How can you tell?

kctiger · Nov 18, 2009, 08:15 AM

This seems like another interesting topic. I think you really need to look at this in it's entirety, without letting the "ex" factor play into your mind. If this was a guy you did this with that wasn't your ex, would your feelings still be doing in a thousand different ways?

Can you honestly do this type of stuff without setting up expectations or demands that aren't guaranteed to come true? I doubt you can. If you want a friendship with an ex, you need to ensure you can handle things that may occur, like this, without automatically assuming it means a solid future relationship.

I am not going to rule out that you two can't reconnect, have fun and enjoy, but seeing is you have a tumultuous past, one of you are going to have feelings much stronger than the other, and that is when problems occur.

Jordan Christin · Nov 18, 2009, 12:07 PM

Well we text sometimes so we talk a little, I wouldn't say we really don't talk, but we see each other sometimes, I just have no idea why he would do something like that to me, I thought all we were was just friends,and Kctiger I have no idea what point your trying to prove

kctiger · Nov 18, 2009, 12:41 PM

It's pretty simple JC: If you expect to be friends with your ex yet still do things like "kissing and cuddling, etc." then either you can handle it without expectations or analyzing them, or you can't. Everything is creating confusion because your feelings are probably ten times his at the moment, so it almost doesn't seem fair to you for this so called platonic "friendship" to last.

Jordan Christin · Nov 18, 2009, 01:25 PM

And what happens if this so called " platonic friendship" does last?

kctiger · Nov 18, 2009, 01:27 PM

Originally Posted by Jordan Christin

And what happens if this so called " platonic friendship" does last?

Then that's good, right? I think it is totally possible for someone to get back with their ex, but taking it slow and enjoying little subtle moments of romance is the key. It's when we get overwhelmed with expectations that things can get complicated and someone could get hurt.

2ndTime · Nov 18, 2009, 01:44 PM

I think the young and inexperienced come to my mind.

Jordan Christin · Nov 18, 2009, 01:50 PM

Hey I just went to talk to him and I asked him about this whole thing, I asked him were it was going and he said that he doesn't know and that we are friends with benefits, so what do I do now?

kctiger · Nov 18, 2009, 01:53 PM

Originally Posted by Jordan Christin

hey i just went to talk to him and i asked him about this whole thing, i asked him were it was going and he said that he doesnt know and that we r friends with benifits, so what do i do know?

I think you are better than that. You deserve a man who doesn't think of you as a sexual object first, and friend second. If I were you, I wouldn't fall for this. Think about it... as soon as he finds another girl, you're out of the window.

2ndTime · Nov 20, 2009, 09:23 AM

If you don't want to become his toy on the side, then end this friends with benefit relationship completely. This will save yourself a future heart ache. You are still young and have plenty of other chance at love.

talaniman · Nov 20, 2009, 09:48 AM

Originally Posted by Jordan Christin

I just have no idea why he would do something like that to me, I thought all we were was just friends,and Kctiger I have no idea what point you're trying to prove

You are allowing yourself to be drawn back to him because you think things can go back to the way it was.

Originally Posted by Jordan Christin

I asked him were it was going and he said that he doesn't know and that we are friends with benefits, so what do I do now?

Are you crazy or something? Friends don't kiss and cuddle and hold each other close. That's not platonic friends at all and will never work simply because he (and you) can have other friends with benefits.

Stop acting like a couple in love, and if being friends keeps you confused, then you leave him alone until you have recovered from false hope, and unrealistic expectations.

Disappear from his life, and get your own, with REAL friends, or continue to be in limbo until he gets other friends with better benefits.

Jordan Christin · Nov 23, 2009, 03:17 PM

I know guys, thanks I had my friends help me and I have not talked to in about four or five days and he hasn't talked to me yet... I think life is going great

Jordan Christin · Jan 31, 2010, 03:01 PM

Well, I got over my ex boyfriend who had cheated on me, it was hard and now we are OK friends, we talk every now and then. But I really want a relationship with someone else, someone to love and them to love me, but when ever I am near a crush I get the butterflies. What should I do? There are quiet a few guys I like

I wish · Jan 31, 2010, 03:07 PM

Why so desperate for a new relationship? Sounds more like you're on the rebound. You feel the need to fill the void that your ex has left.

Do things for yourself. Once you're confident and comfortable with yourself, things will happen naturally.

Jordan Christin · Jan 31, 2010, 03:11 PM

Well it been about half of a year now, and I have moved on from my ex, and I'm am just ready to meet someone new and to have someone new

valkman98 · Jan 31, 2010, 03:17 PM

Sound normal to me. You got hurt, want to be back in the game ,but you also don't want a replay. You might need some more time to heal as was posted. Unless you are 100yrs old,LOL take your time.

Jordan Christin · Jan 31, 2010, 03:26 PM

What if I am already healed?

Cat1864 · Jan 31, 2010, 05:16 PM

If this would be your first dating or serious relationship since your break up, take your time. You may feel healed and ready for a new relationship, but actually starting one might trigger thoughts and memories that you thought were long gone.

As for getting back into dating, talk to the guys. Great conversation starters can be anything that is happening around you at that moment (class, the weather, how long the check out line is, etc.) If they are single, ask them out to coffee or some other place where both of you are comfortable getting to know each other better. A movie with a group of friends or a movie/game night at someone's house.

Don't be too serious about it. Let yourself have fun.

talaniman · Feb 2, 2010, 11:45 AM

Talaniman Rule- Date them all, fat, short, skinny, or tall. 18-80, blind, cripple, or crazy.

Have fun dating and enjoying variety. Why commit when you can have good clean adult fun. That's the way to heal. Having a great time and time flies.

People who look for love, seldom find it, or know it when it does come around.

Romefalls19 · Feb 2, 2010, 12:15 PM

Date around, have fun get to know people. It what your supposed to do

Devorameira · Feb 2, 2010, 12:34 PM

Most people do get butterflies when they're around someone they have a crush on. Just let the butterflies fly and go for it. Start dating again, but just date to have a good time. You don't have to look at every date as a serious relationship, so just lighten up and enjoy it. :)

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