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modernromance09 · Jul 20, 2009, 01:17 PM

Okay so here's all the facts. I'm 19, have had sex with 9 people, yet I'm still quite inexperienced because of how awkward I am. I don't know how to fix this without somehow gaining confidence which seems pretty impossible to me at the moment. It really bothers me how awkward I am because it either makes me look inexperienced which is embarrassing or like I'm selfish which I definitely am not. I'm also pretty sure I'm addicted to sex so always wanting sex but being so awkward that I can't try different positions really bothers me. In fact I'm so obsessed with sex that it actually ruined my last relationship of 11 months because he wasn't sexual enough for me, we had sex maybe once a week or less, and it probably was because I didn't turn him on because of how awkward I am. I've been begging my parents to take me to the doctor because I know they would give me medication eventually because of how severe my anxiety is.. but I'm not sure if that will fix the problem completely. Please help. I'm sure this is mostly due to lack of confidence but I don't know. Suggestions?

Synnen · Jul 20, 2009, 01:32 PM

Stop jumping into bed with people and learn how to masturbate.

Awkwardness goes away in the bedroom when you are COMPLETELY comfortable with the person outside of the bedroom.

shazamataz · Jul 20, 2009, 02:01 PM

I agree with Synnen.

I don't mean to make you feel bad but 9 people is a lot for someone your age. When I was 19 I was still on my first.

You need to connect with people on an emotional level before you sleep with them. It will not only help you relax more being with someone you feel comfortable with but you won't care about being "inexperienced" with the right person.

modernromance09 · Jul 20, 2009, 02:12 PM

Originally Posted by shazamataz

I agree with Synnen.

I don't mean to make you feel bad but 9 people is a lot for someone your age. When I was 19 I was still on my first.

You need to connect with people on an emotional level before you sleep with them. It will not only help you relax more being with someone you feel confortable with but you won't care about being "inexperienced" with the right person.

I was with my ex boyfriend for almost a year so yeah I don't know what to do.

shazamataz · Jul 20, 2009, 03:01 PM

At what point do you start to feel anxious.

When you are getting intimate, naked or engage in sex?

Have you had any bad experiences to make you feel this way or have you always felt anxious about sex?

Ivory0921 · Jul 20, 2009, 03:08 PM

Whoa 9 people at 19?. Hmm.. Slow down. I get the feeling that you might be way too excited about sex that when you're actually there, you get all awkward and start stressing about how to, when to and why you should be doing certain things.

Take is easy, sex is supposed to be pleasurable for you and your partner.

modernromance09 · Jul 20, 2009, 03:50 PM

Mostly just when people ask me to do the work I get extremely nervous because I hate when all eyes are on me and I feel like I'm being judged and it's just awkward. Taking my clothes off isn't really that big of a deal to me.. as long the room isn't too bright. And I have slowed down a lot actually since I had my first real boyfriend not too long ago.

J_9 · Jul 20, 2009, 03:58 PM

Originally Posted by modernromance09

mostly just when people ask me to do the work i get extremely nervous

Huh?

Originally Posted by modernromance09

i hate when all eyes are on me and i feel like i'm being judged

And huh?

How many people are you taking your clothes off for? When people ask you to do the work? What work?

modernromance09 · Jul 20, 2009, 04:16 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

Huh?

And huh?

How many people are you taking your clothes off for? When people ask you to do the work? What work?

Like if someone asks me to get on top I get nervous because usually that means me having to do the work and I'm terrified of being judged. And I didn't mean a million people were watching me I just hate being the one that people are paying attention in that way.. I don't know how to explain it really it's just an anxiety thing I don't like when people watch me do certain things.

J_9 · Jul 20, 2009, 04:58 PM

Then it might be time to stop playing around and wait for that certain someone who loves you just the way you are. You are only 19 and you have been with 9 people. That's a scary statistic.

Alty · Jul 20, 2009, 05:05 PM

Dare I jump in here?

Dare I give more info about myself?

Okay, darnit, here it goes.

I met hubby when I was 19, I had way more then 9 partners by the time I met him. No, it wasn't a good idea, yes, I regret it now, it is what it is, or was what it was.

I'd venture to say that the core of your problem is not inexperience but lack of self esteem.

If you spread your legs for every Tom, D*ck and Harry that comes along then it's not unusual to feel uncomfortable with sex. Find a guy that you care about, someone who's patient, understanding and accepts you for who you are and this will change.

You're young. The number of partners you've had doesn't make you more experienced, you still have to figure out your own body, who you are. Don't be in such a rush, take your time, find someone you're compatible with.

Good luck.

J_9 · Jul 20, 2009, 05:27 PM

Alty, those were the days before the rise in STDs and HIV/AIDS. You would think young people these days would be more self aware and cautious.

Alty · Jul 20, 2009, 05:34 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

Alty, those were the days before the rise in STDs and HIV/AIDS. You would think young people these days would be more self aware and cautious.

True J, but still something I regret. :o

I have to ask the OP if she has something in her past that might account for this. Any history of sexual abuse?

Nowadays it's just not a good idea to jump from one bed to another, too many risks, many of them a death sentence.

modernromance09 · Jul 20, 2009, 05:57 PM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

True J, but still something I regret. :o

I have to ask the OP if she has something in her past that might account for this. Any history of sexual abuse?

Nowadays it's just not a good idea to jump from one bed to another, too many risks, many of them a death sentence.

Nope. But until last year, when I slept with most of the people I've been with, I never got paid much attention to. I was never called pretty, no one ever wanted to be with me, I was pathetic and I know this. Another reason for some of the people I've slept with is being under the influence of alcohol/drugs. And also I'd like to say that I am safe and get tested yearly.

Alty · Jul 20, 2009, 06:06 PM

Originally Posted by modernromance09

nope. but until last year, when i slept with most of the people i've been with, i never got paid much attention to. i was never called pretty, no one ever wanted to be with me, i was pathetic and i know this. another reason for some of the people i've slept with is being under the influence of alcohol/drugs. and also i'd like to say that i am safe and get tested yearly.

Sounds like you're looking for acceptance and using sex to get it. Sady it's not working for you which is probably why most of the encounters involve drugs and alcohol.

You need to accept yourself, figure yourself out, then get into a relationship.

You lack self esteem, that much is obvious. Giving yourself to these men isn't going to give you what you want. Giving to yourself will. :)

smoothy · Jul 21, 2009, 05:30 AM

Many times "Awkward" is in the eyes of one individual, it appears to be in this case as well, your eyes. The advice given above is good advice. I'd lay off the drinking since it enables you to continue this behaviour,

You don't need to sleep with someone to get their attention, and with what's going around these days its sound advice to follow on principle as youths are the group it is spreading the most rapidly in.

And like Alty said above. You have to repsect yourself if you want others to respect you as well. Its something people can sense, and prey upon.

Everyone is a unique individual... the best anyone can do is be yourself, and decide, people will like me for who I am and not what they think I should be. Do not pretend to be what you think others want you to be. Be who you feel you are, and be comfortible doing it.

Gemini54 · Jul 21, 2009, 06:12 PM

Sounds to me like you're 'awkward' because you haven't met someone that you like and that enjoy having sex with yet.

First rule - only have sex with guys that you really like and know well
Second rule - don't have sex on the first, or even second or third date - get to know them!
Third rule - have sex when YOU feel you're ready
Fourth rule - focus on the sensations rather than on what you're thinking - thinking & sex don't mix!
Fifth rule - treat yourself with love and respect and others will as well.

If you're relaxed and aroused you won't even be thinking about whose eyes are on you - or what position you're in - you'll be enjoying being with your partner and enjoying yourself.