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bigbird213 · Jun 3, 2008, 06:35 PM

For all you who seems to be just starting with NC, and are struggling in the early days/weeks I wanted to post about my status.

I am about a month and a half in (I believe, I never really counted). Trust me when I tell you that it does get better. I can relate to how all of you feel at this point. You still can't accept that it is over, you still want them to call, you are still checking your phone, your email, your voicemails -- praying for a message from them. Don't fret - this is normal.

Soon you will begin to notice a change in your overall mood. You might start to feel a little angry or bitter at your ex. You might start to miss them a little more, but for some reason you aren't very sad about it. Perhaps you will even feel like you need to cry to make yourself feel better but the tears just won't come. Good signs -- all of them. Once your mood changes, you know you are on the right path.

As your mood changes you begin to start making realizations about yourself. You spend more time thinking about yourself, how you feel and what you need to do. All of this helps the process speed up a little bit - it helps you understand what worked and what hasn't worked, and thus you can ensure you do the best you can for yourself.

After a month and a half I have had so many ups and downs that I couldn't even count them. One day you feel like you are over it. You feel so great, so happy - but eventually you will find yourself not feeling so great again. This is where the realizations come in. You will eventually have enough control over your mind to know that you will feel better someday - and when that day comes, your down times are MUCH shorter.

I still think of her every morning, and a few times during the day. The difference you ask? I don't think about her for long periods, and I know exactly what to do to get my mind off her. This is the sort of learning that goes on, and the sort of learning which is crucial to getting over this.

As time goes on, you learn how to control yourself and your mind. You discover that you truly are the only one in control of your future - and that is a GREAT feeling.

starlite1 · Jun 3, 2008, 07:01 PM

Thank you Big Bird :-) And I am so glad that you are feeling better! That is excellent!!

I just can't help feeling bad for me and for him... that I almost moved down there to finally have a life with him, and I was all ready and elated, then at the last minute... I totally backed out... I blew me away and I'm sure him as well... I wish I could make it all right again... take back what I had said... and have him feel my heartfelt apology, and him not even roconsidering... 'that ship has sailed"... that is breaking my heart... I'm sorry I keep repeating myself... I am so sorry...

classicrocker · Jun 3, 2008, 07:03 PM

Well put big bird

hjpan · Jun 3, 2008, 07:06 PM

Originally Posted by starlite1

Thank you Big Bird :-) And I am so glad that you are feeling better!! That is excellent!!!

I just can't help feeling bad for me and for him...that I almost moved down there to finally have a life with him, and I was all ready and elated, then at the last minute...I totally backed out....I blew me away and I'm sure him as well...I wish I could make it all right again...take back what I had said.....and have him feel my heartfelt apology, and him not even roconsidering....'that ship has sailed"....that is breaking my heart....I'm sorry I keep repeating myself....I am so sorry....

Same situation EXCEPT my ex was going to move near me.

dollarman · Jun 3, 2008, 08:20 PM

Stay strong guys. I think it may just be an off day as I have felt the growing pains as well, but we have to stay on the path to recovery. If they decide to help us with that, they can join us on this journey. Ending day 5!

NorthernNiceGuy · Jun 3, 2008, 08:46 PM

Eughhhh, she's making this very difficult on me... She tried to add me as a friend on Facebook tonight. Thank god when we were dating I set her privacy settings for her and all I can see is her profile pic and personal info. I can see that she kept all my Facebook gifts. I would get her a flower on every special occasion to make a little virtual bouquet on her profile. Cheesy I know but she still has it. In her profile pic she looks great, as beautiful as ever. But I know, beautiful on the outside, ugly on the inside. Just got to keep telling myself I am better than this and her, and I will do better! Everybody says I can so it must be true right? I wish she would piss off though... It made me feel like crap.

And if anyone is wondering, I rejected the request.

This weekend is going to be really rough with her home. I know she is going to try and contact me to get together.

hjpan · Jun 3, 2008, 08:48 PM

Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

eughhhh, shes making this very difficult on me... She tried to add me as a friend on facebook tonight. Thank god when we were dating I set her privacy settings for her and all i can see is her profile pic and personal info. I can see that she kept all my facebook gifts. I would get her a flower on every special occasion to make a little virtual bouquet on her profile. Cheesy I know but she still has it. In her profile pic she looks great, as beautiful as ever. But I know, beautiful on the outside, ugly on the inside. Just got to keep telling myself I am better than this and her, and I will do better! Everybody says i can so it must be true right? I wish she would piss off though... It made me feel like crap.

And if anyone is wondering, i rejected the request.

This weekend is going to be really rough with her home. I know she is going to try and contact me to get together.

Maybe she wanted to be friends..

NorthernNiceGuy · Jun 3, 2008, 09:18 PM

Originally Posted by hjpan

Maybe she wanted to be friends...?

I know she misses me. I know it doesn't mean anything. It has only been 5 weeks and the last time she tried to add me I rejected it and told her we weren't friends and not to do that anymore. The last time we had contact she gave me ( a week and a half ago) she texted me saying how much she was missing me, and wanted to "maybe" work on fixing us, and even asked in another text if I had been laid yet. When she got her answer she ignored the rest of my texts and hasn't contacted me since.

And last time she added me as a friend all she did was get mad at me for having girls writing on my wall.

Its selfish, I asked her not to add me because it hurt me and she has disregarded what I said so she can feel better by knowing what I am up to.

hjpan · Jun 3, 2008, 09:26 PM

Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

I know she misses me. I know it doesn't mean anything. It has only been 5 weeks and the last time she tried to add me i rejected it and told her we wern't friends and not to do that anymore. The last time we had contact she gave me ( a week and a half ago) she texted me saying how much she was missing me, and wanted to "maybe" work on fixing us, and even asked in another text if i had been laid yet. When she got her answer she ignored the rest of my texts and hasn't contacted me since.

And last time she added me as a friend all she did was get mad at me for having girls writing on my wall.

Its selfish, I asked her not to add me because it hurt me and she has disregarded what I said so she can feel better by knowing what I am up to.

Best way is to end with friendship.
Considering just having her on facebook is pretty lenient.
There's nothing wrong with friends; yes, memories will stay there =/

As for your ex getting mad, you have to understand females are emotional creatures. My ex used to be all jealous since majority of the people I talk to are girls. It's a common.

dollarman · Jun 3, 2008, 09:35 PM

Facebook is something else. I actually haven't logged on myspace or Facebook since things happened. It really helps to just cut your ties. Instead of staying on those sites, I've been reading instead. Either way, I know how tough it is because I've been up and down all day. Lol... it would be nice to smooth these things over... wishful thinking took over.

Stay strong guys, I'm posting here everyday and it has been helping me.

NorthernNiceGuy · Jun 3, 2008, 09:36 PM

Originally Posted by hjpan

Best way is to end with friendship.
Considering just having her on facebook is pretty lenient.
There's nothing wrong with friends; yes, memories will stay there =/

As for your ex getting mad, you have to understand females are emotional creatures. My ex used to be all jealous since majority of the people I talk to are girls. It's a common.

Yea its only been 5 weeks from a 4 year relationship. Friends doesn't happen that fast... I didn't ask for a friend, I have lots of those. Read my story, think you'll see how manipulative and selfish she was. I am not trying to disagree with you, but she hurt me deep buddy... And I don't think doing something that I asked her not to because it hurt me is reasonable. Its kind of in line with everything else about her, its always about her.

hjpan · Jun 3, 2008, 09:52 PM

Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

yea its only been 5 weeks from a 4 year relationship. Friends doesn't happen that fast... I didn't ask for a friend, I have lots of those. Read my story, think you'll see how manipulative and selfish she was. I am not trying to disagree with you, but she hurt me deep buddy... And I don't think doing something that I asked her not to because it hurt me is reasonable. Its kinda in line with everything else about her, its always about her.

My bad~ sorry =/

Now, after reading your post...

You are better without her. I do not know what the heck happened, but her friends started 8iching you out? That's awkward. My ex's friends never sent me any mails or texts to me how I'm an @^s and such.

After reading about her, I do realize maybe one of the reasons why my ex left..
It's because I'm attending a prestigious university which keeps me busy about 75% of the time. I guess she wanted someone who is able to spend time with her and such~

I'm not book smart nor street smart, but people tell me that I will be a genius.. lol

NorthernNiceGuy · Jun 3, 2008, 10:30 PM

No problem hjpan.

Her friends never did that, but thanks for the support. Just got to keep telling myself I am better off.

hjpan · Jun 3, 2008, 10:59 PM

Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

No problem hjpan.

Her friends never did that, but thanks for the support. Just got to keep telling myself I am better off.

Not at all.. lol

jpm247 · Jun 4, 2008, 03:03 AM

Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

No problem hjpan.

Her friends never did that, but thanks for the support. Just got to keep telling myself I am better off.

Its not an easy thing to do, but your doing the right thing. Its been close to 7 months since my split, and just over 3 months since a hiccup which took me back to square one. Otherwise I think I am close to 90 days of NC.

Still think of my ex, not as much as I did, but still miss her company in many ways. Not fully healed yet, but am on the right track.

Good times are ahead for all of us!

bigbird213 · Jun 4, 2008, 06:58 AM

NNG,

You did the right thing - don't worry about it. At this point, the right thing is whatever feels good to you. You are only looking out for one person now, numero uno - yourself. Of course you will still consider her feelings when you make decisions, but your needs much be above hers. For example, I wouldn't recommend sleeping around and throwing it in her face - that's just painful to her and unnecessary, but there is no reason for you to accept a friend request if you think it will hurt you - no hard feelings but you need time.

I hear you about friends. I'd like to be friends with my ex someday, but it will take time. After a 4 year relationship, there are a LOT of feelings that need to work out of my system before I can even consider that. I don't want to be thrown back to the starting line after a month and a half of NC, I'm sure you don't either :)

Hang tough bud

NorthernNiceGuy · Jun 4, 2008, 10:16 AM

Thanks guys,

Yea feel like an a$$ for doing it but at the same time I know it would kill me to be her friend. I am already feeling more down these days, and this didn't help. Still nervous about her being home this weekend, I know there is a phone call coming...

chuff · Jun 4, 2008, 10:21 AM

Originally Posted by dollarman

Stay strong guys, I'm posting here everyday and it has been helping me.

I wish I had more time to devote to this site then I used to but there is a lot help in that message, especially for guys. We don't have the network to go and tell our problems to like women do, so we wind up bottling up a lot of the pain and then it winds up making it worse. Posting here is a great way to relieve that pain and also learn some things that will help you in the future.

zooropa1985 · Jun 4, 2008, 10:23 AM

Well my ex just mailed me to let me know how better her life is without me in it and how she's become a happier person.

Nice isn't she lol

chuff · Jun 4, 2008, 10:26 AM

Originally Posted by zooropa1985

well my ex just mailed me to let me know how better her life is without me in it and how shes become a happier person.

nice aint she lol

Normally I would not take time to answer her back but in this instance, I might suggest a simple, one line email that reads, "and yet you are still thinking about me. Thanks, you just made my day!"