[avenged_11]

I hate myself!
I am 17 year old male and everyday is the same thing with out any change, but I am stuck at home with no friends while my dad is at work, I ride the bus to school so I can't go do anything. I moved in with my dad so I have no friends I started a new school this year and left my friends behind for some stupid reason. The only people that I talk to from my old school is my 2 ex-girl friends so I can't talk to them about anything like this (they both broke up with me because I said no to sex and took the GODLY way) . I'm shy and stick to myself alone in a corner during school. Im nothing to look at and anytime I see some one that I think is good looking I get happy then I realize that I never have a chance with anyone like that and then I automatically start cursing myself for it. I can't even get called on in class to answer a question with out having a panic attack (because I'm on the spot). And then when I get home I listen to music and get very depressed and some how I hate myself for hating myself if that makes sense? Then when I go to sleep I can't sleep it takes me literally 2 hours for me to go to sleep, but I end up crying myself to sleep because it all hits me that I'm a nobody that is left alone. My dad is the only person that actually talks to me! My mom is the reason that I moved, ever sense I was little my parents have been playing favorites she picked my other two brothers and my dad picked his girl friends son. There for every thing I have gotten is not new but used, and they take the cheap way out for me. The only thing I have that is mine is my glasses and my class ring (which they fought who would have to pay for). Plus my brothers got there drivers len. When they turned 16 and they got there cars handed to them and the bills for it tooken care of, and I have no license and I have to buy and pay all bills that have anything to do with a vehical! I have thought about suicide before (I am not crazy) but I am some what of a christian so that's not going to happen! I don't know I guess I just need some on. Anyone who could help me!

[HrvSavag3r]

I'm not sure if this will help,
But 1st of all don't think that you have no chance. Try getting into a group of somesort like at school or something to get to know people, and start from there, are you good at any sports, because if you are you could do that, I'm not sure about the area you live in but if there is an underage night club why not go there, and get to know a couple people there, I know it might sound lame but it might work, and just letting you know scuicide solves nothing.

[Nestorian]

Fair enough brother.

I can relate, I too moved around your age to a new town but had no friends. My parents bought my brother and sister stuff a lot, but not so much me; oddly enough that was what made me stronger then them, as I'm not as dependent as them, and I'm also more appreciative of what I have, rather then what I dont.

Break out of your comfort zone, think out side of the box, then try new things so you can learn to be comfortable with them; thus expanding your comfort zone. Try to see if you can't join a club in school hours, like at lunch or what ever. You may make a friend who's parents, if they don't have a car themselves, can give you a ride for events.

This may sound lame, but try looking into different agencies around where you live, like youth programs, and such. It's not a weakness to ask for help, that is acctually a strength. It asking for help when you don't need it. But you need information and they can give that to you, mybe even a counselor. They are not what people would have you assume they are. A counselor is like a tool and you have to figure out how best to use what information that tool gives you. They can give you a great idea for direction and possibly find you rides into town or what ever is needed.

As for your hating yourself, you don't hate yourself, you hate that you are not what you feel you are supposed to be. Societal veiws are a big pile of crap! No I'm not kidding. We make all these ideals for people to live up to and when they don't we get angry with them, espcially when it's us. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes and when the time comes we will learn how to over come obsticales.

I have some more info for you, I'll talk to you later, but I really need to sleep.


May peace and kindness be with you.

P.S. sorry if I don't make much sense, I'm just very tired.

[boltogr]

I also understand where you are coming from. This year I am turning 21 and I have never had a car in my life, though by the time my sister was my age she had had probably five paid for by grandparents. Also, I have a bad relationship with my dad (who seems to choose most things above being a decent parent). As a result I have to pay for everything that I want, right down to schooling (a car is nothing compared to this).

I think Nestorian gave you some good advice about looking into local agencies or youth programs. When I was in high school I signed up for an Upward Bound program that really helped me. It gave me a lot of self confidence, I had a lot of fun, and made many life-long friends. This was a program designed to encourage first generation college seeking students, so you may not be eligible for something like that. But you can find something; talk to a guidance councilor. Join a club, even if you don't want to talk to people; someone will want to talk to you.

I also struggle with depression. Again I agree with Nostorian about not hating yourself. Although I must admit that I went through a period of hating myself when I started college. It only leads to mistakes, seriously.

Don't think that you don't have a chance. My boyfriend was a virgin into his twenties when we met and fell in love. He used to be very shallow about women because he thought that no real woman would ever love him; they (the women he wanted) didn't pay attention to him, probably because he is sweet and has a bit of dorky side. He has told me since that I boosted his self esteem so much, that I changed his ideas about women; he says that what is inside is now more important to him than what is outside.

You are young and I'm sure you will find a girl someday. Let's face it anyway, a lasting high school relationship is rare and usually not as pretty as people tend to think.

Just as a final note, I realize that the last few things I said make it sound like I'm saying "Nice guys finish last." First of all, I don't believe that at all. But one thing that I would like to say (if you are afraid of that) is that nice guys (and people like us who don't get everything handed to us) are more like the tortoise racing against the hare. Although the tortoise is slower and the hare gets a quicker start, the tortoise still wins.

Hang in there kid. You have a long life ahead of you and many surprises in your future. One thing that helps me is prayer (which can just be some form of meditation) and reflection. Like HarvSavag3r said, things like this will make you stronger in the long run. I have faith in you, and will be thinking about you so don't give up. Be a Duck, and let it roll off your back like a drop of water.

Good luck, and I hope that I could be of some help darlin'.

[kay84]

hi chick,
I have bin in the same place of u I joined Facebook so I had people to talk to and it worked I had about 3 friends then I just clicked on random people n now I have over 400 friends to talk to and it really did make that diffence and there are chatrooms that I use were u can tell them everything and they talk back to u with great ideas just Google them it really did help me hun xx

[avenged_11]

try getting into a group of somesort like at school or something to get to know people, and start from there, are you good at any sports, cos if you are you could do that, im not sure about the area you live in but if there is an underage night club why not go there, and get to know a couple people there, i know it might sound lame but it might work

I live in the country away from town

[boltogr]

I hate to keep pushing this, when I don't even know if you are interested or eligible, but I know that the Upward Bound program I was in provided transportation to students. I have always lived out in the country and my mother couldn't be home until past 7 in those days. We would just stay after school and then the bus would pick us up and drop us back off later. I'm sure there are other youth programs that will provide transportation. You just need to find out which ones will. There are many after school programs you could join and I am sure that you may be able to find a teacher or staff member willing to bring you too and fro, minimal embarrassment (I know, because I was one VERY proud, VERY poor kid). Not to mention, once you start meeting people I am sure you will have friends willing to help you with a ride. Once again, I suggest that you speak with a guidance counselor.

[Nestorian]

Avenged_11, Why do you hate yourself, other than for hating yourself?

There is always a reason, and until you discover this reason, you won't beable to face it, accept responsibility for it and eventually over come it. As Yoda says, "Named must your fear be, before banish it you can."

“If I am not pleased with myself, but should wish to be other than I am, why should I think highly of the influences which have made me what I am?” ~John Lancaster Spalding

One thing you may consider, if you are some what christian, find some local christians, and see if you can't pal around with them, maybe you just need to really discover whether you are christian (religious or not.). Youth group and such, I'm sure they'd give you a hand and give you a ride now and again. That's what they are there for. Heck, I'm not christian (really, I was s'posed to be baptised but it just never happened.), but I went to a christian youth group quite a few times with a couple of different friends. It was actually pretty cool, we played drumbs at one of the other youth guys house, played guitar and him and a few of them just jammed. (I had never played anything before then but they showed me some stuff, it was really cool.) We also used the church as like a big play ground that was awsome, no lights, just messing around. Laser tag, swimming, road hockey, video games, Mmmm food, just chillin watching movies. It can be pretty cool.

Take care but I do have som stuff on how not to hate yourself but I'm not sure why you hate yourself, or what you are really trying to achieve.

Peace and kindness.

[Clough]

Hi, avenged_11!

Have you spoken with a counselor at school about the way that you're thinking and feeling?

If you would like to, there is an activity that I like to do with people on this site to help them to gain some self-confidence and feel better about themselves.

If you're interested in knowing what it is and then participating in it, please let me know on this thread.

Thanks!

[N0help4u]

Many kids have a hard time getting through their teen years. I know I hated it. My parents didn't allow me to do anything or go anywhere and so I didn't have any friends.
You are 17. Start dreaming of your future goals and striving for them.
Find a good church and pray for God to send the right girl. Count it a blessing that you aren't with your ex girlfriends because they have different values than you and more than likely weren't the right girls for you.

Hang in there it will get better.

[avenged_11]

Hi, avenged_11!

Have you spoken with a counselor at school about the way that you're thinking and feeling?

If you would like to, there is an activity that I like to do with people on this site to help them to gain some self-confidence and feel better about themselves.

If you're interested in knowing what it is and then participating in it, please let me know on this thread.

Thanks!

I would love to try it!

[Clough]

That would be great!

What it is, is writing songs. If you've never done that previously, I can show you how.

What do you think?

Thanks!

[avenged_11]

That would be great!

What it is, is writing songs. If you've never done that previously, I can show you how.

What do you think?

Thanks!

Well I actually have been trying to I can come up with the lines but I can't get a pitch for it. (I have a guitar I play around with some times). Last night I tried but I didn't get a song but a poem is all I got

[Clough]

If you saw that last post by me, it was because I was wondering if you were still here.

I deleted it once I saw that you had responded to my previous post.

I can definitely help you with writing a song - lyrics and the music.

What I would suggest doing is starting a new thread in the Writing forum topic area about that. It's one of the areas that I moderate, and if something goes "oops", I can fix it.

Possible titles might be:

I Need Help Composing a Song
Writing Lyrics to a Song and Adding the Music
How to Write the Lyrics to a Song and Adding the Music
How Do I Write the Lyrics and Music for a Song
Etc.

Your choice, or you can make up your own title. I'm just trying to think of one that's different than the ones that have already been started concerning writing a song so that yours will be unique.

Okay?

[avenged_11]

If you saw that last post by me, it was because I was wondering if you were still here.

I deleted it once I saw that you had responded to my previous post.

I can definitely help you with writing a song - lyrics and the music.

What I would suggest doing is starting a new thread in the Writing forum topic area about that. It's one of the areas that I moderate, and if something goes "oops", I can fix it.

Possible titles might be:

I Need Help Composing a Song
Writing Lyrics to a Song and Adding the Music
How to Write the Lyrics to a Song and Adding the Music
How Do I Write the Lyrics and Music for a Song
Etc.

Your choice, or you can make up your own title. I'm just trying to think of one that's different than the ones that have already been started concerning writing a song so that yours will be unique.

Okay?

OK

Its getting real late for me, I don't have school 2marrow so ill take it easy and see what I come up with, and when I come up with something ill talk more with you? (THX)

[Clough]

No problem, that's fine! Please let me know on this thread when you've started the new thread.

When you start the thread, it doesn't have to be really fancy or any lyrics developed at all. Just something simple like, maybe, would someone please help me to write a song? That could be in the body of the post.

Do you mean that you're going to be going to sleep now?

Thanks!

[avenged_11]

No problem, that's fine! Please let me know on this thread when you've started the new thread.

When you start the thread, it doesn't have to be really fancy or any lyrics developed at all. Just something simple like, maybe, would someone please help me to write a song? That could be in the body of the post.

Do you mean that you're going to be going to sleep now?

Thanks!

Yes it 1:03 in the morning for me lol :)

[Clough]

Okay, that's fine! I will be back on here tomorrow night. I wish for you sweet and happy dreams!

Are you in the Central Time Zone? I am.

Please don't be so hard on yourself, okay? :)

Thanks!

[Wondergirl]

When I was in h.s. I too lived out in the country, dairy farms, didn't have a driver's license or a car (not until I was 28! ), and couldn't hang out after school with friends or go to after-school clubs that I was eligible for. I rode home every day after school on one of those long, yellow school buses.

Why not do what I did to kill time -- I taught myself how to cook and bake. I started with simple stuff like chocolate chip cookies and brownies. In the spring I planted a garden and made stew with some of the vegetables I grew. Now, in my old age, I have a wonderful recipe collection and have been a very desirable and valuable spouse and mother :D. Good food is the fastest way to anyone's heart.

[HrvSavag3r]

I no imight be repeating myself but if u have a farm land or something get a motor bike. They entertain for HOURS :D trust me :P and ask around if people have motor bikes and those that do invite them to go for a ride.(providing u have enough money or something like that )