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 Originally Posted by redhed35
No way! I haven't heard that around here! WOW! --- want to hear a funny joke?
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan! They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive!
She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out: "Watch that f!cking wall!" |
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Originally Posted by redhed35
And it doesn't end there... always will be your "baby" and you will feel every hurt that she feels no matter how old she is... :) It truly is wonderful, though, to see them through the various stages. Just a heads up: The terrible twos will often repeat in the pre-teen or teen years in various degrees. Questioning, wanting independence, still needing you (but not wanting to admit it sometimes!), sulking when they don't get their way (but all their friends get to!), and throwing caution to the wind as they start to spread their wings more... :) |
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Don't talk to me doula,my 18 year old is driving me nuts... September and college can't come fast enough. The 17 year old is now talking about becoming a glamour model and NOT going to college... (shes having a laugh if she thinks that's going to happen) I'm cruel mean and yesterday I was evil... ah,the joys of motherhood. Ciara the youngest wants to be a vampire slayer or a chef? What? I said,sure,that's a great idea,and continued painting the hall. |
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Here's one for the circus: Daughter at work last night... a man walks up to her and another employee to inform them that there is a lady without clothes on a couple of aisles over. They go over, lady maybe late 50's, has stripped down to nothing but her panties. Clothes are folded on the floor, purse and a pill bottle on a shelf nearby. Manager is called, they block both ends of aisle, call police and paramedics. They get a towel and then a robe for the lady, who is unaware of them talking to her. Firefighters arrive, are very calming and caring with her, find out she is apparently coming off some medicine via doctors orders, is a teacher (wonder if she is from my school?? ), and they take her to hospital. Nothing like an almost completely naked lady in your store to relieve the monotony... :eek: Wonder if she will ever be brave enough to return for shopping? |
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Elderly couple goes to Jeruselum for a trip of a lifetime. During the trip his wife suffers a massive heart attatck. She dies while on vacation. The funeral home there states he can have her buried there for $150. But if he wants her to return to the states that's $5,000. The man thinks it over and says to get her ready and he will pay the $5,000. The funeral director looks somewhat puzzled. So he asks the man why spend so much when you can have her buried here for $150. The man replies. Kind sir, Years ago a man was buried here and in 3 days he rose from the dead. This time Id rather spend the money and not take my chances. |
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Originally Posted by albear
Pretty damn hot id say... :D I'm in great form today,got loads done,again,I'm wonderful. My wife abilities(learned from when married) combined with a skill and talent for multi tasking has left me with about an hour and a half of 'me' time... |
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Originally Posted by albear
Thanks for pointing that out good sir. I also found another one but I'll post it on my tattoo thread I've uh spammed this place enough with my photos. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/body-a...ml#post2477133 |
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Late to the party it seems.
Ill play the strongman part. If someone else claimed it, glad to talk about it in the dark alley out back. No weapons. One on one. First to win is first to buy a round. Those are the rules. As for the rest. I am b!tchy beyond belief. Id explain but this isn't SAG (that which never did and never will again exist)... nevertheless... I'm irritable and irritating. So hit me like your life depends upon it or me or kiss me like your love depends upon it... part one for the boys, part two for the women.. you're damn well going to get a response one way or the other. |
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