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MissingHim2Much · Aug 14, 2007, 02:24 PM

I've gotten a lot of good advice on this forum. I thought long and hard about everything that everyone has said. I have taken it very seriously. I know in my head that he's not ever coming back. I know in my head that I need to move on. I also know in my head that its my only means of surviving this. My only obsticle is that in my heart I don't believe it. Any of it. In my heart I believe he still loves me. In my heart I believe he's come back home to me. So how do you convince your heart what your head already knows?

Jiser · Aug 14, 2007, 03:02 PM

Moving away from hearts. You heart just pumps blood. In time you will move on. Just stay busy and trying out new things and improving yourself.

PippaSW · Aug 14, 2007, 03:07 PM

There is no quick fix.
Like Jiser said try new things. Do something that you have never done before. That way there are no past memories attached to it. And over time, things will just work out in your head/heart. Be strong you'll get though it!

Ash123 · Aug 14, 2007, 03:35 PM

If you believe it's over. Your heart will heal from that day forward.

As long as you acknowledge the worst, you'll heal for the best.

That's the secret to recovery.

MissingHim2Much · Aug 14, 2007, 03:45 PM

I swear all of you need some kind of award... If I hadn't found this website I wouldn't have survived. Not every day is this positive. But I'm thankful to have this positive day. Who knows maybe I'll have another one tomorrow.

GlindaofOz · Aug 14, 2007, 05:30 PM

You really seem like such a lovely person and you and your ex were together for a long time of course you are going to have a broken heart. You have gotten over your first hurdle of accepting what is going on that's the first step towards healing.

Focus on your life and surround yourself with people who love you and care for you. Throw yourself back into your life and just try to have some fun. Some days will be better then others but as the days tick by you will find more and more strength and will be mending your heart more and more. Of course on the bad days you pop on here and say HELP. We are always here.

MissingHim2Much · Aug 29, 2007, 04:25 PM

Hi guys,

I haven't been here in a while. I've been trying to get on with my life and hang with family and friends. Its been 5 weeks now since my boyfriend walked out on me and I can't seem to make much progress. I still live in the house we shared and everything reminds me of him. I spend a lot of time at my sons house so I'm not alone in our home. The pain is just to bad for me at home. I've had lots of people on this site tell me and other threads I've read that he didn't just decide to leave suddenly that he was thinking about it for some time. I don't think he was though. He was happy, he told me that all the time. He wanted to buy a house together and adopt a child with me because we were having trouble getting pregnant. He came home from work daily and hugged me and told me he misses me so much when he's at work that he can't waif to get home. Does any of this sound like an unhappy person? I read on another thread that the blissfully happy one usually misses the signs that the other is unhappy but he seemed more blissfully happy than I did. Don't get me wrong I was very happy and I told him so all the time. He just showed his feelings more than I did. The only thing I can figure is he was tempted by someone else to the point that he had to see if he was missing anything. I know he was young when we got together so I know he missed out on the things he should've been doing during those years. He spent his adolesence with me when he should've been running wild. Now I think the temptation of someone different influenced his decision. I just don't know how to make my love and my pain go away. I've been doing all the keeping busy stuff that's supposed to help but nothings working. How do I get him out of my heart?

stilllearning · Aug 29, 2007, 05:55 PM

I wish I could help, I'm going through the same thing though. 12 years and we have been split up for a month. Some days I feel OK but today was very bad, I did some cleaning and found some things that really got me going.

I think in my case my GF didn't trust me, so she left before I had the chance to. It does hurt bad. I was getting ready for marriage, kids, getting close to buying a house. And now I've got nothing. This is the hardest thing I've gone through so believe me I know how you feel.

But I wouldn't say that he is running wild because he didn't get a chance to while with you. I never got into running around, it wasn't my style. It could be something else.

GlindaofOz · Aug 29, 2007, 06:03 PM

Its going to take time. 5 weeks seems like a long time but in your healing time its not much.

Maybe shake up your house. Move the furniture around, change everything around, get rid of whatever reminds you of him the most. If necessary move (kidding!). Just change your surroundings to reflect the new single you. You need to celebrate you life now instead of still feeling blue. It will give you something else to take your mind off things and can help change the energy in your house.

tony0508 · Aug 30, 2007, 01:56 AM

I have been asking myself this question for the last 2 weeks! I was, in what I thought was the perfect relationship with a woman that I loved dearly. We were together 3 years and from one day to the next she finished it. Up until that last day everything was perfect, love, sex, attention everything that you expect! There was no obivious sign that something was wrong. I have asked myself again and again if there was something I should have noticed. There is nothing I can think of. After meeting another man on a night out, she made arrangements to see him again! After the date she came home and finished it.
In the discussions that followed, she came up every time with a different reason why she cheated on me and wanted me out! First it was the business trips (too many) then the fact that I had to have contact to my ex-girlfriend who is the mother of my 2 year daughter! The discussions ended yesterday with her statement that she never really loved me! That has to be rubbish!
Is she trying to convince herself that she is doing the right thing by making such statements, when she knows deep down it was a mistake or is she trying to make sure I don't have any hopes of getting back with her? She has been stone cold since she finished it and is treating me like the man who had cheated her. She has become a different person overnight!
So although it seems the love has gone overnight, I don't really think it can happen so fast! Maybe these people are in love but still waiting for something better to arrive!
:confused:

mckenzie134 · Aug 30, 2007, 02:28 AM

Originally Posted by tony0508

I have been asking myself this question for the last 2 weeks! I was, in what I thought was the perfect relationship with a woman that I loved dearly. We were together 3 years and from one day to the next she finished it. Up until that last day everything was perfect, love, sex, attention everything that you expect! There was no obivious sign that something was wrong. I have asked myself again and again if there was something I should have noticed. There is nothing I can think of. After meeting another man on a night out, she made arrangements to see him again! After the date she came home and finished it.
In the discussions that followed, she came up every time with a different reason why she cheated on me and wanted me out! First it was the business trips (too many) then the fact that I had to have contact to my ex-girlfriend who is the mother of my 2 year daughter! The discussions ended yesterday with her statement that she never really loved me! That has to be rubbish!
Is she trying to convince herself that she is doing the right thing by making such statements, when she knows deep down it was a mistake or is she trying to make sure I don't have any hopes of getting back with her? She has been stone cold since she finished it and is treating me like the man who had cheated her. She has become a different person overnight!
So althought it seems the love has gone overnight, I don't really think it can happen so fast! Maybe these people are in love but still waiting for something better to arrive!
:confused:

Right Tony some people are in Love but are just also waiting for something better to come along... Most people are like that!! Funny that is. BUT SO TRUE

Jiser · Aug 30, 2007, 12:56 PM

I wouldn't worry about it. It just happens, let the past lie.

charley-ben · Aug 30, 2007, 01:05 PM

:( omg
I totally feel the same.. your boyfriend well should I say x... sounds a lot like mine :(
yh I do believe that they stop luvin u... I know my x luved me

talaniman · Aug 30, 2007, 01:14 PM

People who get dumped, rarely see it coming, and so they are in shock. Dumpee's have been thinking on it for sometime, an finally, are very well prepared and ready to change the status of the relationship

Jiser · Aug 30, 2007, 01:40 PM

5 Weeks is not along time at all. Jees I am 8 months out of a 6 month relationship and I still think about it a lot. Everyone is different though. Just keep on NC and enjoying life. IMPROVE IMPROVE and take every oppurtinity. In time life will be great :)

Zell · Aug 30, 2007, 01:41 PM

I think love really can just dissaper. After all, love is something we glorify as something specail from the heart, when really its just chemicals in the brain. At the end of a day, Love is just an over-used word to describe a greater amount of feelings for someone then normal. And the word 'love' is mostly used to gain something.

MissingHim2Much · Aug 30, 2007, 01:52 PM

Originally Posted by Jiser

5 Weeks is not along time at all. jees I am 8 months out of a 6 month relationship and I still think about it alot. Everyone is different though. Just keep on NC and enjoying life. IMPROVE IMPROVE and take every oppurtinity. In time life will be great :)

Wow Jiser if you're 8 months out of a 6 month relationship and are still thinking about it then it must take forever to get over a 7 yr relationship. I am improving though I've lost some weight and already have the guy down stairs hitting on me. Problem is he lives with someone and has a baby so I don't intend on going down that road.

Jiser · Aug 30, 2007, 01:57 PM

Yeh good plan lol! Everyone is an individual, It just happens that it was my first real relationship so it hit me big time even though everyone I know, work, family, friends told me to finish it long before she did. The problem with me not getting over it was the constant contact with her including going to a festival and clubbing + msn contact, her doing some nasty things in front of me.

I would say a lot of the time I am a very sensitive and emotional person (take things personally) and I think about things too much, espescially nasty words or critisicm. : (: ( Probably these things haven't helped me move on.

nicespringgirl · Aug 30, 2007, 01:59 PM

How about change your focus on your life, set a goal- usually a career goal, stay busy, keep your obiligation... that way, you feel less pain.:)

talaniman · Aug 30, 2007, 02:11 PM

I know its not easy going no contact, and going through complete hell. We all have been there, so we sympathize with your pain, anguish, and misery, because 7 years is a helluva long time to be in love, and now its gone. Make some new friends, and do things you enjoy, and if you don't have a to do list, make one, and get busy with it. It will get better, my word.