[Emland]

And what am I going to do with all these purity rings?

Goldkit.com

[starbuck8]

goldkit.com

Oh you just reminded me of something I've been meaning to do! I went to my ex's one night, to get the rest of the small things I had left, and to talk to my stepson. I went into the bathroom, and there was his ring, and all of the other gold jewellery I had given him over the yrs, just sitting out in the open.

He happened to be having a party at the time. I scooped them up and took them with me. I know it was probably wrong, but he had owed me a lot of money, and besides that, he had a house full of shady people that would have probably taken them anyway. I never heard a word from him about them, so he obviously didn't notice or didn't care anyway. I could probably have a damn good party just with the money I would get from the gold from those things! :D

[Alty]

Party? We're having a party?

Judy, I'll throw you a purity ball, purity of thought, purity because you're clean, purity because... I'll think of something. ;)

Bring the purity rings, we can pass them out at my kids school, it goes up to grade 6.

Let's see, the theme of the party, I like Starby's suggestions, "been there, done that" can we add "wrote the book"? ;)

Nice thing about our party, we're old enough to serve alcohol! :)

[SweetDee]

Judykaytee makes an interesting statement when she says that she's never been accused of stealing another woman's man. I can say the same as an adult... I think all the drama over Starbucks story is something I can relate to but ONLY when I was in high school... (no offence).

I do think that flirting w/ anyone's hubby when they are married or have a "significant other" is just bad carma.

PLUS, Imagine this case scenario: some woman who happened to be drop dead georgeous, (and say you were not so attractive.. ), came to your gatherings and began flirting around... how would that make you feel?

It's comparible to being at a gathering w/ intellectuals and not being able to understand what they were all talking about.

The FEELING of not measuring up breeds insecurity. It's not nice spirited to to actively make anyone feel like the lesser, even if it's unintentional.

You don't know what goes on in the minds of people you don't know...

When I was a teen I had enough experiences that taught me how to treat women of my peers... I struggled too, but I have respect for people. ESPECIALLY women! I AM one of them... and I want to be accepted.

Lessons are life experiences that tell a tale... you just have see it from someone else's point of view.

[Synnen]

I am a shameless flirt. It's a big part of who I am.

I flirt with EVERYONE. Young, old, single, married, male, female---doesn't matter. Flirting is FUN, and I do it without even thinking about it.

I am not going to change who *I* am because of someone else's insecurities.

Heck, I wear a size 14. I feel larger than most women a lot of the time, and it makes me feel a little insecure about my looks, but I try very hard not to dislike someone just because they are a size 7 and I am not--I think it's only fair that they should try very hard not to dislike me because I'm great at meeting people and putting them at ease and making them smile--and Little Miss Size 7 can't do it as easily.

Judging someone based on your own insecurities is WORSE than judging someone by how they look, in my opinion. At least most of the time when people judge a person on their looks, they're going by stereotypes, and some of those stereotypes are GOOD. When they're judging based on their own insecurities, the judgement will ALWAYS be bad.

[SweetDee]

It just doesn't work for me and what I believe in FOR MYSELF and those I care to be friends w/ or surround myself with.

If you're an insatible flirt perhaps it does speak volumes about your insecurities.

Size makes no difference, it's about appropriatness.

I would not appreciate a size 100 flirting w/ my husband... and it's not about my insecurities. Believe me I have no reason to feel insecure physically, mentally or emotionally. I simply don't find that respectful toward other people.

I'm a european background... I wasn't born in North America. I was raised to respect people and not to be so absorbed about what makes ME feel good ONLY.

You live in a world with other people...

Who said that I judge people by their insecurities... isn't that just a good excuse to have a "it doesn't matter" kind of attitude? I feel that I'd like to respect people and their relationships... why do I need to flirt w/ their men? How insecure is THAT?

Perhaps if we CARED more about our neighbors and strangers and treated people w/ respect there would be less anger and war...

[JudyKayTee]

It just doesn't work for me and what I believe in FOR MYSELF and those I care to be friends w/ or surround myself with.

If you're an insatible flirt perhaps it does speak volumes about your insecurities.

Size makes no difference, it's about appropriatness.

I would not appreciate a size 100 flirting w/ my husband...and it's not about my insecurities. Believe me I have no reason to feel insecure physically, mentally or emotionally. I simply don't find that respectful toward other people.

I'm a european background...I wasn't born in North America. I was raised to respect people and not to be so absorbed about what makes ME feel good ONLY.

You live in a world with other people...

Who said that I judge people by their insecurities...isn't that just a good excuse to go ahead and have a "it doesn't matter" kind of attitude? I feel that I'd like to respect people and their relationships...why do I need to flirt w/ their men? How insecure is THAT?

Perhaps if we CARED more about our neighbors and strangers and treated people w/ respect there would be less anger and war...

I think it depends on what you mean by flirting - I had an attractive husband. It didn't bother me if other women noticed. If someone had put her hands on him, he would have taken care of the situation long before I got there.

I find, as a widow, that people don't know what to say to me because I am their worse nightmare. If it happened to me, it could happen to them. That's an insecurity on their part. It has very little to do with the fact that I am suddenly "single," which I don't feel that I am. I'm sure at some point that changes but right now I still feel very married so I'm not making moves on anyone's man.

And it's not about whether people have a REASON to feel " insecure physically, mentally or emotionally." It's if they DO feel insecure...

I have drop dead gorgeous friends who are full of insecurities about their looks; I have average looking friends who are very secure within themselves. I have friends who yammer on about their looks and possessions; I have friends who are very well off and attractive who never say a word. One of my friends never refers to her husband - which she does frequently - without saying, "My husband, Brian, the Doctor ..." as if she has two husbands and wants us to know which one she's talking about!

She is obviously insecure in her relationship with him but otherwise I enjoy her company.

... this is me sort of trailing off.

[Synnen]

Didn't you read it entirely?

I flirt with EVERYONE. Male, female, androgynous, I don't care. I don't care if you're old enough to be my grampa, or young enough to be my daughter.

Telling me not to do so would be like telling YOU not to smile at a certain group of people because it might make someone else feel badly. Flirting is a HUGE portion of my personality.

I have a feeling you and I are defining "flirting" differently. To me, it's harmless banter with ANYONE, male or female, that sometimes borders on innuendo, but is ALWAYS about making the other person feel attractive. It's not about making "moves", it's not about touching, it's not about being insecure, it's not about feeding anyone else's insecurities. It's about wit and banter and fun and well, flirting. Unless someone is hurting and needs a hug, I am not a very TOUCHY person--I don't like people invading MY space, so I don't invade theirs--but I DO like someone that can walk the edge of being naughty without actually crossing it with me.

I'm very happily married to a guy who is probably the best man on earth. There's no way I'd do anything to jeopardize that relationship, but I warned him early on that I was a flirt. He gets it, and we get on very well together. He also makes me feel very confident about myself--usually the only time I feel bad about being a size 14 instead of a size 2 is when I go shopping with some of my thinner friends that can fit in anything on the rack and look good in it. Having to be VERY selective about your clothes when others don't have to tends to make most larger women feel self-conscious. But--my husband thinks I'm the sexiest woman on earth, and apparently other people think I'm sexy too, or at least think I'm witty, because I never lack for someone to flirt with.

Funny thing, though--you say you don't judge ANYONE, Sweetdee, but yet you judge flirts as people who are disrespectful of someone else's relationship. Most flirts actually have the UTMOST respect for a relationship, and when asked nicely to back off, usually do.

But--I'm not changing my outgoing personality because some people aren't sure they can hang on to their mate. That's THEIR problem, not mine. I'm not TRYING to take their mate, I don't WANT their mate. I have my own, thanks, and no one else could measure up to him.

[Alty]

Synnen, had to spread the rep, but I agree 100%.

I too am a flirt, but I only flirt with people I know, people who know that I'm not seriously trying anything. I love to flirt, but it's not to get someone else's man.

I have had a few "friends" who didn't like me flirting, so I didn't. If they are insecure about their relationship then I'm not going to feed into that insecurity.

People flirt with me all the time, strangers, people I know, men, women, you name it. I'm a confident person, and that aspect of my personality is very apparent. When I walk into a room, I am "there" and everyone knows it. I'm not gorgeous, I'm not ugly, I'm average. But, because I'm confident, people are drawn to me.

SweetDee, I think that you have a different idea of flirting then we do. I'm not talking about touching, kissing, grabbing, or any of that. It's innocent innuendo and flirtful fun, that's it.

And fyi, I am German, born, raised, and still a citizen. I live in Canada. Being of European decent has nothing to do with flirting.

[spyderglass]

My husband is obese-
He told me the first time he saw me
That he thought he could never date a girl
Like me. He thinks I'm hot but I love him
He is so funny and sweet and we have a lot in common, music, movies, art, we like the same kind of people. His friends and my friends are best friends now. We are just compatible. But I understand that a lot of people don't filter out the 'mask' that someone wears. I like to think that I'm someone who sees inner beauty, almost like shallow hal (the movie). I know the majority is like that, but there are people who don't- and those are the people who are friends worth having. He knows I am a flirt too-but he knows it's all about the fun- I get almost giddy sometimes, both of us are mature enough to realize that we can find someone attractive and flirt with people without hurting anybody. And like Synnen, it's just part of my personality. People who know me know that I'm flirtatious. They don't mind if I flirt with them or their spouses-sig. other. I flirt with my best friend and I have known her for years!

[starbuck8]

I have to say that I agree with Synnen 100% also. It's all about how you define flirting. As long as it's not mean spirited, and done with the intentions of making someone, male or female, feel good about themselves, well I don't see the problem.

If you see that it's hurting someone, then that is the time to take a step back and respect that other person. Innocent flirting makes both the giver and the receiver feel good.

It's only when it's done in spite, or in a careless way, that it can become a problem. I've been out to dinner with my (now ex) husband, and the waitress had shamelessly flirted while I was sitting right there. That is unacceptable to me. She found out in short form just how unacceptable it was... trust me she did.

With that said, it is once again, how you are defining flirting. Also, if your man (woman) doesn't have the b*lls to say something to someone who is "breaking the rules", as 'should' have been already established in your relationship, then a long conversation about your relationship is in order.

[Alty]

My hubby knows I'm a flirt, and he laughs at it all the time. Half the time I don't even realize that I'm flirting, sad. ;)

I agree Starby, and I can honestly say that my flirting is all innocent, not spiteful and not mean spirited. I flirt because it feels good, and to make someone else feel good. I also never flirt with someone who I know will take it the wrong way.

I won't flirt with someone that I know is interested in me, I don't want to lead anyone on, because I'm quite happy with my marriage.

It's all done in good taste, and if someone has a problem with it then I stop, or explain.

I find that the people who are upset by my flirting are usually the ones that are very insecure about their relationship.

Of course there is the overt, I want you, How you doing flirting, the uninnocent, spiteful flirting, and that is not okay, no matter what.

[SweetDee]

Judykaytee, I do agree w/ a lot of what you said. Sometimes the one that might be accused of flirting doesn't even know they are doing it, (whether they be male or female). Also, I was referring SPECIFICALLY about myself when I made the statement that I do not have any insecurites, "physically mentally or emotionally". I'm a very confident female, which contributes to the insecurity I could spread sometimes. It's not MY issue if someone is threatened by my confidence... but then I won't begin flirting w/ anyone's partner, daughter, husband, grandfather... (lol Synnen!! ).

Let me clear something up real quick... I don't not flirt because it would make someone feel bad... I choose not to do it as I believe it would show DISRESPECT... (that's a little different). I just believe in my heart and head that EVERYONE deserves respect. Unless you are one of those people who murder, rape, molest... etc, I treat ALL PEOPLE w/ RESPECT. It should not be so hard to understand what I mean...

(Synnen, I think we both define flirtation the same way. You sound like a very "friendly" gal and if you just removed the whole innuendo part of it and the need to make people feel attractive you'd be just as interesting and as much fun).

As I said before, I choose to treat people w/ RESPECT. It's a personal choice. I don't judge those that are flirtatious... I thought I could just talk about MY personal choice here... I didn't know that if I reveal my opinion I would then be JUDGED as a JUDGER... lol! I'm just sharing... and I just disagree... I still like you all even if we disagree.

Everyone's different. We all have to learn to see that w/out judgment. Flirting is something I choose to save for my husband, (and before him it was saved for someone I was interested in. I don't need to flirt to get attention or confirm my hottness... that's just not what it does for me PERSONALLY). I don't like to make other people see me as a flirt... I would much rather be thought of as "there goes that funny lady" or "she's so savvy" or "she's just a nice person", (as challenged as THAT may sound... ).

Flirting FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE is not my cup of tea...

Altenweg, being of a european descent DOES play a big role in how I feel about who I am... FOR ME. Can I not speak for myself? My point of view is personal.. it's not GLOBAL...

One of my best friends is a huge flirt... and we're still "best friends". She flirts w/ my husband all the time, (she creates drama everwhere she goes! It's a blast to watch actually)... I don't flirt w/ hers. It's just THAT simple! No deeper...

I may be a minority here, but I am a voice...

[SweetDee]

Oh, and YES I agree w/ when Altenweg says, "People who are upset w/ my flirting are usually the one's who are very insecure about their relationship", (I would have given you a rep. but it wouldn't let me... ).

I don't get "upset", I just don't like the drama in it when I'M involved doing it... I hope everyone gets that...

[JudyKayTee]

I may be a minority here, but I am a voice...

I think you missed my point - first, you certainly have a voice here. I hope you don't think people are ganging up on you. Everyone is coming from a different place.

I was addressessing your statement ("Believe me I have no reason to feel insecure physically, mentally or emotionally") in a general way.

I feel that: " ... it's not about whether people have a REASON to feel 'insecure physically, mentally or emotionally.' It's if they DO feel insecure ..."

I have very attractive, insecure friends; I have average looking secure friends. One of my best friends went to Mexico for plastic surgery and died on the table for absolutely no reason other than her own insecurities.

That's all -

[JudyKayTee]

Why are we all so obsessed w/ the way OTHER people look? If she's obese, can you be friends w/ her anyway and just get to know her FOR HER? If she's a stone fox can you go beyond her surface and get to know HER for her? Why is so difficult to be friends w/ people who are a little different?

Do all over weight people have to be ONLY friends w/ one another? Do all hotties have to? Can they not intermingle?

I'm suggesting that a hottie be best friends w/ a big girl, (:eek:). I am also suggesting that people imagine that beyond the surface there lives a personality that has feelings and emotions, opinions, intelligence, plus plus...

Why do we judge people by their exterior? I know it's insecurity... but why can't we all take the opportunity to get to know one another with out the fear and insecurity.

For that matter, while we're at it: Can the working class have friends who are wealthy and living in manshions, driving Bentley's? And visa verse?

I'm curious how you all might answer...

OK - last night I went out to dinner with my cousin (who is quite attractive) and we got into the flirting conversation. I said I never flirted and she fell over laughing, said - her words - my husband "never had a chance." She said she used to watch us together and found me "amusing, but in a nice way."

So apparently my "never flirted" comments were incorrect and I buzzed around my own husband!

[Alty]

Sweet Dee, you certainly have a right to your own opinion, that's what this site is all about, different people, different opinions. That's also what makes this site work. :)

I understand you position, I just don't agree. It is hard to convey exactly what I mean by writing it down, so much is lost when writing, tone of voice, facial expression etc.

So, let's agree to disagree. :)

[SweetDee]

Thank you.

I think that judykaytee makes good points, as usual...

I also agree (Altenweg) that so much gets lost in translation...

I also think I may be coming across as a little staunch.

I really am not as uptight as this thread reads...

Thank you girls for not disliking me just because I'm opinionated and mouthy, sometimes.

I never gave so much thought about flirting in my life till I began blabbering on and then reading responses, (who even KNEW that I HAD so much to say about it)... I love my flirty friends... they probably have more personality than I do!

I really do believe in "live and let live"... so I'm shutting up now.

[Alty]

I believe in the whole, "judge not lest you be judged" thingy. ;)

I'm mouthy and opinionated too (no comments everyone, I know you're dying to ;)). I think it's the German in me. ;)

Anyway, no worries, we all have a right to our opinion, and we all have the right to voice that opinion. Once again, that's what I love about AMHD, many different people, different backgrounds, different experiences and opinions. It's what makes AMHD work, and I wouldn't change a thing. :)

[JudyKayTee]

I believe in the whole, "judge not lest you be judged" thingy. ;)

I'm mouthy and opinionated too (no comments everyone, I know you're dying to ;)). I think it's the German in me. ;)

Anyway, no worries, we all have a right to our opinion, and we all have the right to voice that opinion. Once again, that's what I love about AMHD, many different people, different backgrounds, different experiences and opinions. It's what makes AMHD work, and I wouldn't change a thing. :)

Alty - I thought of you last night. Was watching the Emmies (which were boring beyond belief or at least I thought so and about 8 hours long or so it seemed) when out came Heidi Klum - German accent and all and I thought of you.

That's it. Nothing terribly exciting.