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mechisopa1234 · Sep 13, 2008, 06:18 PM

I say he wants to breakup for a while or at least take a break. Could you answer my question about middleschool, because no one else has yet. Hope this helps. Thank - you.

JBeaucaire · Sep 14, 2008, 06:52 AM

Just because you "can" be together in a year or so is no guarantee. Long Distance "hopefulness" is such a risk... he's already telling you he's not really up for it.

If this guy were on the phone daily pursuing you and professing his undying LD love for you, I could encourage you the way you want. He's not. So I can't.

I say cut the "titles" between the two of you and keep your pen pal status. Your present should be lived in the present. Every day you blow off real-world dating opportunities (or fail to pursue your own) means you may completely miss the REAL shots at happiness on your own back porch.

All of that for the "hope" of some future, years from now "maybe" with this guy. I can't counsel that as a good plan.

talaniman · Sep 14, 2008, 07:38 AM

I have been following your story, and its quite apparent you have some high expectations for this relationship, and some very unhealthy dependency on this relationship. Sorry, you need more than a break, you need some time, and a lot of it, to think of something else that's more realistic.

As JB has said, it might be different, if he was working more with you to solve the issues, that time, and distance brings, but he is not.

You really need to move forward for yourself, and get a much better perspective, than the one you have now. Its not realistic from what you've written.

bigdee · Sep 14, 2008, 09:45 AM

h0llister - Sorry to tell you this but I'd have to agree with the others on this post... and this is coming from someone who is an optimist and comes to this board to get a dose of reality.

Long distance relationships are hard enough already even when both sides are doing their best to keep it going. So when one side isn't as into it anymore, it makes it near impossible. It would be best to break up and move on...

h0llister · Oct 3, 2008, 10:23 AM

My boyfriend broke up with me last night. We were together for 2years.. I'm so upset he said he loves me so much but he's bored with this relationship now and he wants to focus more on university now. And its hard because I know he loves me ,he tells me. . but we are 2000 miles away and I'm sooo hurt, I couldn't even go to work today. I'm trying to get ahold of some of my friends because I don't work this weekend but everyone is busy and I'm going insane I love him and miss him and everything reminds me of him:(

I have been smoking so much (cig's) and I don't no I can't sleep I fall asleep for like an hour or 2 then wake up for a bit. I know the breakup is for the best if he's bored, I understand... but we had soooo many plans for our future and a good past. I don't no how to get over it all of a sudden. And I'm worried he's going to call in a few weeks and want to get back together but its not fair to me but I do understand he may regret this..

Also I have started NC last night, I want to call sooo bad.. also the cellphone I use to contact him is on his family plan and he said he's going to get his dad to cut it off this week.. so it would only be email I guess we could contact.. but I don't want to, I'm very hurt by him and now I'm mad at him... my mind is everywhere I just don't no what to do.. please help..

Boristheblade · Oct 3, 2008, 10:43 AM

This is going to be hard, and it seems like you already know N.C is the only way forward-because it is. It's a good idea you trying to contact your friends because you need to keep busy and use support. Put away the things that remind you of him- in a box, or whatever way is appropriate to you. It's good you had a good past, at least you don't have to feel bitter, which is more than can be said for a lot of peole on here, you have happy memories. However, now you need to focus on you're future as he is focusing on his. Everyone is here to listen if you feel like ranting/venting. Good luck x

h0llister · Oct 3, 2008, 10:51 AM

I have put everything away, I haven't quite been able to turn off my phone yet. I may in a few days.. but I can't call him ,he has hurt me so much lately and this just made me so mad. I have done A lot for him in our relationship and I feel a bit used now, I just think he is so caught up in his schooling that when he gets a break or something he will realize how he has lost a lot of things (hes having problems at home as well because he's never there, always out) and then he's going to feel bad and want to get back with me, but its going to be to late and I just wish he would realize 'us' but he's stubborn, I'm done with this relationship, its hard to say because I love him so much as not only a boyfriend but as a person. I feel like he's died... because I can't contact him I can't do anything.. I feel he was been taken away forever.. it hurts a lot

JBeaucaire · Oct 3, 2008, 01:32 PM

Just let it out, dear. Cry. Scream. Fume. Don't analyze, don't don't investigate, just let it ebb.

This is going to take as long as it's going to take. Just put on your seat belt and set the gears to neutral. OK?

We're listening.

wikedjuggalo · Oct 3, 2008, 02:23 PM

Step in the right direction getting reminders out of you face. If need be changed your cellphone number. Do not wait around for him to change his mind or hold to false hope.

One a good note at least you won't have to worry about accidentally running in to him around town. I honestly never want to see my ex again and I work less then a mile from her home :/

plonak · Oct 3, 2008, 02:38 PM

Hon, I know your pain, it's unimaginable, I know because I have been there..

And I know there really isn't anything anyone can say that will make the pain any less.. but just try to get out of the house and try not to be alone.. even if your friends don't want to hang out, go out and just be in public, go to a movie, even if it's just you, treat yourself to shopping, get some icecream..

Right now it's about letting the shock settle in slowly, you can think about it occasionally but then move on to something else.. remember every time you stop and think about how sad you are and every time you cry about it you're one step closer to healing..

Take care of yourself.. good luck dear

h0llister · Oct 3, 2008, 03:00 PM

Thank you guys! Tonight I am meeting with my friend and sleeping at her house then tomorrow we are going to celebrate her birthday in toronto and getting a limo and going to a club.. I hope this will help me a lot! Thank you everyone.. I know if I was still with my boyfriend I wouldn't be 'allowed' to go to a club.

wikedjuggalo · Oct 3, 2008, 03:05 PM

Originally Posted by h0llister

thank you guys!! tonight i am meeting with my friend and sleeping at her house then tomorrow we are going to celebrate her birthday in toronto and getting a limo and going to a club.. i hope this will help me alot!! thank you everyone.. i know if i was still with my boyfriend i wouldnt be 'allowed' to go to a club.

See single life has it advantages =D Enjoy it knowing you don't have to worry about a significant other.

talaniman · Oct 4, 2008, 07:06 AM

Is this the last time you'll break up with him? I hope so.

h0llister · Oct 5, 2008, 05:11 PM

Update::!! My ex called me today because he found out I went to the city to a nightclub and he wanted to see how I was/ if I hooked up with guys.. just like stupid stuff, I'm not a slut he just got all paranoid and I asked if he wanted to work things out or stay broken up and he said he's not going to tell me because he doesn't want to and I should already know and I'm always pushing things and forcing him to do things(but I said it in a mature manner). And I said OK don't call me anymore to be like how are you because you know I am horrible and its not fair to call to 'see' how I am because it hurts me to talk to you right now and I said just call me when you have decided what you want and what you feel. And he said that was unintelligent of me and he is disappointed in me. :S!! I'm so confused

wikedjuggalo · Oct 5, 2008, 05:23 PM

Originally Posted by h0llister

update::!!! my ex called me today because he found out i went to the city to a nightclub and he wanted to see how i was/ if i hooked up with guys.. just like stupid stuff, im not a slut he just got all paranoid and i asked if he wanted to work things out or stay broken up and he said hes not going to tell me because he doesnt want to and i should already know and im always pushing things and forcing him to do things(but i said it in a mature manner). and i said ok dont call me anymore to be like how are you because u know i am horrible and its not fair to call to 'see' how i am because it hurts me to talk to u right now and i said just call me when u have decided what u want and what u feel. and he said that was unintelligent of me and he is dissappointed in me. :S!!!!! im so confused

Don't give him the satisfaction of know what your up to. Don't answer his questions tell him it is none of his business now. Frankly you should not be talking to him, you should be going No Contact :).

h0llister · Oct 5, 2008, 05:26 PM

I know, I actually didn't answer his call but he emailed me and was really upset and was like I guess it over blahblbah and I felt bad so I called him :S! I'm not going to call him again though

Chery · Oct 5, 2008, 05:42 PM

When you are talking about a good past, it seems most of it was good and lustful for you, but getting boring for him. He also mentioned that you like to tell him what to do and when to do it. Well guys don't like to be told what to do. They like to be talked to but not talked at - and there is a difference. But he also should not forbid you going out.

Did you initially break up with him or did he leave? I cannot understand why you object to him wanting an education. This should be a priority in life, whether you are in a relationship or not, and your partner should understand and support this goal.

A partnership that will not 'allow' either one to go out once in a while and have some fun does not sound like a trusting one. We don't own our partners and we should not deny them the things that are fun to do once in a while. It's insecure and does not show much respect for individuality either.

He thinks you try to force him to do things your way. You think that he spies on you and would forbid you to have some fun. And you claim this is love?? NOT!

Whatever got you two together in the first place is not strong enough on it's own, and neither of you worked on communicating and bonding. So why mourn over a dead horse?

Honey, you'll be better off without him, and he will be OK going on with his life too.

As JB said, rant, rave, get it out, and then start your healing process.

Take a real good look at where this might have taken you and you'll realize that a lot did not fit from the beginning. It will take time and we will be here to help you through it.

You are not alone, and I promise, that you too will survive this. You deserve better for yourself without all the stress and frustration, so seriously maintain the No Contact no matter how much it hurts now, it gets better

Keep us posted, and let it all out - we are here 24/7.

Happy Healing!

MarkwithaK · Oct 5, 2008, 05:52 PM

Originally Posted by h0llister

i said just call me when u have decided what u want and what u feel.

In my opinion that is a HUGE mistake. You are giving him an option... one that it doesn't seem like he deserves. Again, just my opinion.

MsJulia · Oct 5, 2008, 07:38 PM

I went though a similar situation with my ex. We were in a long distance relationship for 2 years. I live in LA, and he lived in Canada. We would see each other once a month, but we would talk on the phone/web cam every night for hours. We had so many plans... of me moving there eventually, getting married, buying a house together, etc.

Then all of the sudden, he realized he wasn't "ready" and wanted to go back to college and get a better job (I don't know why he felt couldn't do that with me).

Anyway, after breaking up with me... I couldn't eat, sleep, or concentrate on work for MONTHS. He would call me randomly at least once a week and tell me he loves me and misses me, yet he can't be in a relationship with me. He found out I went to Vegas with friends, and he kept calling me while I was at Vegas. He asked me to go visit him after the break up... so I went up there 2 different times (hoping that if he saw me again, he would realize he made a mistake by breaking up with me).

I tried dating other guys, but no one compared to him... and I would always think of him in the back of my mind.

It took me almost 3 years after the break up to finally get over him. I finally got sick of his BS and realized I was wasting my time. I wasn't going to be young forever. If he REALLY wanted to be with me, he wouldn't break up with me and with my head by calling me and telling me he misses me, yet he can't be with me.

I met another guy about a year ago (who I'm still with now), and that helped me get over my ex. I'm having problems with my current boyfriend though, which I posted about in another thread. :(

h0llister · Oct 6, 2008, 06:56 PM

Thank you everyone! I really want to call him to tell him to leave me alone and never talk again because I need to have time to think and move on. But I'm so hurt and mad I don't even want to pick up the phone to tell him. I don't no what to do :S!