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Dare81 · Jan 26, 2009, 10:37 PM

Originally Posted by lazzyboyy313

So I got introduced to a really cool girl and I was looking for advice on how to go about a new relationship. Too early to jump back in? Should I just try and be friends with this girl and nothing else? I know I just emotionally let go of my last relationship but it's been over for 3 months in real time. If this girl shows any interest what would be wrong with attempting a new and fresh relationship?

I think it was a couple of days you were telling us you could not live without the girl who broke up with you and now this. Have you gone nuts. Try being single for a while, its not as bad as people make it out to be.

lazzyboyy313 · Jan 26, 2009, 11:29 PM

OK, I was getting WAY to far ahead of myself with that one. I just want to go on a date, which for me doesn't happen all that often. I'll admit I want someone to take my mind off my ex.

talaniman · Jan 27, 2009, 05:35 AM

If your not dating to have fun, without high expectations, don't do it!

lazzyboyy313 · Feb 6, 2009, 04:58 PM

So I have a question about the NC process. It's been 2 weeks of full NC and basically 3, she drunk texted one night and I replied because I was also somewhat drunk. Even with all the resentment I have towards her she runs through my mind all day. I can't turn it off. I was wondering how others dealt with the NC process and how long it took them to fully let go.

kctiger · Feb 7, 2009, 06:51 AM

To fully let go... probably 4 months. It is different for everyone. You cannot compare your progression to another person's progression, as usually you will find yourself way behind. What matters is that you get through this. The entire process is about growth, and learning, and understanding. Two weeks is NOTHING, believe me. It takes a lot longer than that. Just keep plugging away. You can't just rid yourself of emotions for another person... it takes time, commitment, and most of all... PATIENCE.

Personally, four months is very quick, in my opinion, to get over a nearly 5 year relationship. I gave myself to the end of 2008 to mope over this. Once January 1st, 2009 came around, I just refused from then on out to do this to myself. This is life man. It really is. It is too short to sit around and regret things that happened, and too full of great experiences not to take chances. You will pull through, trust me. My progression was stunning. I was a crying baby when I first came on here. But, thanks to the many people whom rushed to help me, I have overcome that.

lazzyboyy313 · Feb 7, 2009, 05:55 PM

Yeah I know 2 weeks is nothing, it just really sucks some days. I've been keeping myself as busy as possible but there's those times when I'm sitting at home and then I think about the past or nights when I dream about her. A part of me feels like I'll always wonder what could have been with her because she was my first real relationship and someone I feel hard for. Either way I know what I have to do and like you said I'll keep plugging away and enjoy myself the best I can.

lazzyboyy313 · Mar 3, 2009, 01:46 PM

So for anyone that still may be reading this I have a question. How many people on this site have relapsed. By this I mean how many people had a second go with their ex. I'm not looking for this answer to give me any hope but I would like to know how it went for those that did try again with their ex and if issues that caused the original breakup caused another or if it worked out for the better. Thanks

kctiger · Mar 3, 2009, 01:54 PM

Got back together with my ex... lasted for 8 months, then broke up last August... and yes, the same issues arose.

Dare81 · Mar 3, 2009, 01:56 PM

Originally Posted by lazzyboyy313

so for anyone that still may be reading this I have a question. how many people on this site have relapsed. by this I mean how many people had a second go with their ex. I'm not looking for this answer to give me any hope but I would like to know how it went for those that did try again with their ex and if issues that caused the original breakup caused another or if it worked out for the better. Thanks

I had a so called "relapse". She broke up after 6 and a half year into the relationship, I followed her around for a whole year. Did everything I could to get her back. That had to be the worst year of my life. We started dating again, she broke up with a couple of months ago .

She basically had the same issues she had when she broke up with me the second time around.If I had just gone NC the first time around, I would not be on this website now.I also learned that she was dating other guyz while she was keeping me around as a backup.Its not a great feeling to know that you are a backup for someone yo love dearly.The relationship was not as great as my mind had made it up to be the first time we broke up.My ex was not saint as I had made her out to be.

I am sure giving it a go with your ex works for some people, but it did not work for me.

lazzyboyy313 · Mar 3, 2009, 02:11 PM

Adding to my last post question: did the reconcile happen pretty fast after the initial breakup? Had you moved on? And who came back to who?

Dare81 · Mar 3, 2009, 02:14 PM

Took a year.She broke up with me and then she came back to me kind of guess.

What the heck is the use of asking these question.Even if your ex comes back it probably won't work.Get over her, there are a lot of fish in the sea

lazzyboyy313 · Mar 3, 2009, 02:19 PM

I know I know, believe me I'm trying. It's been 6 weeks of NC now but I'm definitely nowhere near getting over her. I can't just flush everything from my head as much as I'd like to. Some of the questions are just because I'm curious. It helps me out to come back here every couple of weeks and ask new questions that are on my mind. I want to know about other peoples situations and how they worked out so I don't play the fool in my next relationship.

kctiger · Mar 3, 2009, 02:20 PM

Don't worry about playing a fool in your next relationship, but more worried about playing the fool to yourself...

Dare81 · Mar 3, 2009, 02:22 PM

Its been almost 13 to 14 weeks of nc here, and I am nowhere near getting over my ex either, but the pain and hurt you are feeling now is a lot better compared to what you will feel by talking to her.

jmw0713 · Mar 3, 2009, 02:23 PM

Your doing well lazzy! Keep up the good work. See how you feel in another 6 weeks. Go and keep asking whatever questions you need. By the time you get to the 3 month mark, you will be feeling even better about yourself than you do now.

lazzyboyy313 · Mar 3, 2009, 02:30 PM

I'd be lying if I said I don't want to talk to her but I definitely realized a long time ago she doesn't want to talk to me in the same way and if we did talk it'd be pointless. I haven't ruled out talking to her sometime in the future but like I learned on here, I can't bask in the what-ifs and maybes. If it happens I'll handle it at that time and if not than I'll be much better off.

lazzyboyy313 · Mar 5, 2009, 03:20 PM

So I got a message from my ex last night on myspace. Nothing special but it said "I know I promised you I'd leave you alone and never talk to you again but do you have my microsoft office thingy?" How do I go about this without taking too many steps back with my no contact? She's about to start her spring break, I know this because I know other people that go to her school. Advice is greatly appreciated

kctiger · Mar 5, 2009, 03:21 PM

Delete the message... you never got it!

What message??

She is just searching for ways to snake herself into your life...

Dare81 · Mar 5, 2009, 03:27 PM

If you have her stuff, tell her yes, ask for her mailing address and mail it to her.That's it. Don't ask her how she is doing etc etc Keep it short and professional.
Good Luck

lazzyboyy313 · Mar 5, 2009, 03:50 PM

I took a whole day to sit and wait to open the message because I didn't want to mess myself up. Another question is have I fallen back because I opened it and for a little time allowed myself to think she wanted to talk to me? I can't think of any reason she'd even need it. It's the most random thing she could have asked from me.