[_rachel_]

This guy I kind of went out with, then he decided it was better to be 'just friends'. But since we have basically been friends with benefits (in a non slutty way).
He never told me why, he said it was just because we lived too far away from each other but for 3 months he funally told me the reason tonight.
He was born with a spine problem, which I knew, but tonight he told me he didn't want to be with me cause he may be in a wheelchair and he doesn't know when. That he could wake up tomorrow, in a month or in 20 years time and not be able to walk.
I told him I don't care, that I love him so much and that doesn't change at all how I see him
But he said it matters to him that I would get hurt by it.

He is my best friend and I keep reassuring him I will always be here and it doesn't even cross my mind that he is any different to the person I was holding in my arms this morning.

I don't know what to say.
Please, if you are in a wheelchair or know someone that went into one, how do I try to get him to see that a relationship with him is what I want. Wheelchair or no wheelchair.
I love him and he loves me, so much he would block out his heart to stop me from being hurt in the future.


I am only 16 and he is 19
I know love is a strong word, but nothing else fits.

[KISS]

Be aware that there may be ramifications in a legal sense because of your ages.

Life is seriously going to have to planned as best as possible.

You have an education to worry about and you both have to worry about jobs and that "What if" situation.

Approach cautiosly, take care of yourself first and plan for the inevitable.

Make sure you know the statutory rape laws in your state and abide by them. What Is Statutory Rape? | Sexlaws.org

All it takes in one angry person and his life changes dramatically as well as yours.

Be careful.

[Wondergirl]

Been there, done that for a short period, and have supervised library volunteers who are permanently wheelchair-bound.

I would do some research on his spine problem. Did he tell you its name? Depending on what it is, he could be facing:
* bowel and bladder problems
* sexual dysfunction
* definitely mobility problems (and no, the U.S. is not completely accessible for the handicapped) that demand he have a special van with a wheelchair lift which might mean he would always be a passenger, not the driver
* needing a personal assistant
* needing a special diet
* inability to work at a regular job
* loss of friends who are frustrated with his inability to get around and do what they do
* depression

[KISS]

Rachel:

I see we have a issue with the term "Friends with benefits"

Please see: Friends with benefits - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The term implies sexual activity. The disagree wasn't warrented.

[_rachel_]

Been there, done that for a short period of time, and have supervised library volunteers who are permanently wheelchair-bound.

I would do some research on his spine problem. Did he tell you its name? Depending on what it is, he could be facing:
* bowel and bladder problems
* sexual dysfunction
* definitely mobility problems (and no, the U.S. is not completely accessible for the handicapped) that demand he have a special van with a wheelchair lift which might mean he would always be a passenger, not the driver
* needing a personal assistant
* needing a special diet
* inability to work at a regular job
* loss of friends who are frustrated with his inability to get around and do what they do
* depression

It's called spinae biffida. The thing is, he could loose control over his bladder and bowel. And nothing else would be needed. I don't want to ask him if he will be able to have sex, its not as though I'm going to be with him forever, but he will always be my best friend forever and I will always stick by him, no matter what happens to him, no matter what he is going through.

[_rachel_]

rachel:

I see we have a issue with the term "Friends with benefits"

Please see: Friends with benefits - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The term implies sexual activity. The disagree wasn't warrented.

Well benefits not as in sexual activity.
Benefits as in, more than friends, just not committed, more like dating I guess seeing as he doesn't want anyone else.
It means we kiss, and cuddle and, well maybe get closer than that (I am still a virgin though), but either way, it doesn't matter what we have, it is legal and it is my choice to do this. Rape has nothing to do with this, that's discgusting and he is a decent person that would never even contemplate pressuring me into anything I didn't want to do.

[Fr_Chuck]

Sorry in the "real" world, friends with benefits means you are friends who are having sex, please understand if you use those words that is what everyone will think, since that is what it means.

And statue rape does not mean he forces anything, you could be the one to talk him into it, but it is still legally rape, depending on the age of concent in your area.

Now I work with patients in wheel chairs, in fact that is what I do for a living, I fit people with serious spine injuries and MS to special need chairs.
Including building and custom fitting them.

People with seroius injuries and other life changing events normally push loved ones away since they don't want to be a burden.
The love one just has to push back and be there regardless.