was not a good thing he did betray you before you were married...
However, it's now so many years down the line and you have not dealt with it.
Maybe it's an idea to talk to a counselor about this ?
You need to put this to closure and I hope that somebody can help you to deal with this issue.
Good luck !
|
|
|
Full Member
|
|
May 14, 2007, 06:01 PM
|
|
Originally Posted by tweety11
We have been married for 6 years... when we first started dating my husband continued to have sex with his ex-wife up until shortly after we were married-- because he has a child with her we still have her in our lives.. I am trying with everything that I have to be over this-- but I am finding that I have become controlling and need to be in control at all times.. how do I forgive and move on-- I really love him and he hasn't betrayed me in 5 years... he is an awesome father to our daughters- 4 and 11 years old, how do I let go so we can move on.. if I don't I am afraid we will be divorced soon!
Your husband has not betrayed you in 5 years...
Needless to say that it was not a good thing he did betray you before you were married...
However, it's now so many years down the line and you have not dealt with it.
Maybe it's an idea to talk to a counselor about this ?
You need to put this to closure and I hope that somebody can help you to deal with this issue.
Good luck !
|
|
|
Ultra Member
|
|
May 15, 2007, 09:48 AM
|
|
Originally Posted by tweety11
We have been married for 6 years... when we first started dating my husband continued to have sex with his ex-wife up until shortly after we were married-- because he has a child with her we still have her in our lives.. I am trying with everything that I have to be over this-- but I am finding that I have become controlling and need to be in control at all times.. how do I forgive and move on-- I really love him and he hasn't betrayed me in 5 years... he is an awesome father to our daughters- 4 and 11 years old, how do I let go so we can move on.. if I don't I am afraid we will be divorced soon!
You have to believe in yourself... this is all about you. Trust in yourself that no matteer what he does in his life that you will be OK, that you are a strong person and a good mother. You are not his keeper and he will do as he please's and will have to answer for his own mistakes. You are living in a hell of mistrust and that is sad. And in doing so you are making his life hell, as well. This will affect your children, because you will be giving off vibes that there is a problem, though they are not sure why. Did he ask forgiveness for what he did? There is nothing wrong with giving someone a 2nd chance... and if he screws that up then you will know what he is and decide if you are willing to accept that kind of man in your life. Don't be a door mat but don't be a prison guard either or he will try to escape. I would say just be a good watch dog... happy, laid back , but watchful. Remember dog is god spelled backwards. Good Luck. Peace be with you
|
|
|
Ultra Member
|
|
May 15, 2007, 11:39 PM
|
|
Originally Posted by tweety11
We have been married for 6 years... when we first started dating my husband continued to have sex with his ex-wife up until shortly after we were married-- because he has a child with her we still have her in our lives.. I am trying with everything that I have to be over this-- but I am finding that I have become controlling and need to be in control at all times.. how do I forgive and move on-- I really love him and he hasn't betrayed me in 5 years... he is an awesome father to our daughters- 4 and 11 years old, how do I let go so we can move on.. if I don't I am afraid we will be divorced soon!
WOW you must be very strong to let him in your life after you knew he was cheating with his ex-wife. Give yourself credit :)
Of course you are bound to find this hard and trust will always be an issue in this instance because you've been there - done that!
Only you know if you can handle this relationship, carry on with it.
Have you considered marriage counselling?
|
|
|
Junior Member
|
|
Jun 6, 2008, 09:35 AM
|
|
I completely agree. We were married 6 years when my wife first cheated on me... I am still dealing with it 10 years later for several reasons. The main one being that she never really said she was sorry or asked for forgiveness and wasn't really up to making things right... kinda just sweeping it under the rug. Yes, you do not want to be a doormat but you can't be a prison guard either... very difficult because you are the innocent party and you have your own emotions and pains to deal with. Please be careful with the children. They feel and sense more than you know. My kids are older now (16,13 ) and I am getting a sense of resentment from them because of the way I acted from the hurt and anger their mother caused me. Yes, you are strong and can be come stronger. I advise to seek counseling even if your husband is not willing. Good luck!
|
|
|
Software Expert
|
|
Jun 6, 2008, 03:41 PM
|
|
This thread is OVER a year old. Igman...
|
|
|
Junior Member
|
|
Jun 6, 2008, 03:50 PM
|
|
Dang it! Thanks again JB
|
|
Question Tools |
Search this Question |
|
|
Add your answer here.
Check out some similar questions!
He's had an affair, what now?
[ 52 Answers ]
My husband and I have been together for over 12 years/married for 11. We have a young child. I have been at home with our child all of her life.
About 2 years ago, I found out the he was having an affair. He said that it never turned physical. If nothing else, it was an emotional affair. Well,...
My Wife had an affair
[ 14 Answers ]
My wife and I have been (what seemed) to be happily married for 10 years,we have 2 children,back in Feb she was indicating something was wrong and wanted to see a therapist,so it was arranged not immediately but shortly after,she has been the MOST trusting person I have honestly ever met,so the...
Third wheel of an affair
[ 16 Answers ]
I met this couple last summer in a college class and we got along very well so we continued being friends. I learned about them and found that their marriage is friendly, but shows no real emotional love. It seems that they stay with each other because they need each other for all the reasons that...
Trust after an Affair
[ 3 Answers ]
My Husband had an affair with a very close friend of mine, over a year ago. I found out about it 10 months ago and it has been a tuff struggle. I have chosen to forgive and we have been working hard at fixing our relationship. We have been married for 15 years and we have 3 kids together. This...
Affair
[ 3 Answers ]
Any advice on getting over an affair ?
View more questions
Search
|