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lickemlolly · Jun 4, 2005, 12:52 PM

Heh everyone I just broke up with my ex about a month ago... we just needed some time apart.. so now that I am trying to reconcile things I find out that he is messin with another girl... not his girlfriend but someone he is talking to.. he says that I left him so it will be on his terms when we get back together... I broke down on day and cried telling him id lost him etc... and he said baby don't cry you haven't lost me I just don't want to rush back into things... what is that supposed to mean? the more I try to push the issue the angrier he gets... I don't understand... bc he says he loves me and he says that he still wants to be with me and he believes that we will most likely end up getting back together.. but why not now?? someone please tell me what to do... im losing my mind because he's my world and I love him so very much...

Wildcat21 · Jun 5, 2005, 12:52 PM

Well - here is the deal. You broke up with him - he is HURT bad. Now he has this other gal. Unfortunately, if he wanted to get back together he WOULD jump through hoops to do it.

Give him time. Although, be careful - I have a feeling he is playing you.

Read these articles about love, relationships, getting your lover back...

www.lovetactics.com

There are several things you need to do to get him back.

lickemlolly · Jun 5, 2005, 01:01 PM

I don't know about playing because when I initially broke up with him he cried and begged me not to leave... then he said you realize if you do this then I will not just let you come back when you want to... heres a little twist... today he was supposed to come over and he didn't... so I called him like he asked me to do... the phone was off and then I dropped by his place and he wasn't there... which tells me what... he is with the other girl right now... and then I start crying and get upset... even though I know I shouldn't call him I still pick up the phone and do it... I don't understand why he is doing this for any other reason but he wants to hurt me... I have talked to him a lot and we talk about the future and I ask him what he sees for the future and he says us having kids... when I ask him oh so you think well get back together he goes back on the defense and says something like eventually but I don't want to rush back into it... I feel like I will lose him to this other girl... I hate that because we have been together for so long...

Wildcat21 · Jun 5, 2005, 01:22 PM

People want what they can't have!

I advise NOT calling him at all - at least for a couple weeks. DON'T return his calls right away. NO TEXT or e-mail.

He may not be with that girl - you might just be paranoid. A lot of times we think the worst.

BUT, I think he is playing you. If you had plans and he didn't even call. Again, guys will JUMP through hoops to be with you if they are interested.

See - your too available right now. People WANT a challenge. You lowered his interest level by breaking up.

One good thing is - usaully the 'new girl' doesn't last. Getting back together NEVER works over night and may even take MONTHS!

lickemlolly · Jun 5, 2005, 03:45 PM

Thank you so much... some of what you say hurts but it's the truth in most experiences I have been in if I guy left me for another girl it didn't last long... hes been screwin her... shes now pregnant and says its his... but here's the catch... she lives with her baby's father whom she say she isn't messin wit... he just sent me a text says he's srry he didn't call his phone went dead while he was at his dads house... says he will call when it charges... should I answer the phone...

Wildcat21 · Jun 5, 2005, 05:28 PM

No.

Good chance th kid isn't his. He needs a paternity suit.

My advice is move on - do you really want to be involved with this guy?

lickemlolly · Jun 5, 2005, 05:33 PM

OK so I am calm now... youve been such a big help... so tell me how is it that you have gotten to know so much about this stuff... I hope that in time he will come back... my problem is I'm impatient I want things to happen now instead of waiting... but thank you...

lickemlolly · Jun 5, 2005, 05:36 PM

And to answer your question yes I do want to be with this guy... I love him very much... and maybe its not meant to be maybe it is... only time will tell... hes never treated me bad met me while I was pregnant and has taken care of my son like he was his own even now that we are not together... has always done for me even if it meant he had none... I guess that's why I can't let him go and move on... maybe I'm stupid for waiting

Wildcat21 · Jun 5, 2005, 05:58 PM

I've been through a lot and don't want others to go through this. Heartache is avaoidable. I would like to help at least one person.

Everyone wants to rush romance - and especially with the person we want the most - WHICH is not smart. These things take time. When you think about - a couple months is not a long time. Sounds like you both need space from each other now.

I think now, if you really think about it, you can see why you're broken up. Things happen for a reason. You shouldn't be with him right mow.

Obviously if he has this kid, do you want to be with him?

lickemlolly · Jun 7, 2005, 09:18 AM

Yes still want to be with him... his feelings on the situation is he wishes she wasn't having a baby and if she is he hopes it isn't his... but new twist since you asked about the kid... I am pregnant but for sure with his and he knows this... I didn't find out until after the breakup and didn't tell him till after I had found out about the other girl... so I am tied to him no matter if we are together or not... he called several times yesterday and came by to take me out to breakfast... also made a statement that confused me... he said out of nowhere... if for some reason I'm not married to you in the future I can't see myself ever dating another black woman... im hispanic so I'm not sure what that means... the girl that says she is pregnant is black... hmmm

Wildcat21 · Jun 7, 2005, 09:46 AM

Well - that is a big difference. You do need him involved in your life - unfortunately.

Well - I strong encourage marriage. Being a single mother is extremely difficult.

lickemlolly · Jun 7, 2005, 04:22 PM

I know I have one already... remember I said he treats him like he's his own...

Wildcat21 · Jun 8, 2005, 11:15 AM

Don't put too much pressure on him right away. Approach the subject slowly. But he has to be there to help raise the kid. Ideally you're married and he gets his act together - no small feat.

He treats your current child well? That's is great.

No begging, no groveling - you need a plan and sell it to him. Don't get upset at all if at first he is hessitant- he may need time to think and be a lone.

Does he work ful ltime?

lickemlolly · Jun 8, 2005, 01:23 PM

Yeah he's an assistant manager... but he treats my son as if it was his own... hes shown a lot of change in the past couple of days... we were discussing my mom coming into town and I told him how id have to move the time off I took on Friday to Thursday and he was like what did you take time off for Friday for I was like well I have someowhere to be not important but its been planned for a while and he grilled me about it so finally I told him I'm going to palm beach with a friend and he says oh to meet some guys and I said no... and he got all mad and was like you couldve told if you were I don't have any right to be mad... and I was like I'm not going to meet any guys I don't even want to go and he said whatever I tell you anything when you ask no questions about it and it took you forever to tell me that I'm going to sleep now my head hurts... and I was like whoa! what was that all about... but I'm like OK whatever... im kind of confused I don't know what I did wrong

Wildcat21 · Jun 8, 2005, 01:44 PM

You didn't give him a straight answer. That's not good at this point. You guys have to learn to be totally honest with each other.

lickemlolly · Jun 8, 2005, 02:20 PM

No I gave him an honest answer I just wanted to know why it was so important for him to know where I was going... like I told him I went with my best friend to the club the other night and he was like I bet the guys were dancing all over you... so how many #s did you give out... and I was like I didn't dance with any guys and I didn't give my #out... he says to me yeah right.. and I'm like whoa... just little stuff like that... im thinking he sees it as its OK for him to talk to someone else but he doesn't want me to talk to anyone else

ladada · Jun 11, 2008, 03:53 PM

This boy is probably only getting with a new girl to get over you sweetie!

But still if he isn't willing to run a mile for you he's not wroth it! I've split from my boyf of 15 months (becauyse he cheated) and he was crying and upset but actually hasn't text or rang in a few days.

Thing is you will feel the need to always want to text and ring him, but sweetie don't, let him come to you. If he doesn't is he truly worth it? Do you want to spend time with someobdy who wasn't willing to strive out of his way to contact you?

My opinion though hun follow your heart x

cournoyer94 · Oct 30, 2011, 10:14 AM

This is just a sad situation. This is two people hurting who both love each other but his pride for himself from the pain you gave him is preventing him from letting you back in. Time and patience. I would try being friends with him, hanging out. Remind him of why he loves you without telling him all of your feelings. He is clearly afraid to enter back into the relationship because he doesn't want to get hurt again. Also, he is angry with you for leaving him. Just make sure you are present in his life, show you care, and do NOT push him to get back together. Because things cannot go back to the way they were until you both learn to trust each other again. As for the other girl, I wouldn't worry but do not start hooking up with him (more than once as a reminder) until you are sure she is out of the picture. Good Luck!

joey44 · Dec 8, 2011, 11:50 AM

I am going through the samething almost,let me tell it hurts a lot,I am the guy,I am hispanic too,my girlfriend just broke up with me,we had been going out for a long time too,we have broken up so many times but I always beg her to get back,she knows, she can get me back when she wants,I am a very nice guy,took her out and I always paid,and even got her a car,here and there maybe I was a jerk because she would get me mad,long story,we did not live together,when she broke up she said she never loved me,that she love what I gave her,and that she looks at me like a friend and cheated on me many times,I don't believe it all,

Is that what womem normally say to a guy when they want to break up,or is it that she is just mad and confused??

Your boyfriend will come back if he loves you,the way it looks, he is just mad and hurt,if you really love him,hold his hand and never ever let go of him,treat him nice and appreciate him,he will never go no were if, he is one the nice guys like me,nothing is perfect,sometimes breaking up could be a good thing or a bad thing,and he sounds confused,give him sometime,but show him you do love him,I myself would not go with another girl right away,I always gave my girlfriend all the time to think and never talk to no other girl,because I really love her,after what she told me you think she will come back?? maybe she is talking to somebody else.. but she says no, she says, she has to work on herself because she is not happy,I begged and begged and it only made it worse... she also said I am not a ugly guy and that I am very nice and it should be easy to find somebody... any help lickemlolly??