I don't know

Wildcat21 · Jan 16, 2006, 02:47 PM

Yes, yes, yes... I've helped gals and gals do this... many... BUT: You can't break because of cheating, lies - you need to maintain levels of respect and trust. (yes those do break down). There CAN NEVER be any abuse - verbal, mental, physcial.

BUT, you have to change.

It sounds like in your situation you can win back - but you have to SHOW you've changed. Show it - no more jealousy, no more insecure - you are the fun guy, the guy she can count on, the guy who also has a life.

Chery · Jan 16, 2006, 03:45 PM

I was separated from my current boyfriend for two whole years, and refused to even talk to him, although we live in the same building. He came to me several time to try and make amends, but I kept strong. After the two years I accepted a Christmas dinner invitation and we've been together again every since - this is three years now. He did change a bit - not jealous, demeaning, and even helps in the kitchen. He also has started watching comedy shows with me to spend time with me doing something I like. So, yes it is possible. Now, when he upsets me, I tell him right off the bat and we clear it up and don't go to bed angry at each other anymore, but we still do have some great spats - the making up is fun. He used to drink a lot, and he's even stopped that and drinks one weekend a month at a friend's house, and comes home not yelling anymore either.

one_life · Feb 18, 2006, 11:42 PM

Hey everybody how is it going? Its been a long time. Well, I'm still work at the place with my ex, yes she is still my ex. This is the way I figure it, she broke up with me, and she wants to get back with she has to at least make an effort. I'm not going to be the one to initiate anything this time. I'm not going to play any games here. If she wants me back and she is too stuborn to say so, then let it stay that way.

It took me so many months just to get over the hurt. I'm much stronger and I am moving on. If she even initiates anything then it is up to me if I really want to be in a relationship with her at that stage of my life. In the mean while I'll continue to do what I do, and move on with my life.

talaniman · Feb 19, 2006, 06:44 AM

Now that's what I call growing up and correcting your mistakes,a very mature attitude.

Wildcat21 · Feb 19, 2006, 02:02 PM

Good job. And DATE!! Date!! Date!!

Takes a lot of frogs sometimes.

Chery · Feb 22, 2006, 07:43 AM

Originally Posted by one_life

Hey everybody how is it going? Its been a long time. Well, I'm still work at the place with my ex, yes she is still my ex. This is the way I figure it, she broke up with me, and she wants to get back with she has to at least make an effort. I'm not going to be the one to initiate anything this time. I'm not going to play any games here. If she wants me back and she is too stuborn to say so, then let it stay that way.

It took me so many months just to get over the hurt. I'm much stronger and I am moving on. If she even initiates anything then it is up to me if I really want to be in a relationship with her at that stage of my life. In the mean while I'll continue to do what I do, and move on with my life.

SUPER PROUD OF YOU, and do what Wildcat suggests - don't stay at home. Glad we were able to be here for you, and will continue to be.

Love, Chery

one_life · Feb 25, 2006, 10:50 PM

Hi everyone. Well I still stand by what I said in my last post. I think she is trying to make me jealous now. I used to give her rides home after work. In the last few days, she is being picked up by someone else. I think that is her attempt to make me feel jealous. I instead as usually acted indifferent to that.

Wildcat21 · Feb 26, 2006, 12:44 PM

Jjkljkljkljkl

Wildcat21 · Feb 26, 2006, 12:45 PM

No, I think that's her attempt that she's moved on. You need to do the same. Unfortunately, you had done too much danage. Again, leave her alone. Only be cordial with her for now - no seriosu conversatiosn - don't return the e-mail. Don't answer her calls... quit giving her rides. You've been friended. Still playing the 'nice guy'.

Chery · Feb 27, 2006, 08:15 AM

I'm not going to be the one to initiate anything this time. I'm not going to play any games here. If she wants me back and she is too stuborn to say so, then let it stay that way.

It took me so many months just to get over the hurt. I'm much stronger and I am moving on. If she even initiates anything then it is up to me if I really want to be in a relationship with her at that stage of my life. In the mean while I'll continue to do what I do, and move on with my life.

Read your own words, listen to us and stop thinking about her. You've done well in getting over it - now get off your duff and start meeting new people, and wash this (******) out of your head, or you will be a basket case!

I know it's easy giving others advice, and hard to take it when you're involved, but for goodness sake - wake up and smell the coffee now!

If I could, I'd reach through the monitor and spank you!

Wildcat21 · Feb 27, 2006, 08:42 AM

Stop being 'nice' to her because she isn't coming back that way - ever.

momincali · Feb 27, 2006, 07:25 PM

Hi One_Life,
I think that she may have gotten a vibe from you that you were still a little too interested in her and she felt she had to somewhat detach to not give you the wrong impression and encourage a come-on. This may be her way of controlling the distance she keeps from you. This way, she decides when she calls, when she emails, when she glances over at you. That's a lot of control. I would suggest that you don't answer her calls, don't return them if she leaves a message, don't email or text her and don't return her emails or texts. If she glances at you at work, don't smile at her or wave unless she does it first. If she asks why you don't return her calls and so-forth, let her know you are usually out with friends and don't spend much time at home and when you are there, you usually have company. I'm not asking you to be rude in any way or form, just not overly friendly. No need to ask her personal questions, keep it business-friendly and a little fun, but not necessarily fun solely for her, just light.

one_life · Feb 27, 2006, 11:33 PM

Let me set the record straight here, I never call her, I never e-mail or text her, I never flirt with her at work. I been sort of seeing and dating some other women in the last month and half. I've noticed that I'm acting indifferent towards her, she also noticed this and number of times brought it to my attention directly or indirectly. The only reason I give her rides home is cause it is pretty late when we get off work. Just before Vilentines day, she was acting all warm and fussy with me, I never returned any sort of feelings. I never called or wished her anything on vilentines day. I could see she was kind of dissapointed about it. She makes all these remarks about how other women at work have the hots for me. So I'm the one showing no interest at least in the past month and half.

As for her, she might just be feeling left out and wants my attention. I don't think she'll ever put in the work to get me back, instead she'll leave it up to me. I got to admit she is selfish. I bet she doesn't even remember what she did or how she used a lame excuse to breakup with me. Like some people, they breakup with you for no good reason and then start to want you back, not remembering the hurt they put you through. I an't going through that again. She better put in the work if she wants me back, instead of playing stupid games like trying to make me jealous. That only makes me distance myself away further. It only disgust me more.

Wildcat21 · Feb 28, 2006, 08:39 AM

"I would suggest that you don't answer her calls, don't return them if she leaves a message, don't email or text her and don't return her emails or texts." - I've been telling him that for months - he says he doesn't do this, but I believe other wise.

He SAYS he doesn't this stuff... yet there he is giving her a ride - being a sap.

tsetsy · Feb 28, 2006, 03:09 PM

Originally Posted by one_life

I don't know if this means anything, lately my ex (works at the same place) been giving me a funny vibe. She moved to our department(3 weeks back), so I get to see her more often now. I catch her sneeking peeks at me and then turns away quickly, giving me smiles once too many. Saying hi more then before. Just a week back she called to say hi and see what I was up to. I took that as she wanted to know what I was up to and nothing more. I don't know what to make of it. I don't want to read too much into it. Any clues on whats really going on?.................

Hi,
A lot of guys are not able to understand how women show the way they feel about a guy but at least you are looking for an answer. If your ex is smiling at you and saying hi so often than she is probably trying to say that she still has feelings for you and wants you to talk to her. Weather you want to talk to her or not is up to you but if you like her still than you should talk to her and try to be friends maybe ther's still a fire burning but you have to decide if you are willing to be in a relationship with her again.

Wildcat21 · Feb 28, 2006, 03:13 PM

Yeah, in the movies.

In real life, people want what they can't have. Always.

Those are tests. You keep responding to them and you fail. She wants the chase, believe me. Challenge.

one_life · Mar 1, 2006, 11:51 AM

Originally Posted by tsetsy

Hi,
a lot of guys are not able to understand how women show the way they feel about a guy but at least you are looking for an answer. If your ex is smiling at you and saying hi so often than she is probably trying to say that she still has feelings for you and wants you to talk to her. Weather you want to talk to her or not is up to you but if you like her still than you should talk to her and try to be friends maybe ther's still a fire burning but you have to decide if you are willing to be in a relationship wiht her again.

Thanks for the advise on that post, but I was my very first original post for this thread.
Its confusing to peope, since they start to put the original post on top of page.

Wildcat do you ever read anything? Damn!!

one_life · Mar 1, 2006, 11:54 AM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Yeah, in the movies.

In real life, people want what they can't have. Always.

Those are tests. You keep responding to them and you fail. She wants the chase, believe me. Challenge.

What else is new with you. Always the same old tired stuff. Did you read what I wrote in my last post, or as usual you blindly posted the first thing that came into your mind. It makes me wonder how you sustain a relationship with a women with that attitude. You have an annoying nagging trait about you. Never listening to others, always bursting out your criticism.

Are you calling me liar, cause that is exactly what you're doing. When I post something here, I just don't make it up for your entertainment and amusment. When I say I did not do those things you're accusing me off, I mean it.
Maybe a bit of trust is acquired on your part. You know the same trust you always talk about in a relationship. Trust in your fellow human too, not just between a man and woman in a relationship.

Please don't start on how you deal in tough love now. I heard it all before. You have no sound advise to give based on what I post, then don't give it at all. I just think you like to see your irrelevant to the topic, posts here, maybe you get a kick out or a rush out of it.

P.S. No more copying and pasting of stuff that you get from relationship sites. Come up with your own thoughts. It is known as copyright infringement.

Chery · Mar 5, 2006, 10:47 AM

Dear one_life, I'm certain that by now, with all the time, effort, emotion and frustration you've invested in this particular relationship, you are probably very sick and tired of it.

You have, I've noticed, advanced to the stage where indifference is priority and that's good for you. If she does want you back, it's on her to prove that she is worthy - without playing those games. You are way past the game-playing stage and are ready for a sincere relationship. If with her, or someone else, I'm sure that you will manage, no matter what.

You now have benefited from your 'roller-coaster' ride and have landed on sound feet from what I read and am glad that some way we were able to contribute to this metamorphosis.

Through this experience, you have also been able to contribute experienced advice to others and I'm proud that you took this initiative and will continue to help others as well.

No matter the outcome, I hope you stay on with us and expect to see more posts from you.

I'm sure I don't need to caution you about 'rebounds', but it's just something I think I need to remind you about, and that not all girls are the same.

You proved that people can change for the better and am sure that you will give others the chance to do so and will encourage them as well.

Lots of love and luck,
Chery (Mom2)

one_life · Mar 6, 2006, 08:07 AM

Originally Posted by Chery

Dear one_life, I'm certain that by now, with all the time, effort, emotion and frustration you've invested in this particular relationship, you are probably very sick and tired of it.

You have, I've noticed, advanced to the stage where indifference is priority and that's good for you. If she does want you back, it's on her to prove that she is worthy - without playing those games. You are way past the game-playing stage and are ready for a sincere relationship. If with her, or someone else, I'm sure that you will manage, no matter what.

You now have benefited from your 'roller-coaster' ride and have landed on sound feet from what I read and am glad that some way we were able to contribute to this metamorphosis.

Thru this experience, you have also been able to contribute experienced advice to others and I'm proud that you took this initiative and will continue to help others as well.

No matter the outcome, I hope you stay on with us and expect to see more posts from you.

I'm sure I don't need to caution you about 'rebounds', but it's just something I think I need to remind you about, and that not all girls are the same.

You proved that people can change for the better and am sure that you will give others the chance to do so and will encourage them as well.

Lots of love and luck,
Chery (Mom2)

Thank you very much