[tiodaat]

Update of sorts:

I live in Minnesota, and as some of you may know, there was a tragic incident involving a major bridge collapsing.

I live very close to the bridge, and my ex text me to make sure that I was all right.

The bridge collapsed about 30 minutes after I emailed my ex. As it were, looks like if I had been a little more patient, I would have gotten contact from her without sending the email.

[mckenzie134]

Exactly. Patience is the name of the game!!

He who has patience will normally win...

You must wait it out..

If she wnts you she will let you know never do ANYTHING again!!

[FrOsT_bItE]

Honestly you need to choose on your own. It's nice that two of your friends want to help, but this is your life so you need to make your own decisions. Listen to your heart.

[talaniman]

Hard to heal from the past when your still dwelling on the past. Its hard for sure but its worth it.

[tiodaat]

Update of sorts:

My ex IMed me the other night, and we talked for a little more than a half an hour. This is by far the longest we've chatted in a while, and I was incredibly happy.

She also IMed me earlier this afternoon for a few minutes.

I have two concerns:

1. I am so happy to be talking with her, but I know I am getting my hopes up and I feel deflated when I am not talking to her.

2. That I might be too "available." I don't want to play games with her or ignore her, but I don't think it's fair to me that I, in a sense, answer her every beckon call. That said, I don't think she is using me for anything at the moment, and I just answered her IMs.

Anyone have any thoughts/advice for me?

[talaniman]

Reread my post and think on it. Let us know where youhonestly think this will lead.

[samesame]

Be careful, don't get your hopes up, take it slow and don't make yourself too available. The same thing happened to me. My ex IM'd me a few times and we talked all day from work a few times, I felt great and had hope but it really didn't make any good difference at all in the long run, because she's still my ex. You need her to miss you. She is confused right now, and probably in a way that is not good for you in the long run (in other words she's leaning more to leaving you than staying with you). If she's nice to you and gives you the time of day all it could mean is that she cares about you and wants to be your friend or wants to let you down easy, but none of that makes any difference in the long run. The only thing that does is if she comes back and tells you she wants to try again and loves you. Until that day comes, don't be fooled by any illusions... false hope is a real killer. Don't ignore her, but don't always make yourself always available either. And don't make any more effort than she does. It's a two way effort. I hope this helps. Take care, best of luck, and have a good weekend.

[tiodaat]

Reread my post and think on it. Let us know where youhonestly think this will lead.

Tal,

I've read your post several times--and I know it is wonderful advice.

I honestly have no idea where any my conversations with my ex are leading. After I sent her the email the other day, I really wasn't sure how she would respond.

As I said, our conversation yesterday was the longest we've had since the breakup, and I really don't know what, if anything, she is thinking about us.

School starts in the coming weeks for the both of us, and things will be much more routine and "normal," so to speak, then.

I've been taking better care of myself--going out with friends, working out, reading, not bringing my ex up with my friends all the time, etc. That said, I still care about my ex very much.

I intend to stick with the NC on my end, but when she initiates contact with me, I honestly don't know if I could somehow ignore it.

I've never been hung up, so to speak, on someone this long. I guess part of that likely has to do with the fact that I hadn't dated any seriously for a while, as I tend to live the single life. That, and this is the first time I my life I actually felt confident that I loved someone (although I am only 24).

I know I can't dwell on the past, or what may have been, but if she can be a part of my future, I would be immensely happy.

Thank you again for your kind and consistent advice to me.

[tiodaat]

Be careful, don't get your hopes up, take it slow and don't make yourself too available. The exact same thing happened to me. My ex IM'd me a few times and and we talked all day from work a few times, I felt great and had hope but it really didn't make any good difference at all in the long run, because she's still my ex. You need her to miss you. She is confused right now, and probably in a way that is not good for you in the long run (in other words she's leaning more to leaving you than staying with you). if she's nice to you and gives you the time of day all it could mean is that she cares about you and wants to be your friend or wants to let you down easy, but none of that makes any difference in the long run. The only thing that does is if she comes back and tells you she wants to try again and loves you. until that day comes, don't be fooled by any illusions...false hope is a real killer. Don't ignore her, but don't always make yourself always available either. And don't make any more effort than she does. It's a two way effort. I hope this helps. Take care, best of luck, and have a good weekend.

Thanks, same.

I appreciate your advice, and it resonates with what one of my close friends said--if I am legitimately busy, then don't go out of my way to talk with her, etc. but if I am free, then treat her with the same respect I would as anyone else that I care about.


As I said above, life will be much more routine for the both of us in the coming weeks, and I don't know what, if any, effect that will have on her thoughts about me. I guess only time will tell.

Thanks again for your response.

[tiodaat]

Update of sorts:

Well, after sending me instant messages the past three days, she asked me if I wanted to meet up for a drink or something in the near future.

I am still in shock somewhat, as this was about the last thing I was expecting her to say.

We don't have any definite plans yet--and I am trying hard not to be too hopeful about meeting up with her.

I really have no idea what, if anything, she is thinking.

[Skell]

Just call her, or better yet, if you can, myspace or text her, that way you dont have to deal with as much aquwardness, and there is less chance of aquward silence, plus then it will show that you are still kinda interested, yet at the same time that you want to know how she feels, and dont want to rush anything. if you wait, you could lose all oppourtunities, and further contact might be seen as wierd, but now seems like the prefect time to jump in and call.

You need to read the whole thread. Not just the first post. This thread has evolved a lot from the first question.

[tiodaat]

Update of sorts:

As far as I know, my ex should know that I still care about her.

That said, I am worried I am setting myself up for heartache again if I meet up with her for drinks, as I really have no idea what she is thinking about us right now.

Is there anything I can do to feel things out more, or do I pretty much just have to take the risk of feeling more pain if I go and she was thinking in terms of friendship, and nothing else?

[tormanatort]

1.

[aaron80]

You go and you have a drink, you have a chat that is all don't bring up the relationship, she knows what you want and if she doesn't she will ask if she wants you back she will let you know. She wanted to have a break so she knows its up to her if she wants to return. She was OK coming to you about the break so she should be OK coming toi you to reconcile.

Just go have a quick drink tell her it was great to see you and go. That's how simple it is have a good time think of a few things to say before you go. Don't talk crap and whatever you do don't stay long...

[tiodaat]

Some background is found in the later parts of this thread:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...er-114955.html

It has been close to seven weeks since we broke up, and we have talked on instant messenger the past four days. On Saturday, she asked me if I wanted to get together for a drink or something in the near future.

I am still in love with her, and as far as I know, she should know that I still have feelings for her.

That said, I really have no idea what she is thinking, what spurred the recent communication, and why she wants to get together with me.

I am not sure if I can handle a strictly "friendly" get together with her, but I am also not sure how I can fish out her intentions before I meet with her.

Does anyone have any advice on how to best approach this situation, on whether I should ask her to clarify why she wants to get together, and/or how I should act if I do meet with her?

Thanks everyone.

[Jiser]

Hey there, after about the same amount of time into my breakup my ex did the same thing over MSN. Nothing came about of it. However we did go out clubbing a few times and on her birthday. She kissed another guy in front of me on one of the nites. In fact maybe it was an ego thing, see if she had control of me still or just wanted to have a friendship with me, which is very emotionally unhealthy if your still invested in your ex partner.

Seven weeks is a short time, probably not enough time to let the emotional dust settle. Make your choice. No contact is often the best choice. It will allow you both to get your own lives back and let time kill the wounds and realise what went wrong.

If you continue to have contact it may hurt you and ruin your chances of getting healthy! - bare that in mind.

Don't play games however, ask yourself what you want from this girl. If you want her back go along with an open mind, keep it short and sweet. Maybe you both need to realise why you are wanting this meeting?

[GlindaofOz]

I would say do not do it. I really recommend to not see the ex until you feel over it. At 7 weeks that is just not enough time. I would stop talking to her over MSN, 4 days in a row is a little much at this point. I would just tell her you can't make it and leave it at that.

You have a responsibility to yourself to get healthy and feel good. I have a feeling that seeing her will send you into a bad downward spiral.

[MissingHim2Much]

I was wondering that in that 7 weeks what's the longest that you both went with absolutely no contact if any?

[Skell]

What do you want to do?

[tiodaat]

What do you want to do?

I want us to get back together.

Whether meeting her for drinks is a part in that process, I am unsure.

I do not know if I can just go out for drinks as friends, and essentially be heartbroken again.