Check out some similar questions!

talaniman · Sep 25, 2009, 01:42 PM

Do you know how much that hurts to hear you say that if you did what I did your wife would leave you too? Thanks a lot. And nobody get my point here.

Okay Emo, you want the truth, you got it, instead of resolving your issues together, it deteriorated into game playing. Instead of confronting the unfairness of your situation, you let it go, and chose to play tit for tat, so she could know how you feel.

Your hurt, And I know that, but no way do you get to shift the responsibility from you, to anyone else, for how things worked out.

Sure you can make a case for her faults, but there is also enough blame for you too, so the quicker you acknowledge your own faults, the quicker we can sympathize with your loss.

Bottom line, we don't care what she did, its what you did about it that's the real issue to all of us here. Its done, and we all want you to heal, and be better for the experience. It may take a while, but you will be okay for it.

emopunk7 · Sep 25, 2009, 01:55 PM

T-Man... I couldn't break up with her no matter what she did to me. When it got to that point where she did it again I couldn't take it. Being that she was just as controlling, even though we both didn't want to be n we tried, I don't think its right that I never used it against her n yet she still went behind my back more than once n all I said to her was to be honest next time n still tman u say its my fault for being the same way that she was and u are wrong because if I respected her she couldve respected me.

talaniman · Sep 25, 2009, 02:17 PM

I couldn't break up with her no matter what she did to me.

No that's a big problem, and your problem to deal with.

You say its my fault for being the same way that she was, and You are wrong because if I respected her she could've respected me.

Yes she could have, but she didn't did she? You should have dumped her when she kept crossing the line of bad behavior.

Don't get mad and feel so disrespected, when you allowed it because their were no real consequences for her behavior, because you, "couldn't break up with her no matter what she did to me"

That was your position. So you got dumped for it. It may not be right, but the results are the same.

emopunk7 · Sep 25, 2009, 02:31 PM

Thank you T-Man for finally understanding. I appreciate it.

emopunk7 · Sep 25, 2009, 03:13 PM

So what should I do next time? Should I always be willing to dump a girl for something they do? She was the first to ever curse me out... was I suppose to dump her? Haven't u ever been cursed at? When I frustrated her at times I'd get cursed at. Or going out behind my back... is that a reason? We had good times but I don't think she really respected me too much. I'm doing good with no contact on a good note... is it bad to get a little sad about having to go to work?

Cat1864 · Sep 25, 2009, 04:58 PM

Emo, did you see my earlier post that said that you and your future girlfriend should discuss what you both expect in the relationship. Set boundaries that you both can live with.

One person setting boundaries is not a good thing. A good relationship should be a partnership. That doesn't mean everything runs smoothly or you get along all the time. It means that you work together to iron out the problems.

emopunk7 · Sep 25, 2009, 09:42 PM

A little back ground on myself.. I was taught that clubbing and going to bars is not a good thing since I was little. That's mostly why I get mad my girls would go... not mostly because I didn't trust but since it was wrong for me then why would they go alone... then I started going for my girlfriend so I would wonder why would she want to go alone... so that's how that problem started with gfs...

Things I worked on this time around...
1. I wouldn't get mad about clubbing or going out to bars together and I did it happily, but soon enough she wanted to go alone at times and to me that was crossing the line and I guess that's wrong of me?

2. I didn't talk to other girls on the phone.

3. I was always honest. She didn't like me seeing my girl cousin chrissy but I still would but I'd tell her even though she would be mad. Something she wudnt do for me!

4. I accepted her religion more and even would ask her to go to church because I don't think she ever asked me to go. I would go and pray a lot at her catholic church so that she knew I wanted to be a part of her.

I have a problem with gfs smoking and wanting to go clubbing and bars with friends. Should I just learn to accept it and that's it?

emopunk7 · Sep 25, 2009, 10:09 PM

Also is it reasonable to not want your girlfriend to go to a club or bar with only guys? My other ex would tell me she was going out with only guys to a bar. Is that okay for me to not accept that? Se would say I couldn't come because they wudnt like me.

Cat1864 · Sep 26, 2009, 04:58 AM

Emo, I can not tell you what is right or wrong to you. I can only tell you that when you get involved with a person she has to already share your basic beliefs. You can not change someone to fit what you need or want in a mate.

Do you know the saying about a square peg in a round hole? It isn't that the peg won't go into the hole. It's that it doesn't fit properly in the hole. There will always be a gap between the two unless the peg is too big for the hole and they are forced together to the point of damaging both.

No one will fit perfectly with you. You have to decide just how much of a gap between you and your future mate is acceptable for you and look for those qualities. You also have to decide what you are willing to compromise on. Compromise is and communication can be great padding to fill the gaps.

Bottom line is that, when you find this woman, you have to sit down and decide together what the boundaries for the relationship are. Boundaries that both of you can stay within and what the expectations are if either of you cross them. You both also have to keep in mind that relationships grow and change as the people in them change. That's Life. Part of being in a relationship is communicating and working together to decide if the changes are something you can both live with.

Justwantfair · Sep 26, 2009, 09:01 AM

Relationships fall apart, sometimes it isn't beneficial to try and determine 'blame' like you keep trying to do. The emotional dust is still high. Wait for your evaluation for a time when your emotions aren't clouding your judgement.

Right now, I want to hear about you, who you are, what you like to do and all those other things about you. Right now every comment is about you and her, I don't seem to believe that you understand you are still a person without her. You can't give up who you are, how you feel for a person, you have to love you first. I am not reading that in your posts. I am hearing I love being with someone else so much that I will do anything, be anyone just to please them.

emopunk7 · Sep 26, 2009, 10:50 AM

I need your help! I don't know if its because I had work today n I know I have to go back tomorrow and the next day but when I had my days off I felt strength n now I felt it go away. I find myself missing her more and thinking I won't find someone else like her again n I can hardly remember the bad she did. Its like my inside forgave everything she did and just wants her again now... what can I do? I need to be reminded of the bad she did so I can move on but I hardly can now. Am I getting worse instead of better? I'm scared of getting too sad again like last time.

amicon · Sep 26, 2009, 11:20 AM

Emo whatever happened you are still you.
You need to realise that you are a person in your own right and you are not dependt on anyone else.
However much this hurts here and now you need to move on and leave this behind you.
For your own good nobody else's.

talaniman · Sep 26, 2009, 11:55 AM

Should I put back the post from the last time, to review what was told you then? The advice is the same as before. Leave her alone, and go about your business. The feelings are the same for us, all after a break up, granted you may be more emotional. But for you this is the second time in a few years that you have gone through this. It took THOUSANDS of posts to talk you down then, because you couldn't/wouldn't listen.

My question is didn't you learn last time what to do?

Others don't know you as I do, but I do know its time to relax, and do what your supposed to. At the top of the list, going to work, and anything else your supposed to do. Heartbreak is not a free pass to sit and mope, and be unproductive.

Reread some of your older posts GIVING good advice to others, and follow your own advice. You got through this before, you'll do it again.

emopunk7 · Sep 26, 2009, 04:55 PM

Uh oh... I can't help but think that I want to go back n I should call her. What happened to my strength? I need to be around her. I can't help but think she is going to take me back soon. What's going on?

Cat1864 · Sep 26, 2009, 05:52 PM

Emo, I think you are determined to keep up a relationship that doesn't exist. What's going on is you playing mental and emotional games with yourself and us instead of actually listening and learning.

Why haven't you responded to latest advice instead of going on about wanting to contact her AGAIN? You know what we are going to say.

As long as you have your mental gears in reverse you are going to keep repeating yourself and making us repeat ourselves. That doesn't get anyone anywhere.

emopunk7 · Sep 26, 2009, 06:03 PM

OK... so what do I do? I have too many good memories n I can barely think of the bad n when I do I blame it on myself anyway!

Cat1864 · Sep 26, 2009, 06:28 PM

Originally Posted by emopunk7

ok...so what do I do? I have too many good memories n I can barely think of the bad n when I do I blame it on myself anyway!

Stop thinking about the past-good or bad. Let it fade into memory.

Work on your self-esteem and respect. READ and PAY ATTENTION to the advice you have already been given.

talaniman · Sep 26, 2009, 07:24 PM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...lk-303157.html

Given your time here, if you want this thread to stay open, you must follow the rules.

Ever ask yourself why you would still be so hung up on someone that has essentially constantly punked you out?

paxe · Sep 26, 2009, 07:26 PM

I haven't followed too much the thread but there is already almost 20 pages of comment. Emo, stop thinking and stop complaining. We help people that help themselves, if they do not want to listen then we are all wasting our time.

You know what you have to do, now you just need to follow it. You have feelings, but use your brain and stick to whatever we tell you. It is not your first break up and your story doesn't seem so bad. My ex kissed and cheated with another guy and took a picture of it while we were still together, and 2 weeks later with no contact I was able to get myself in better shape. So should you.

emopunk7 · Sep 26, 2009, 11:50 PM

Ok... I don't want everyone to think they are wasting their time. I have kept no contact and so far I haven't even cried once. I feel I think a lot about her but trying not to. I try remembering why this is all happening in the first place. She should have been honest and not gone behind my back and ignore me for 5 hours while I'm at work. I didn't deserve that. Knowing she was caught she could have gone home... she didn't have to stay out and ignore me. Anyway, sorry I just mentioned the past but it helps me right now. Its hard when you love but trying to be mad so that you can not feel so bad.

I just want to be happy. I'm staying active. I keep going to the gym. I want to get a six pack and I'm almost there. I love music and I have a rock band. We are practicing again on Tuesday. I just need to find more things to do.

For my next relationship I will be more trusting and at least let the girl go out with her girlfriends. Honestly I think I didn't really do anything wrong except maybe get mad when she wanted to go out... ok so call me the worst boyfriend ever.