[meeeeb]

Hello everybody. I'm asking this question because I have nowhere else to go.

I grew up in a very violent household. Up until I was maybe 18, there were fights in the house almost twice a week. When I was young, I was beaten many times by both of my parents. I was then sent to military school, because I could not focus in math class. I tried to kill myself in military school, and was sent back home. My parents divorced, and my brother and I were in the middle of it.

One night my mother brought me downstairs, where my father was crying on the couch. She asked me if she should give him a second chance or divorce him. At that time, I was so loaded with the my mother and her family said about my father that I said "Yes, divorce him. He's a parasite that won't change."

A week later she initiated the divorce. For five years I was in between them, first hating my father, then hating my mother. Both sides telling me things about each other. I began smoking at a young age and ran away from home three or four times. I acted out in high school and was put on home schooling. Meanwhile, my uncle also threatened to beat me. I had a girlfriend when I was in high school, but my mother sabotaged our relationship. She started fights with her mother, then with her, and eventually it ended. I took to cutting myself and this culminated with seven suicide attempts and hospitalizations. My mother never trusted me, though I was always brutally honest. Meanwhile, my brother lies and does drugs and she doesn't care. I personally do not trust my mother because she does unpredictable things that have had a great effect on me- for instance, she called the cops on me when I was young. She twice fought with my therapist and ended my therapy.

I live with her now. I graduated college after six years and a nervous breakdown. During college, due to family problems, I was very depressed. I was in therapy and seeing a psychiatrist so I can piece my life together again. She did not like them and made the ultimatum- "end therapy with them or I will kick you out of the house". This led to a fight with her and my new stepdad. After the argument, I went to my college apartment and took 300 lithium pills and 150 seroquel pills. I also cut an artery in the bathtub. I really, really wanted to die. I was giving my stuff away to friends before that, knowing that I can't get help for my depression because she always starts issues with my therapist and doctor. Well, I was dead- for a few minutes in the hospital. My kidneys both failed and there was a lot of blood loss. I wish sometimes that I had died. As I was throwing up in the bathroom and bleeding out, I was scared to death and freaked out. I called the police and was rushed to the hospital.

Now I live with my mother and her new husband. It's a toxic environment. I have a new therapist that doesn't give much of a . I have a degree in psychology and no job, though I am applying every day and interviewing. I took myself off medication (except for an antidepressant) because the medication I was on ruined my memory and made me cognitively slow. I want to make something of my life. I am trying to take the GRE and go to graduate school for psychology. I have no support from my family. My father is poor and needy after 18 years of marriage with this crazy woman. I write this because I want hope. I'm trying to turn around and be normal again. But it is nearly impossible. My mother dumps her ty emotions on me all the time. It took me nearly dying for her to be nice- and only for a month. She's back to it again. I want hope. But I've lost faith in God and want to die half the time. What can I do to be "normal"? I just want to live a semi-happy life.

[LostGirl_86]

Wow I'm so sorry and I thought I was stuck in my situation. Sweetheart you need to get yourself away from your mom asap! You need to start a therapy best would probably be far away from them. I understand that you called the cops after your suicide attempt... I did the same. You need to get away from your mother and your father and your uncle to be able to focus on your life to get better. Stop caring about everybody other then yourself. It will take time but then you actually have a chance to get better. It will be hard since you don't have a job but there has to be a way. If there's anything I can do to help please let me know and don't give up I believe you can do it!