[Guapissima]

I met my partner 8 years ago he had a 2 year old daughter he was sole parent for. I took on responsibility of his daughter and have been her mother for 8 of her now 10 years. We have had a generally good relationship... money issues, ups and downs but have generally been OK. Her birth Mother came to visit her Daughter in Feb of this year (first time in 4 years as we live abroad) and I was appaulled and upset by how I was treated during her weeks visit. I was shown no respect, he openly flirted with her in front of me and took her out for a meal and drinks on her final day here. I reacted with anger and told him I could not be with him and moved to my son's for a few days to calm down. Within 3 days, he had re-flown his ex wife here and moved her into my house. I cut of contact from that point and had nothing more to do with either him or the daughter we raised together for 3 months. I was bitterly upset and angry at what he had done to me and still am, but recently he regained contact through a friend. The relationship with his ex came to a big full stop very, very quickly (within 2 weeks) and he is quite literally begging for forgiveness. I am getting love letters, flowers, declarations of forgiveness on Facebook etc etc etc. I am convinced he knows he made a huge mistake and was emotionally immature about the whole thing. Are all men so stupid? Is the devil I know better than the one I don't. In most aspects, he was a good partner. Help!

[redhed35]

The question I would be asking is why he did that? And only he can give you that answer,anyone here can only surmise.

If the relationship before the breakup was as good as you say,why did he suddenly get blindsided by seeing his ex? Maybe old feelings surfaced,maybe he thought it would work with her,maybe he was just horney.

The fact is he walked way from you (I realise you left,emotionally he left).

Trust is a big issues now,if there were no apparent reasons before the ex arrived why your relationship might end,who's to say it won't happen again.

For me,the betrayal would be too much,I could not go back.

There are plenty of questions to ask yourself,but one of the main ones to consider is... can you trust him again?

[Guapissima]

Thank you

[sully123]

Sorry to hear what he did to you. I honestly don't think I could trust someone like that again. Once that has happened, it's hard to regain the trust again. Wow, that's a real kick in the teeth. My saying is nice girls finish last. You didn't deserve that kind of treatment. He was totally wrong, when you have been there for him all along. That's just real low to do to someone. Sorry, for you!

[Guapissima]

Yeah I know, but thing is I know him inside and out. He's emotionally immature and did something that a teenager would do, not a 44 year old man. He knows he made a big error and I truly believe he is remorseful and loves me but I don't know. My heart says one thing, my head says another. Like RedHed said, trust is the biggest issue here.


I guess I've answered my own question... regardless of my feelings for him... I would find it very difficult to trust him again and his ex wife would always be in his life (could I cope with that? Don't think so!) and someone so emotionally immature to spite me in such a way is not really good relationship material. Yet he seems VERY repentant!

[Devorameira]

He’s doing a lot of sweet things, but how will he build trust with you? Trust is not something I would be willing to just give him again. He needs to be able to earn it.

You have absolutely no obligation or even reason to trust him. He needs to give you a reason. And not just appeal to your heart for it. The only real way he will be able to build trust is over time by his words and actions. If he is able to come forward and do these things, you will -- by his consistency over time -- begin to trust him.

If you feel you’ll never be able to trust him, then you need to move on.

[jmjoseph]

"Should I give him another chance?"

NO.

She disrespected you in your own home. He not only allowed it to happen, he was smitten by her.

You need someone you can trust, all the time.

He showed his true colors.

What a disappointment this must be for you.

Good luck .

[Guapissima]

Thank you Devorameira - I guess time will tell. For the moment I will leave things as they are. We are friends and for probably the first time in 8 years, we're talking! And I mean properly talking. Issues that have been long ago swept under the carpet are coming out for an airing and it's not all one sided which, I guess, is good. What will be, will be! x


WOW JMJoseph. Totally respect that. I was disrespected and he allowed that. But knowing him as I do (so well) I totally believe this was an emotionally immature mans spite. Can I not allow for this?

[talaniman]

Why should you be in any hurry to give him what he wants. Take your own sweet time to get the answers you want at your own pace and not his.

When you want young things to mature, you take the time it takes to let them mature, and you just wait until you think its mature enough for YOUR liking.

I see no reason to hurry. Its on HIM to prove to YOU that he is ready.

I will say, I think you might of handled yourself better, by maybe explaining the boundaries of good behavior, before his baby momma came to visit. Removing yourself from the situation was good, but removing them would have been great, but no hurry now is there, as you punish your very naughty boy.

He will say anything to stop the punishment, so be aware.

[Guapissima]

UPDATE UPDATE! For the record I did give him another chance and watched and waited. He is still the same emotionally immature person I thought he was, so I'm moving on!

[redhed35]

Good for you.

Don't look back this time.

[jmjoseph]

Nobody can ever say that you didn't try to make it work.

Let this be a new beginning for you.

I wish you the best.

[Guapissima]

Thank you all and God Bless xx