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wikedjuggalo · Sep 15, 2008, 05:10 PM

Originally Posted by BrewCrew0981

Be careful of those feelings, wiked. Your heart and mind might be playing tricks on you, wanting to replace feelings that have just been lost.

That is what I keep telling myself. I am in no position to start a relationship. Why I am playing it cool and calm. Its mostly been us talking about my situation and how she can relate, had the same thing happen to her. I keep telling myself take it easy, don't jump on any feelings yet.

wikedjuggalo · Sep 16, 2008, 06:12 AM

I ended up talking to her for a while last night catching up on the past and having a good conversation. I did not discuss any relationship or feelings but I did decide to keep those stuffed away for a while. I'm not ready for anything and I'm pretty sure she is not too. Right now I'm treating her as a good friend. Its been nice catching up and talking to someone who had the same thing happen.

wikedjuggalo · Sep 16, 2008, 09:41 AM

I am at school and I ended up seeing her car and which brought memories up. I was just glad I did not see her. At first I was kind of upset but then I let it go after eating my lunch. I like to sit in my car to each lunch and listen to my music. I am still letting go, and will continue to be a process. I'll admit my heart skipped a beat when I saw it because I normally am on the opposite side of campus at all times of her. But I am heading to English soon and I am trying to let it go.

cowboyjai · Sep 16, 2008, 02:18 PM

I've been there man, seeing the ex's car. I know exactly what you mean with the heart skipping a beat. It's just one of those things hey? We're getting stronger all the time.

An epiphany I had the other night bro - I didn't just lose a lover, but she was also my best friend. I think that second thing was harder to deal with than the first. It's why I hang with buddies so much now. They replace that second factor and it fills the gap somewhat.

Keep it up man

BrewCrew0981 · Sep 16, 2008, 02:21 PM

I hear you about the car as well. My ex just happens t work in the same office building as me (5 floors up, thank god), and my office window faces the parking lot. I can see her pull in and out sometimes in the morning, and walk into the building. It's a struggle every day not to look out the window at those specific times.

wikedjuggalo · Sep 16, 2008, 06:53 PM

Ahh in trouble here guys. Now I know I'm still hurt by what happened. But this girl has always been head over heals in love with me. Back when she was around before this relationship I did like her but I was too scared to act on those feelings. Life kept on going and she moved away and had to deal with her own relationship heart break.

I'm not pursuing a relationship at this moment. I did explain that at the moment I'm afraid of a relationship. She really is not either but has stated more then once her feelings towards me.

My heart wants something but my Brain tells me to take it easy, which I am listening to at the moment. I'm taking it easy and slow and just talking and keeping my life open to everything at this point

BrewCrew0981 · Sep 16, 2008, 07:31 PM

Listen to your brain. Your heart is nothing but a big broken piece of goo at the moment.

wikedjuggalo · Sep 16, 2008, 07:41 PM

Originally Posted by BrewCrew0981

Listen to your brain. Your heart is nothing but a big broken piece of goo at the moment.

Ahh tell me about it. Luckily I'm listening to my head. Its telling me don't jump on stuff. Talk but don't get attached or anything like that. I am leaving my life completely open still accepting all social invites and talking to a lot of people I have not when I was in a relationship. I spoke to her for a good hour and half yesterday as friends just talking about stuff and mind you I do not like sitting on the phone. I am trying to take it easy but finding I'm not sure how.

Sorry for posting just writing it all out.

BrewCrew0981 · Sep 16, 2008, 07:54 PM

Don't be sorry for posting. Post away. We are all here to listen to each other and help each other out!

wikedjuggalo · Sep 17, 2008, 04:18 PM

So today was a good day not to many thoughts. Nothing close to before that conversation. I can not explain it but, after that I do not know if I just locked the feelings away or just let it go but I feel lifted. I can not explain it.

I ended up eating lunch with a friend, she's a lesbian and had me dying laughing. She's not the brightest crayon in the box but we all can not be. I usually just eat alone but today was different and I like different now :).

I am planning on a trip next month to visit this friend I have been talking to. Not to pursue a relationship, she has been depressed lately. She is having a really hard time getting over her ex. Me and her best friend will be taking a trip up there to visit during my fall break.

All in all a good day. Mind you I do not know what I would if confronted by my ex face to face I think I could not do it.

cowboyjai · Sep 17, 2008, 05:06 PM

I feel the ezaxt same way man, that's why I made sure I fell off the radar entirely. I don't know how I would take seeing her. That's why I've made sure I don't. I feel fine now and I don't even WANT to be found anymore.

wikedjuggalo · Sep 17, 2008, 05:08 PM

Originally Posted by cowboyjai

I feel the ezaxt same way man, that's why I made sure I fell off the radar entirely. I don't know how I would take seeing her. That's why I've made sure I don't. I feel fine now and I don't even WANT to be found anymore.

Yup thank god all my classes are when she is not there and if she is I'm parked across campus. It sucks but I feel best is out of sight out of mind.

wikedjuggalo · Sep 18, 2008, 04:56 PM

Today has been a good day. Not much happened. I spoke some more to that friend and just had a good day. She put a smile on face :)

cowboyjai · Sep 18, 2008, 05:16 PM

Awesome man :) happy for you. My closest friend now (who have witnessed everything) have started to say I'm ready to really throw my lot in now and get back out there. They're right I think - the baggage is gone now. Now it's only a matter of meeting girls ;)

What about you man, you feel like your close tto that point yet?

wikedjuggalo · Sep 18, 2008, 05:23 PM

Yeah man I really do. Stuff just hit me after that conversation. I cannot for the life of me explain it. Not ready for a serious relationship but I have some interested. Again I wish I could explain it but Stuff just was realized. I look back now and of course have some feelings for her but feel if she asked me back do not think I would. Ask me a week ago and I would have jumped on it. I see now our relationship might have not been what I though it was.

I still do not want to see her. I wish her no ill will and wish the best for her and her new BF. I have no room in my heart for hate. I guess it was the fact of being told that she loved me but was not in love with me. That she was in love with this new guy. I am thanking It came out now instead of years later. I feel I am ready to move on , I'm still not completely healed but you know I feel a million times better.

wikedjuggalo · Sep 19, 2008, 03:42 AM

O man a very very horrible night last night. I had 3 dreams 2 which involved her. These are the ultimate form of set back.

First one I ended up having to help her with something and I just remember feeling like crap because she kept telling me she was not really in love with me

Second one had to deal with my farther who has leukemia and I really really do not want to go back into that.

Third one dealt with her again. We were friends and I was helping her again. She started to text me about how She will never forget me and how she did love me but not like that.

Very rough night.

busterite · Sep 19, 2008, 06:41 AM

I am sorry to hear about your rough dreams man. It sounds like you are going through a really rough patch at the moment but this is definitely going to pass. Take notice how the dreams have now changed and it is not of her coming back to you so I would definitely not say that they are a major setback. If anything it shows how much you have progressed. You are accepting the situation for what it is and although it might still hurt it is the right thing to do. I still get dreams after almost 3months but nowhere near as rough as they used to be that first month.

talaniman · Sep 19, 2008, 07:19 AM

Don't take the dreams as setbacks, they are just feeling coming out the best way they can, so don't make them more important than they are. They will pass.

wikedjuggalo · Sep 19, 2008, 05:32 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Don't take the dreams as setbacks, they are just feeling coming out the best way they can, so don't make them more important than they are. They will pass.

I am trying not to. The one with her first upset me and then the one with my father just screwed everything up. It was just rough. I mean I admitted to my friend today that if she called me and asked me back I will say no. I did not step out of her life she stepped out of mine. Life is hard sometimes I feel I have a lot on my plate at the moment and I am truly trying to make the best out of it.

I had a good day today. I went to school for about 6 hours and then work for another 6 so busy day. Tomorrow I work 8-6 PM so I will be nice and tired when I get home.

I think life has it messed up way of showing us things.

BrewCrew0981 · Sep 19, 2008, 06:01 PM

Life does have a way of showing us things. You and I will both be better people when this is all said and done. When we first broke up, I thought I was being punished for wrong things I did in the past. Not anymore. I'm taking this as a learning experience, whether I find another mate or not.