[Wise therapist]

What makes an affair or what classifies as infidelity

[rodandy12]

Old school versus new school.

In the old days whenever ANY two unmarried people had a sexual relationship that lasted more than one outing, it was an affair.

Now days, I believe an affair is when a married person has a sexual relationship with someone outside their marriage (I choose these words so as to not irritate folks in Utah).

This is also infidelity and it was the same in the old days.

[Synnen]

It's defined by the people in the relationship. Each couple has their own definition of what constitutes infidelity.

[smoothy]

If you have an emotuional attachment to another person outside your marriage that's an affair... or if sex was involved.

[igman]

Right. There are different types of infidelity. Basically if you are not giving 100% mentally, emotionally, and physically to the one you are with then that can be considered infidelity. Also, this can involve various people and you don't necessarily have to be doing all 3 at the same time.

[Choux]

An affair always involves sexual pleasure.

Infidelity.. I'm not sure if the common meaning *today* requires sex to have occurred in all cases.

[Credendovidis]

It all depends what the partners agreed upon when starting the marriage or relation.
An affair can also be a non-sexual relation, whereby a person find special attraction towards another person, and keeps that hidden to his/her standard partner. (Some people get totally besotted by/to another person. In a way that also is an affair, if kept hidden to a permanent partner).
Infidelity is when one of the partners skips any of these arrangements.

;)

[MEDIstaff4u]

Kudos to the previous posters!

They are both mutual agreements that are somewhat "stated" by the couple. This can be stated through communication or by expressing the way you feel about other peoples actions. For example: "Can you believe that Jane's husband was out last night with that new girl he works with? I can't believe Jane puts up with that!"-------Obviously, you would not think this is acceptable of him, ha! Someone else might see this as a harmless friendship, depends on your lifestyle and past experiences.

[rodandy12]

It all depends what the partners agreed upon when starting the marriage or relation.

That sounds right, but how many individuals entering into marriage have the forethought to nail all that stuff down. I'd wager not all that many in the whole population. That's where the "accepted norms" come into place.

But, I would suggest, with the US census bureau still supporting the 50% divorce rate (others make it more like 40%), even the accepted norms aren't followed.

I wonder what percentage of divorces are actually caused by infidelity?

[skunkman44]

My wife and I feel that an affair or cheating is betraying the trust we have for each other. We have two simple rules. If I wanted to have sex with another woman. I have to tell her I going to do it. AND take pictures. The last is the hardest part.

[Credendovidis]

That's where the "accepted norms" come into place.

But those "accepted norms" neither includes key-clubs, tri- or four-somes, a multi billion dollar whorehouse industry, etc. etc. etc.
Things are in reality not what most people foresee before or early in marriage.
It is never too late to arrange for new rules in a marriage, if both partners agree and are each free to enjoy them.
And the best way to prevent partners from any future similar behavior is the knowledge that your partner is in the bed of someone else...
The only problem here is the general prude behavior in the US.

;)

[smoothy]

My wife and I feel that an affair or cheating is betraying the trust we have for each other. We have two simple rules. If I wanted to have sex with another woman. I have to tell her I going to do it. AND take pictures. The last is the hardest part.

:D I don't think I could pull that one off.

[smoothy]

But those "accepted norms" neither includes key-clubs, tri- or four-somes, a multi billion dollar whorehouse industry, etc. etc. etc.
Things are in reality not what most people foresee before or early in marriage.
It is never too late to arrange for new rules in a marriage, if both partners agree and are each free to enjoy them.
And the best way to prevent partners from any future similar behavior is the knowledge that your partner is in the bed of someone else ...
The only problem here is the general prude behavior in the US.

;)

The problem extends way beyond the US borders. This happens at LEAST as much overseas. And yes this happens a LOT in Muslim cultures as well.

[kp2171]

The OP'er has not been back since the OP date, June 4... so time for the OP to respond?? Or is it a dead thread?