[Homegirl 50]

That is hard to say. If you were really mean to her, she may never see the relationship as being a positive one. That is the price you pay when you mistreat people. It's really best to just leave her alone and let her have a new happy life.

[nauticalstar420]

and one more thing...just out of curiosity....will her focus shift from negative to positive in time?

If you change your ways and prove to her that you have, she may see you in a positive way in the future. Keep in mind, this does not mean that she will get back together with you, it just means that in the future her hard feelings towards you may diminish.

[Hottrodder246]

That is hard to say. If you were really man to her, she may never see the relationship as being a positive one. That is the price you pay when you mistreat people. It's really best to just leave her alone and let her have a new happy life.

What's that supposed to mean?

[Hottrodder246]

If you change your ways and prove to her that you have, she may see you in a positive way in the future. Keep in mind, this does not mean that she will get back together with you, it just means that in the future her hard feelings towards you may diminish.

That sounds good and I realize it, and that's why I'm kind of pushing it a little bit, because I don't want her feelings to go away forever. I think she is in kind of a phase where she still thinks about the negatives and as time goes by I think she will reflect on the positives and I do realize this doesn't mean we will get back together.

[nauticalstar420]

That sounds good and i realize, and thats why im kind of pushing it a little bit, because i dont want her feelings to go away for me. I think she is in kind of a phase where she still thinks about the negatives and as time goes by i think she will reflect on the positives and i do realize this doesnt mean we will get back together.

If you want her to see you in a positive way, then you need to prove that you can be positive. This does not mean calling her all the time and telling her "i've changed"... this means keeping it up with your therapy, becoming a positive person, and letting her see it for herself.

She probably is still thinking about the negatives, it sounds like there were a lot of negatives there. You must understand that this whole process does not happen overnight; it takes time. You need to give it as much time as it takes.

Keep up with your therapy, and most of all focus on yourself!!! You, and making yourself better, are the most important right now.

[Hottrodder246]

If you want her to see you in a positive way, then you need to prove that you can be positive. This does not mean calling her all the time and telling her "i've changed"...this means keeping it up with your therapy, becoming a positive person, and letting her see it for herself.

She probably is still thinking about the negatives, it sounds like there were a lot of negatives there. You must understand that this whole process does not happen overnight; it takes time. You need to give it as much time as it takes.

Keep up with your therapy, and most of all focus on yourself!!! You, and making yourself better, are the most important right now.

Yea I completely understand that, since she goes to a separate college, she probably never hears about me or knows what's going on... is she going to say to her herself one day, "wow i havent to him in a while" and call me? Im just concerned that I'm going to be waiting a long time.

[Homegirl 50]

whats that supposed to mean?

It means that if you were a real butt hole to her, she may never see her time with you as positive. It's best to just leave her alone to be happy with someone else. That is the price you pay when you mistreat someone.

[nauticalstar420]

yea i completely understand that, since she goes to a separate college, she probably never hears about me or knows whats going on.....is she going to say to her herself one day, "wow i havent to him in a while" and call me? Im just concerned that im going to be waiting a long time.

If you have to wait a long time, then so be it. Like I said, it doesn't happen overnight.

She may or may not want to call you sometime in the future just to catch up. I don't really know, I'm not in her head. Just please stop bugging her, you are not helping the situation at all. You need to let this rest.

[Hottrodder246]

OK fine... thanks for your help.

[Hottrodder246]

If you have to wait a long time, then so be it. Like I said, it doesnt happen overnight.

She may or may not want to call you sometime in the future just to catch up. I dont really know, i'm not in her head. Just please stop bugging her, you are not helping the situation at all. You need to let this rest.

I almost forgot, the main reason I can't get over her is because I would lean on her for everything, she kept me going and when she left I collapsed. Is it right to date a new girl for the soul purpose of getting over her or should I really take this time to learn how to stand on my own two feet and go through the low self esteem and depression?

[Homegirl 50]

It is wrong on so many levels to date someone just to get over someone els. It is using that person. You need to use this time to mature and deal with your problems. You don't need to be in a relationship with anybody right now.

[Hottrodder246]

It is wrong on so many levels to date someone just to get over someone els. It is using that person. You need to use this time to mature and deal with your problems. You don't need to be in a relationship with anybody right now.

That's what I figured, good idea, I think that is what my ex is doing... her new boyfriend is really helping her forget about me

[GlindaofOz]

i almost forgot, the main reason i can't get over her is because i would lean on her for everything, she kept me going and when she left i collapsed. is it right to date a new girl for the soul purpose of getting over her or should i really take this time to learn how to stand on my own two feet and go through the low self esteem and depression?

Well now is the time to learn to lean on yourself. When you make someone your everything and depend upon them for everything it is natural to collapse when that person leaves you. Its as if you have completely forgotten how to do anything for yourself because you are used to that other person.

Honestly that just tells me even more that the two of you should not be together and that you shouldn't be jumping into another relationship. That is severe co-dependent behavior. You need to learn how to be a secure, independent person in a relationship.

[Hottrodder246]

Well now is the time to learn to lean on yourself. When you make someone your everything and depend upon them for everything it is natural to collapse when that person leaves you. Its as if you have completely forgotten how to do anything for yourself because you are used to that other person.

Honestly that just tells me even more that the two of you should not be together and that you shouldn't be jumping into another relationship. that is severe co-dependent behavior. You need to learn how to be a secure, independent person in a relationship.

That's amazing, my dad told me the same thing... I felt good about myself because I was with her. Nobody could hurt, except where I left myself the most vunerable, which was the part of my heart reserved for her and it was a huge chunk. Sounds like a good plan and I think I need to let it go and have time for myself for at least a couple months.

[Hottrodder246]

Just for my own personal knowledge... is it bad to remind an ex about past memories when talking to him/her? Will this annoye them?

[AKaeTrue]

If it's good memories, I don't see a problem with it.
If it's bad memories or something that should be left in the past, then I'd say it's not worth bringing up again.

[Hottrodder246]

Well now is the time to learn to lean on yourself. When you make someone your everything and depend upon them for everything it is natural to collapse when that person leaves you. Its as if you have completely forgotten how to do anything for yourself because you are used to that other person.

Honestly that just tells me even more that the two of you should not be together and that you shouldn't be jumping into another relationship. that is severe co-dependent behavior. You need to learn how to be a secure, independent person in a relationship.

Just for my own personal knowledge... is it bad to remind an ex about past memories when talking to him/her? Will this annoye them?

[shygrneyzs]

Past memories about what and who?

[Hottrodder246]

Past memories about what and who?

Go to my question called how to approach it.

[nauticalstar420]

Just for my own personal knowledge....is it bad to remind an ex about past memories when talking to him/her? Will this annoye them?

It would be bad right at this moment. If you two became friends in the future, I don't see the harm in it, but not now.