[bjohnrupp]

Hey,
I am going through the exact same thing. My ex left me two months ago and callled me yesterday crying about how sad she was in her life and how she felt hopeless. Of course, I felt horrible and comforted her but in the end she only wants me as a friend. Problem is I am not over her. Sadly, I had to tell her we couldnt talk anymore. I know it is hard and painful but No Contact is the only way to get over an ex. Believe me I realize that now even after everyone told me so. You have to be strong and let her go. If you truly want to heal no contact is the only way. In the far future when you are healed you can reconnect as a friend if you want.

Hey Dave- sorry to hear you're going through the same thing. Your ex says how sad and hopeless she is but mine sounds like she's happy dating/seeing all these different guys. But yea both are ex'es just think of us as friends and that's the problem- we want more than that and they don't realize how it hurts more to talk to them than NOT to talk to them. :(

Yes I do realize no contact is the only way to go. Now I just have to be strong enough the next time she tries contacting me. I tried thinking maybe we can be friends but the ONLY way that works is if we only think of our ex'es as friends also.:rolleyes:

I don't necessarily regret that I broke no contact the other day- we had a great talk and it made me realize how any contact is still very painful. Just hearing your really cute voice on the phone made me sad. Oh well:(

[vanheart]

Ya know bjohn,

Was thinking.
Dumpers know what they want, did it & got a weight lifted off them by doing so.
The Dumpees, are let with some of that projected weight. Only to get rid of.

My point, is to not worry if she's happy or not, only if you are happy (or will & can be)

This is about you, man.

We can check Facebook, carry pictures around in our wallets, but at some point we say "What am I doing?"

Don't worry if you won't remember what she looks like or sounds.

She's gone.

And with all things that are gone from our lives. They don't require our precious time.

[bjohnrupp]

Ya know bjohn,

Was thinking.
Dumpers know what they want, did it & got a weight lifted off them by doing so.
The Dumpees, are let with some of that projected weight. Only to get rid of.

My point, is to not worry if shes happy or not, only if you are happy (or will & can be)

This is about you, man.

We can check facebook, carry pictures around in our wallets, but at some point we say "What am I doing?"

Dont worry if you wont remember what she looks like or sounds.

Shes gone.

And with all things that are gone from our lives. They dont require our precious time.

Yea very true Van- I have to not think about if she's happier now with her new man or if she's glad she got rid of me. I highly doubt she put much thought into if I'm happy or not so I shouldn't care if she is. The 1st month I always looked at the Facebook and looked at her twitter and pics of us but I put an end to all that because I kept getting that dull aching pain in my chest and I said "what am I doing?". It was like I was torturing myself.:rolleyes:

[vanheart]

Don't torture yourself anymore.
Stick with NC & you'll be fine.

[bjohnrupp]

Ok so I've been doing good with the no contact and never thought I'd here from my ex fiancé again.

Then yesterday I got a text from her saying how she's on vacation with her parents (I was supposed to be there) and she's on the beach and its reminding her of when we went on the cruise and how much fun she had and how thanks to me it was one of the best weeks of her life.

I didn't know what to say so I just sent a sad face and she replied with "I know" and said how she thinks about me a lot and misses me. So I replied and told her I think about her and miss her also.

It was then texting back and forth for a while. She was being nice and not cold in her texts which is a change.

The thing is that I know I'm getting over her because it didn't hurt hearing from her. Usually I'd get all these emotions flooding in. I really don't know what she's thinking- maybe she's realizing she may have made a mistake.

So I'm thinking either A) send her an email again explaining how we can't be friends because I want more and not to contact me unless she wants to try again or B) just do no contact from here on out. Which would be better? I know its over and very small chance she'd get back with me but I wouldn't mind at all giving it one more try down the road.

I've always felt extremely comfortable with her and I'm very picky. Also her parents are amazing and I am very close to them.

[emopunk7]

Stay in NC... You can't keep giving in. This could last till you are 50 if you don't stop. If she is not knocking on your door begging to be with you then everything else means NOTHING. You know better but your heart doesn't. Don't let your heart play tricks on you!
You have to get rid of her in every way! When you are over her then you can think about getting over her. Even if the two of you get back together, thinking logically, you will always want her more and things will be unbalanced which alone will cause destruction among lots of other things. She will always be able to let go a lot easier than you will.
Better yourself in every way and you will be fine. Be happy with yourself and you will see that you don't need her. I have come to the conclusion that people become clingy and want something that doesn't want them when they are not happy with themselves. Good luck!

[bjohnrupp]

Thanks emopunk- so you're saying the no contact is better than sending the email? So do her words not mean anything? Is this just to relieve her guilt still? Her b'days in a week and Christmas is a month- I guess she's probably expecting me to send her a text but I know I shouldn't so I won't send anything.

[emopunk7]

Good prevent everything that has to do with her!

[vanheart]

Stay NC & you won't have these questions.
Don't let her reel you in while she's having fun w/o you.
Have your own fun.

Tal said to me here:
"Send the strong message of silence"

And Chuff:
"The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference"

Ignore her.

[amicon]

Every contact will have you going around in circles nursing false hope. The way to recover from your breakup is to have no contact whatsoever-ignore her-block her-dont talk to her-make the decision,for your own healing's sake,to step away from this emotional rollercoaster.

[vanheart]

Yuppers. amicon.
Does anyone say still say that? Hehehe..
Forgive me. Im bringing it back.

Hes got to make the decision.

[amicon]

:-) van-and yes make the decision and stick to it-write it in stone-it's the one thing that works in situations like this.

[vanheart]

True that. So glad I did from the get go.

Free will is what separates us as human beings.

We can think, do and act however we want.

[amicon]

True-we all have free will and using that we can make the choices that hurt us the least.

[vanheart]

Exactly.

And bjohnrupp, she wants the contact & friend zone to make sure that you validate her decision. Soften the blow in her mind, show power & eliminate her guilt. Why not, no real consequence to her anyway. She did it. She's not contacting you to say she made a mistake & you are the love of her life, please take me back, yada yada yada..

Don't wait for that.

Your thread is called "ex still contacts me"

Don't let her anymore. Show her who's in control now by silence.

[vanheart]

Sorry, one more thing, before I crash..

The reason she contacts you is for a response. Nothing else. It's a done deal.

That's the truth.

[amicon]

She's on an attentionseeking powertrip so don't buy in to it by responding and lowering yourself to her level.

[bjohnrupp]

Sorry, one more thing, before I crash..

The reason she contacts you is for a response. Nothing else. Its a done deal.

Thats the truth.

Thanks Vanheart- I was very tempted to send an email saying how "I know the only reason you contact me is to relieve your guilt and please dont ever contact me again unless you want to get back together because if you do I wont respond"... but if you're saying no contact would be better than I'll do that.

[bjohnrupp]

She's on an attentionseeking powertrip so don't buy in to it by responding and lowering yourself to her level.

Thanks Amicon- I'm stupid for giving in and responding to her text. I guess she knew how to play with my heart and knew I'd probably respond if she worded it right. Now I wish I wasn't weak and ignored it. I was doing so good for a while-6 weeks of no contact. I guess I followed my heart and not my head and thought she was being sincere- I should have known better

[amicon]

No, you re not stupid, just human. Get back on the NC track,you'll be fine-just be patient with yourself.