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J_9 · Mar 28, 2014, 07:08 AM

I understand needing sleep. I really do, but drinking then taking the sleeping pills is not healthy for you.

You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and empower yourself. You can empower yourself by getting angry at him for doing what he did. Use the anger to your advantage.

Now, as far as work, you tell your mom that you just need to get out of the house and do something that is normal in your life. It will make you feel better to get some fresh air and it will get your mind off things.

talaniman · Mar 28, 2014, 07:15 AM

J_9 is correct you should be angry at him and not question yourself. Get some sleep, without the extra stuff that isn't good for you.

J_9 · Mar 28, 2014, 07:18 AM

In cases like this, anger can be productive and get the results you need and deserve. Wallowing in self pity is detrimental to you right now and will not help your situation.

Get pi$$ed off, scream, yell, get mad. It's appropriate, and it's okay.

Homegirl 50 · Mar 28, 2014, 07:21 AM

I know you feel like you need to get out, but I also think your mom is worried for you. Talk to your mom and tell her you need to get out of the house, but don't disobey her.
As far as the pills and alcohol goes, as J_9 said, don't do anything that can discredit your story.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. What you did was very brave.

Noone2014 · Mar 28, 2014, 07:21 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

I understand needing sleep. I really do, but drinking then taking the sleeping pills is not healthy for you.

You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and empower yourself. You can empower yourself by getting angry at him for doing what he did. Use the anger to your advantage.

Now, as far as work, you tell your mom that you just need to get out of the house and do something that is normal in your life. It will make you feel better to get some fresh air and it will get your mind off things.

I didn't drink and take and take sleeping pills at the same time, and I didn't think about the way you put it either. I'm trying to be strong and think positive but it's hard when I can't get my thoughts tomstop. I don't feel sorry for myself I feel angry with myself and I trying hard to not think about it. I already told mum I need to get out that I need something to do to keep busy but I don't think she really was listening but I'll just go anyway I usually get p early on Saturday and go for a run then ride to work. I'll just leave her a note for when she gets up

J_9 · Mar 28, 2014, 07:25 AM

Why do you fell angry with yourself? You didn't do anything wrong. You should feel angry at him.

Don't do anything against your mother's wishes, you should, though, tell her that you need some normalcy in your life. Being cooped up is only making matters worse for you. I know she wants the best for you and is trying to protect you from other predators, but she also needs to know that you need to get out and away from your thoughts. The only way you can do this is to go to work, go to school. Otherwise you are cooped up in the house with nothing to do but think about this. She should understand this. I am a mother and I would understand.

Noone2014 · Mar 28, 2014, 07:29 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

In cases like this, anger can be productive and get the results you need and deserve. Wallowing in self pity is detrimental to you right now and will not help your situation.

Get pi$$ed off, scream, yell, get mad. It's appropriate, and it's okay.

I have been angry with him I was angry at him just after it happened I wanted to hurt him but at the time I thought it would also hurt my mum if I said anything tso I pushed it away. I don't know if I can get mad anymore the only thing I feel scared of him and disgusted when I think about him

J_9 · Mar 28, 2014, 07:33 AM

And you SHOULD feel disgusted with him. He is a disgusting child molesting pig! There is nothing wrong with feeling disgusted with him.

You didn't hurt your mum, you saved her from a world of heartache if you let this continue and he eventually did this to your sister. You didn't hurt your mum, he did.

Cat1864 · Mar 28, 2014, 07:34 AM

Has Families SA been there? If not, she may need for you to be home when they show up. If they have, did they make any recommendations for counseling and other forms of support to help you get through this?

Noone2014 · Mar 28, 2014, 07:37 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

Why do you fell angry with yourself? You didn't do anything wrong. You should feel angry at him.

Don't do anything against your mother's wishes, you should, though, tell her that you need some normalcy in your life. Being cooped up is only making matters worse for you. I know she wants the best for you and is trying to protect you from other predators, but she also needs to know that you need to get out and away from your thoughts. The only way you can do this is to go to work, go to school. Otherwise you are cooped up in the house with nothing to do but think about this. She should understand this. I am a mother and I would understand.

I feel angry at myself for this whole situation. I'm angry how everything is happening I don't feel like I'm in control of what's happening so I'm angry because I made it this way. I never wanted to tell my mum it's only because I came here and you all made me realise if I didn't something could happen to my sister and it would hurt my mum. So I'm not brave for telling my mum I wouldn't have told her if I thought my sister would be safe

Noone2014 · Mar 28, 2014, 07:41 AM

Originally Posted by Cat1864

Has Families SA been there? If not, she may need for you to be home when they show up. If they have, did they make any recommendations for counseling and other forms of support to help you get through this?

No they are coming on Monday for a home visit. So another day I have to stay at home

J_9 · Mar 28, 2014, 07:44 AM

Originally Posted by Noone2014

I feel angry at myself for this whole situation. I'm angry how everything is happening I don't feel like I'm in control of what's happening so I'm angry because I made it this way. I never wanted to tell my mum it's only because I came here and you all made me realise if I didn't something could happen to my sister and it would hurt my mum. So I'm not brave for telling my mum I wouldn't have told her if I thought my sister would be safe

Right now you are not in control of anything. But you know what? That is okay.

How did you "make it this way"? You didn't. If he was a respectful adult he wouldn't have done this to you. You didn't do anything.

You are VERY brave for telling your mum. Don't ever think you aren't. It takes a very brave person to do something they are afraid to do.

You are so much stronger, and braver, than you think you are. Most of us advising you are adults and/or parents. We are so proud of what you have become considering where you started in this thread.

Noone2014 · Mar 28, 2014, 07:54 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

Right now you are not in control of anything. But you know what? That is okay.

How did you "make it this way"? You didn't. If he was a respectful adult he wouldn't have done this to you. You didn't do anything.

You are VERY brave for telling your mum. Don't ever think you aren't. It takes a very brave person to do something they are afraid to do.

You are so much stronger, and braver, than you think you are. Most of us advising you are adults and/or parents. We are so proud of what you have become considering where you started in this thread.

I don't feel OK not knowing what's happening. Thinking about what's going to happen and what has happened is all I think about even when I'm trying to concentrate on something all of a sudden I find myself thinking about it I can't control it and I angry with myself cause I can't control my thoughts. When I didn't talk to anyone it was easier I could push the one thing in my head aside I stopped thinking and just listened to everything around me and for a while I was OK.

Wondergirl · Mar 28, 2014, 07:54 AM

Originally Posted by Noone2014

I feel angry at myself for this whole situation. I'm angry how everything is happening I don't feel like I'm in control of what's happening

That's why we get angry - because we feel we have lost control of a situation. But what I see in your situation is that you indeed ARE in control and have done all the right things for yourself, your sister, and even for your mum, for now and for the future. We are all so proud of you!

so I'm angry because I made it this way.

NO!!!!!! HE made it this way. Stop blaming yourself, and like J_9 said earlier, get off that pity pot and continue to be that brave girl we have been admiring throughout this thread.

J_9 · Mar 28, 2014, 08:00 AM

Originally Posted by Noone2014

I don't feel OK not knowing what's happening.

Nobody feels OK not knowing what's happening. I don't care if you are 15 or 51. None of us feel OK with that. But you know what... That's okay, believe it or not.

Originally Posted by Noone2014

Thinking about what's going to happen and what has happened is all I think about even when I'm trying to concentrate on something all of a sudden I find myself thinking about it

Guess what. That's normal for anyone of any age.

Originally Posted by Noone2014

When I didn't talk to anyone it was easier I could push the one thing in my head aside I stopped thinking and just listened to everything around me and for a while I was OK.

Be honest with me. Was it really easier? I don't think so.

Noone2014 · Mar 28, 2014, 08:00 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

That's why we get angry - because we feel we have lost control of a situation. But what I see in your situation is that you indeed ARE in control and have done all the right things for yourself, your sister, and even for your mum, for now and for the future. We are all so proud of you!

NO!!!!!! HE made it this way. Stop blaming yourself, and like J_9 said earlier, get off that pity pot and continue to be that brave girl we have been admiring throughout this thread.

How do I as you say get of the pity pot? I don't think what happened was my fault I do think about if I had only not stayed home that weekend how different it would be but I don't blame myself for what he did.

Cat1864 · Mar 28, 2014, 08:00 AM

Originally Posted by Noone2014

I feel angry at myself for this whole situation. I'm angry how everything is happening I don't feel like I'm in control of what's happening so I'm angry because I made it this way. I never wanted to tell my mum it's only because I came here and you all made me realise if I didn't something could happen to my sister and it would hurt my mum. So I'm not brave for telling my mum I wouldn't have told her if I thought my sister would be safe

You are brave. Being brave doesn't mean you aren't scared, hurt, angry and a lot of other negative emotions. Being brave means that you are facing those emotions and doing what you know is right.

I am very proud of you and the strength you are showing.

J is right. You did not cause this. He did.

Your mother may have reasons for wanting you to stay home. She may think she is protecting you. Calmly ask her why she wants you to stay home. If you feel like she isn't hearing you, write down in a short note why you want to go to work and school.

Noone2014 · Mar 28, 2014, 08:02 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

Nobody feels OK not knowing what's happening. I don't care if you are 15 or 51. None of us feel OK with that. But you know what... That's okay, believe it or not.

Guess what. That's normal for anyone of any age.

Be honest with me. Was it really easier? I don't think so.

It was easier until my mum wouldn't leave me alone kept pressuring me to talk to her.

J_9 · Mar 28, 2014, 08:02 AM

You get off the pity pot by getting mad. Being angry. This was a man who was supposed to protect you, but he took advantage of you. You get off the pity pot by knowing that you did nothing wrong, but he did.

Wondergirl · Mar 28, 2014, 08:23 AM

If I remember correctly, you had said earlier in this thread that he kept trying to touch you and would grab at you, so who knows what would have happened had you not said anything and he would still be coming to your house. And if you were successful at pushing him off, he just might have tried something with your sister, even at her age now. Yes, be very angry at him!