[fatnsassy]

I am 6 months pregnant... at 2 months I broke things off with the "father" because he started acting crazy and I realized that I did not love him at all and was still in love with my ex. After dumping him he pulled a few crazy stunts but stupidly I did not report them to the law . I wanted us to be friends for the baby . After he found out I was still talking with my ex and we were starting to try and date again he became very angry and refused to help me with any medical costs . I asked him on 3 occasions and his answer every time was I tried to take care of you but you didn't want it so I isn't doing now . I would try to talk to him and answer his questions about the baby but every conversatoin was the same . Him crying and yelling why don't you love me ? What did I do ? And telling me things to make me guilty . I could not be friends with him if he wasn't going to at least split my medical bills with me . ( I had a few complications during the 1st trimester) My current boyfriend and I are doing great . He wants to adopt my baby and is so excited ! I have nightmares every few nights about the ex and his new girlfriend who has a drug problem and used to be my best friend . Now I'm just wondering what my rights are ? Can I put the current boyfriend on the birth certificate? What if we got married before my son came ? What kind of custody can they award someone who has nothing to offer a baby ?:confused: I'm so scared that he will want someonething to do with my son one day

[MayfairLady]

You could put your boyfriend on the birth certificate however it would not change the fact that your ex is the father, nor would it change the fact that he has rights as a father. I can tell you are very troubled by this however, calm down and keep your head. You are in a good place with your boyfriend and if you get informed and stay calm, do not react to your ex's stunts but from now on go through the police you will have an accurate recorded account of events IF you need them in the future. Continue your life with your boyfriend and IF this ex DOES want to see his child he has every right to seek visitation. If he is as unrealiable and unstable as you say he is then he probably won't be able to be a consistent father figure and not turn up etc. Only then can you say that he has nothing to offer the child and you can seek full custody then as you will have proof before the court etc. In the meantime try not to worry about the future as you cannot do anything right now but get informed. Stay calm, focused and enjoy your time with your boyfriend.

[ScottGem]

If you get married before the baby is born and your husband is listed on the birth certificate this will strengthen your custody and your husband will be accepted as the father unless the bio father goes to court to enforce his rights.

Its unlikely your ex will get physical custody, but he might get joint legal custody with visitation if he pursues it in court.

[digger1]

Im not sure enough time has passed for you to seriously consider marriage as an answer the problem. Marriage doesn't solve problems and shouldn't be used to patch up anything. It is a lifelong commitment and making such a decision with the reason to 'help the legal ramifications' might not be the best reason for the long term. You do not have to get married because you arer pregnant, that is a religious point of view and brings with it a whole load of new problems. Using it as a solution or jumping into it thinking it will make everything great and wonderful is a tad idealistic not realistic.

Despite the circumstances, the father still has a right to be involved in the child's life, despite it being complicated and messy. TIME and a mediator or guidance counselor at a parental planning center or family counseling office can help you address the individual needs of your situation. That way there is an objective third party to mediate the communications and in particular, the feelings the father still has toward you. Helping the father separate his feelings for YOU from his feelings from the baby is a must.

It is noble and honorable that your new partner is so willing to be involved in your life and the baby's life, but you need to work through issues and problems with the biological father before the baby comes in an adult, mature focused way.
Some would say that it is unfair to expect the biological father to 'pay your way' if he is denied access to the baby and a role in its life, but he also must not use the baby to play on your emotions or to blackmail his way into your life/heart. Others would argue with me and say he must 'pay your way' because he had sex with you and resulted in a pregnancy. I disagree, but I do think that he needs to co-support the baby's needs, (as the law demands) and in return, he needs time to bond with the baby as its father, not as your partner/lover.
You are about to be co-allies of the child's life, that means despite your feelings for one another, you must come together to decide the best way in raising and supporting the child. Your new partner, is not the father, unless the biological father gives up his parental rights legally and it is illegal to put your new partners name on the birth certificate (I saw another girl asking if it was legal). Your new partner can act as a fatherly figure but he must also acknowledge that there is another father in the baby's life, should the biological father choose to be.
Your ex is obviously not detached from you and you being with someone else must hurt him. But this does not excuse his manipulative behavior, it sounds like he is hurt and desperate and when people feel that way, they tend to do and say things they don't mean and in that state it is hard to think and act rationally.

Good luck to you and your baby and everyone involved, think for the long term and remember the consequences of each decision and action you take will be affecting a new life for a long time.
Enjoy your pregnancy and journey into motherhood. Im sure you will make a great mom, because you are seekign help and advice-a great and wonderful thing. Just be wary of people who give advice which is biased or with an agenda meaning they have something to gain or are swaying you one way because of their own beliefs.