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Skell · Feb 1, 2007, 09:46 PM

OK sorry. The one before. Ive read a bit more now and understand.

My advice above still stands though. I think you know what to do!!

LBP · Feb 1, 2007, 09:48 PM

Be polite but distant... If she wants you, man, she'll be there. You're only playing into her hands by being her lapdog. I mean, the best case scenario here is that she considers you a really good friend and you consider her MUCH MORE THAN THAT! Do you want to be that sad guy at the end of the movie who confesses his unrequited love after taking the bullet (for whatever reason)? No way!

If she still has feelings for you, that stuff will manifest. If not, not.

Geoffersonairplane · Feb 2, 2007, 06:03 AM

I agree that she wants you on the back burner in case something goes wrong with what she is doing now but do you really want to play the role of 'door mat'..

Surely you value yourself more than that..

Oh, and to answer your previous question about why is she so interested in your life?

She is interested in knowing if she still has control over you, if she still has you which in fact, she quite clearly does. You must regain control yourself.

Cut all contact!

rol · Feb 2, 2007, 06:37 AM

<<She knows you still have feelings for her and she likes it. She likes to knows she has power over you and controls you. Because she does!
>>

She may not even realise he still has feelings..
I'm not sure its even about power or control ,she just thinks he wants to be friends.
But she is with the other guy and happy and the reason she mentions him is just not to give you any false hope.
Even if she breaks up with him she will find someone else.

sfqt33 · Feb 2, 2007, 09:24 AM

So, the answer here is Cut off all contact. Regain my control. Rol, why do you say that even if she breaks up with her current partner she will find someone else?
Doesn't make sense.Anyway, it doesn't matter anymore. I have decided to cut off all contact. I know when things hit the fan, and they will She will be trying to contact me. I just know I have to be strong and not engage. I know this has kept me stuck from dating other woman. I want too but, I guess I have been waiting for this one.

rol · Feb 2, 2007, 09:30 AM

I just feel you have fallen into the "friend zone"

Yes cut off the contact and at least you will be out of that zone.

Then she will either feel the absence from her life or will not, but as she is so happy with her current boyfriend she probably will not.

Geoffersonairplane · Feb 2, 2007, 09:43 AM

Originally Posted by rol

i just feel you have fallen into the "friend zone"

Yes cut off the contact and at least you will be out of that zone.

Then she will either feel the absense from her life or will not, but as she is so happy with her current boyfriend she probably will not.

I agree and until she is unhappy, she won't be placing you anywhere but in the friend zone, if that is really where she wants/has you.

Wildcat21 · Feb 2, 2007, 10:38 AM

LET HER GO DUDE!!

She's with another guy!!

You MIGHT be plan B - NO ONE WANTS TO BE PLAN B.

She msut like the attention... just stop.

Yep - you're there friend AND you ACT like her friend. That's it.

EXTREMELY, extremely hard to get out the friend zone - once a woman places you in the friedn zone - you're pretty much done. She's moved on - never to return - that' s just women.

Wildcat21 · Feb 2, 2007, 11:03 AM

Wh tmight happen is IF you stop contact - she may one day have feelinsg again.

sfqt33 · Feb 2, 2007, 11:22 AM

Why would that be. Because people always want what they can't have? And if she see's that I'm not there she may miss me, us?

talaniman · Feb 3, 2007, 04:23 PM

Originally Posted by sfqt33

Why would that be. Because people always want what they can't have? And if she see's that I'm not there she may miss me, us?

No! You are not relationship material, only a plaything for when she is bored. You have no clue about relationships, and she knows that, so you are there to amuse her when she has nothing else to do. I strongly suggest you go back and see all the posts you have made here and decide to stop playing games with yourself, and start to grow up and make better decisions.

Skell · Feb 4, 2007, 02:35 PM

Originally Posted by sfqt33

Why would that be. Because people always want what they can't have? And if she see's that I'm not there she may miss me, us?

Can you please get it out of your head that this girl loves you or will love you again.
She is gone. She isn't coming back!

Cutting contact with her isn't about getting her back. I thought there was progress being made here and WC posts his thing about maybe one day she will have feeling for you again if you cut contact and then all of sudden you run with it and think that cutting contact will bring her back.
Well ill tell you something. IT Don't!!

Don't think like that! It isn't about getting her back. It is about you!

Man you guys are finished. Why can you not accept that?

You know what she is doing right now?? Lying in bed with her new man telling her how in love she is with him. How she has never been happier and she loves every moment she spends with him.

She's not thinking of you the same way you are obsessing / thinking of her. So be a man, be strong and stop letting her control your life!

valinors_sorrow · Feb 4, 2007, 07:02 PM

How do you spell u-s-e and a-b-u-s-e me?

Hang onto your ex in any capacity you can...
Listen to all the gory details of her current tryst, hoping she won't notice you flinching...
Hope beyond all hope because gee, its just so romantic.

Does it work to get her back?

Let's see, everyone who has experienced that working in their life, please raise your hand (or post here).
And be sure to include if it worked out long term too... when you got an ex back, okay?

Copperhead6 · Feb 4, 2007, 07:46 PM

Dude, okay you guys have stayed friends for awhile, during this time has she seen you with other women or heard you talking about other women? If she has, and she didn't bat an eye then you can take it to the bank that she only likes you as a friend. If she comes off as a little jealous then you might be accurate in thinking she still has feelings for you. I bet you don't ever discuss other women with her though? If you guys are going to stay friends, it might be time to start. There's no better way to get back in a woman's head than by showing them the hottie that is so lucky to be with you!

Skell · Feb 4, 2007, 08:04 PM

Originally Posted by Copperhead6

Dude, okay you guys have stayed friends for awhile, during this time has she seen you with other women or heard you talking about other women? If she has, and she didnt bat an eye then you can take it to the bank that she only likes you as a friend. If she comes off as a little jealous then you might be accurate in thinking she still has feelings for you. I bet you don't ever discuss other women with her though? If you guys are going to stay friends, it might be time to start. There's no better way to get back in a woman's head than by showing them the hottie that is so lucky to be with you!

This is a very unhealthy and immature way to go about things and I wouldn't advocate this at all!

valinors_sorrow · Feb 4, 2007, 10:27 PM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

EXTREMELY, extremely hard to get out the friend zone - once a woman places you in the friedn zone - you're pretty much done. She's moved on - never to return - that' s just women.

Okay one minute you are claiming she is gone for good here...

Originally Posted by Wildcat

Wh tmight happen is IF you stop contact - she may one day have feelinsg again.

And the next minute you are suggesting she might discover her feelings and then what... return to him??

I see women are not the only ones who have trouble making up their minds! :rolleyes:

SouthernBelle06 · Feb 4, 2007, 10:44 PM

Do you really enjoy torturing yourself like this? I would never do it. My ex tried this "friends" thing with me and I was "nice" and let it go on for a bit, then I nipped it in the bud for myself when I realized how hard it was for ME. Yes, I still miss him, but I know I can't be just friends with him and I won't do it. I know that he won't be back, but at least I don't have to be tortured by hearing details of him and his new girlfriend. He tried that once and that was IT. I cut all contact off at that point. I suggest you do the same. You can't control her, her thoughts, who she wants to be with, etc. All you can do is live your own life and try to be the best that you can be and live the best life that you can.

I'm not saying I am completely over my ex. I still care for him. I even have the occasional thought of wishing he would try to reconcile with me. But as far as being just his friend and letting him torture me with details of a new girlfriend? I don't think so. Besides, I refuse to give him what he wanted... to be able to dump me for another girl out of nowhere, yet still have me in his life to talk to like before. He made his decision to hurt me for someone else, to put her as more valuable than me. So, let him live with it. It wasn't meant to be for the two of us. I have to accept that.

AKaeTrue · Feb 5, 2007, 01:06 AM

sfqt33,
Your not doing yourself any favors by being this girls back-up-boy...
It's not an appealing label... and it's never really a girls intentions to ever move the back-up-boy to first in line.
I'm not proud to admit this, but I had back-up-boys in the past - like Skell said, it was because I could... and guess what else... my husband was never one of them... and I was never one of his back-up-girls...
Have you ever wondered where the saying "Good guys come in last" came from?? It's situations like this! Don't continue on with allowing yourself to be placed last in line. There's also a saying used for back-up-girls too (which I've been one myself and had to learn the hard way), but I can't recall it at the moment...
Never-the-less, take it from me, but learn from your mistake... and go find a girl that's going to put you in that #1 spot!! Trust me, she's out there!
-Kae

talaniman · Feb 5, 2007, 06:41 AM

She may or may not be intentionally keeping your hopes alive, but you are certainly putting yourself in a stuck position, and will never heal or move on and still will never have what you think you want from this woman. Work on yourself and get healthy so you can at least see the brick wall your running into. You don't know how to love yourself and as I have said you'll never be relationship material as long as your stuck in your unhealthy FANTASY.

sfqt33 · Feb 5, 2007, 08:07 AM

Thank you everyone who has answered my posts. Your posts have really helped me. I realized that I'm more important than this woman. I have decided to stop all contact with her and get to know myself. Your all right.I don't have myself because I have been so focused on getting her back. I'm done trying to think I can control her and make her change her mind. I'm worth more than that. Right now, I need to heal and the only way I can do that is by staying away from her. As much as it hurts, I know no one new will come into my life until I fully let her go. She doesn't deserve me or my love and attention. I may need support through this process though because it's going to be difficult to not respond to her e-mails and phone calls. Bottom line: She doesn't deserve me. I just think I need some "single" time to get healthy but, it's hard because I have always been in a relationship and I don't want to find someone else to get me out of the pain.