[ladyoftheyear]

So me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year in September... I'm almost 21 and he is 25... and he NEVER EVER comes onto me! I'm lucky to have sex one every 3 months, and I can't even remember the last time! At first he seemed really into me and he would be all over me! We would stay up late and fool around all the time. It seems ever since our 6 months everything has gone downhill! I don't have a high sex drive or anything, but it makes me feel kind of not so sexy when he never comes onto me. I've tried running around in barely anything, I've tried losing wieght(which I didn't even need to do really), I've tried changed make-up, I've got new and more exciting bras, I've even asked him about it! And every time he will tell me it's up to me, that he wants to have sex all the time... I even tell him that it turns me on when he comes onto me! I just want to feel like he sees me sexually :( I'm so sick of hearing, 'I'm tired' 'I have work in the morning'... He even told me once that he didn't come on to me because he wasn't sure if I'd be on my period or not! I just don't understand... I've asked him what I could do to turn him on, he replied, 'You do turn me on! You don't have to try'... so then why isn't he all over me?? I haven't had sex for like 4 months, I feel like I'm going to explode!

Any suggestions??

[Mark79]

No sex for four months sorrysister dump him!! He must be getting it elsewhere..

[ladyoftheyear]

no sex for four months sorrysister dump him!!! He must be getting it elsewhere..

Nah He's not getting it else where. I know he's not cause we live together and he's home all day with me :confused:

[BEEN THERE]

Some men just don't have a high sex drive. I belong to another site just for women married to guys like this. It only gets worse. No he is not gay or cheating and it is definitely not you,highly unlikely that it is medical, but he is not going to change. If you can't accept it and live this way (and who could) you have to leave no matter what. I know it is hard but it will be much harder when you have kids and a history together. That's why we have the support group. And don't even consider having a friend on the side to meet your needs and keep him, those that have tried just end up hating themselves.

[kp2171]

Do you ever make it all about him... as in tell him not to hold back at all. Holding back suppresses the sensations mentally, and later they are less intense physically. So there's number one... sensations change the longer it goes...

More irony of sex... men get a erotic zone you can find blindfolded with oven mitts on... women get an important erotic zone place away from the primary site of contact and friction... men can sometimes find it easier to ejac fast because the sensations are "new" early... women moslty need a buildup... ironic...

Tired, stressed, these are things that can certainly affect anyone's sex drive, man or woman. Though I think women need to be in the moment more mentally, guys also need to as well. Thinking about whether you are ovulating isn't exactly the stuff of romance most of the time. So if he is mentally distracted, coupled with physically tired, double whammy.

He gets a little slack for that, but not much. He can chose to live the life he wants to. He can choose to workout to strengthen his body. And he does choose whether to engage you. Sex is work, and he seems lazy, even if there are some "reasons" for some of his behavior.

There are some things I can recommend if you want... pm me. They are more graphic physically and are some "tricks" that sometimes can take it over the edge. Up to you.

As been there mentioned, it does not get easier in time. I'm in a 8 yr relationship with a child in the house. Its hard as hell to find time to make time. But we have to work at it. Sometimes we've been off page. I've been distant during a period I was a little depressed. She's been distant when she went through a few periods of physical stress. But a key to a healthy sex life that is lasting is you need to do the work and you need to chase, and be chased, a little.

Familiarity can make things tough. I know what my partner looks like naked. Not knowing that early was an extra mental stimulation. I know what she likes, doesn't like, will do, won't do... etc. again, that takes away the newness that I think sometimes carries the relationship sexually early on.

But all you can do is communicate. And all you can do is all you can do. After that, its done. Sexual health is something that shouldn't dominate every relationship necessarily, but it is absolutely something that should not be swept under the rug. If you make the efforts you've made, and he doesn't come around, then you have a decision to make.

All relationships are somewhat about acceptable compromise... what are you willing to "live with" to get the benefits of being with that person. Rarely is it ever perfect.

Some people go off the deep end when I say its acceptable to end an otherwise healthy relationship due to severe sexual incompatibility. I can tell you this. As good as our marriage is, if my wife thought early on that our relationships was way out of whack sexually, she wouldn't have stayed if I was unwilling to do some work.

She doesn't need perfection. She needs attention and effort.

During the period when I was depressed I often didn't come to orgasm with her. I was just mentally blocked. She felt terrible. But we talked it out... she just didn't see how uspet I was cause I'm a guy and we interalize things. Not saying this is your situation, but we went through a little of what you are.

We worked it out by being open, talking, removing the noise that was getting in the way, and trying again.

I hope your guy is willing to step up a bit.