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jpm247 · May 23, 2008, 07:56 AM

Fair play if you can wish your exes all the best. There will always be a part of me that will be bitter that she dumped me, probably because of the things she said during the relationship that made me believe she really did want to be with me. Alas in the end she didn't.

So whilst I still think of her, and remember her fondly and kind of still hope in a way she may contact me, I am much better, can certainly think of a bright future with someone else for sure, as she is not worth wasting my thoughts on. The bitterness will probably always be there to be honest, so I have desire to ever see or hear from her again.

Just the way I feel, and I'm totally fine with that.

Onwards and upwards bank holiday weekend, got a roller disco on Saturday night, lol!

I cannot roller, but I sure can disco, should be a blast!

jolienoire · May 23, 2008, 08:04 AM

If someone wants you

If he/she wants you nothing can't keep them away
If they don't want you nothing can make them stay
The volume on your intuition is turned up don't ignore it
Don't make justification for their improper behavior
If they mistreated you why are you moping around as if they were the best thing in the universe? (Unless you like the abuse which I highly doubt)
Don't try to change yourself in the liking of your mate.
Don't try to make them happy if you are not happy.
If someone has mistreated you in your relationship and want to remain friends decline! Friends don't mistreat friends.
Don't stay with the hopes it will get better, you will only resent it in the long run, and dwindle in misery for letting time pass.
Avoid conflict with kids mother/father drama.
Don't share friends, your partner friends should not be your friends.
Always be true speak your mind to your mate
You can't change anyone's behavior they have to change themselves
Don't ever put your partner on a pedestal and make them more important than you are.
If they cheated with you they will cheat on you!
Don't always be responsible for arguments even when you know they are wrong
Never look for someone to complete you, each person need to be THEIR own individual. Someone complimentary not supplementary.
There is nothing wrong with dating..
Don't always be available give each other space they will come around when they miss you.
Don't commit to anyone who is not giving you all you want DO NOT lower your standards.
Don't let anyone manipulate your mental state by telling you what you want to hear instead of showing you what you need to see.
Don't neglect your hygiene and wonder why he/she don't want to get intimate with you.
Stalking, harassing, prying, assuming, plundering, into your partner's personal belongings are NOT ADVISABLE you may find what you deserve.. Curiosity killed the cat!

losingit77 · May 23, 2008, 08:17 AM

Kaneda - Trust me, don't keep an eye on him! I did last time we broke up. For 2 months I knew every phone call he made, every post on myspace. It only made my life miserable. By holding onto the past, you're missing out on the present and delaying the future. Don't look back!

With this our final breakup, I'm 2 months into the break up again and I feel 1000% better than I did last time at the same time mark. You know why? Cause I know NOTHING!! Its great. Its only been 2 months but by remaining out of his life, its been able to give me the feeling that its actually been over for a lot longer than that. Why? Because he's not part of my life. I'm not living my life as if he's still part of it (by checking up on him, etc.). He's out of my life. I have a new life. And its sooo much better. Don't waste any more of your precious time on someone who's not wasting a second of their time on you.

Gosh, I've come a long way in a couple of weeks. Today's actually 2 months exactly since we broke up and it feels like so much time has passed (in a good way). I feel stronger, more confident, and more "me" than I have in a long time. And people are definitely noticing! Rock on! Being single and free really ain't that bad! In fact, it's a heckuva lot better than being in a unhappy relationship!

kaneda · May 23, 2008, 08:41 AM

Thank you all. Actually this is the last piece of "contact" we have left .His phone number is different now,he has no regular email,doesn't use Facebook or MS. Just this IM account and who knows for how long since every once in a while he changes it. I was actually waiting for the moment he does exactly this and I would see first hand - I can not reach him anymore ever. I know that when this day comes I'll be in great pain, but it will finally be over. Its just today that I was keeping an eye on him, I deleted my old IM-user and just made this "ghost" one some time later,but rarely use it at all.
I like having to restrain myself from contacting him via IM, because it helps me build willpower, patience and discipline. It does, however, turn into a setback once I try to write something - which I am NOT intending to do. So no worries, I am logged off as we speak :)
P.S I'm having a good friend over for a nice long weekend so I wouldn't even think of contacting him. Buu-yeah!

NorthernNiceGuy · May 23, 2008, 09:58 AM

Yea losingit, totally agree on shutting them out of your life. I have blocked and deleted her IM, her Facebook, and actually went as far as deleting 6 of her friends that I had on my Facebook. She has also texted me a couple times from her new number but I always make sure not to look at the number and delete it. I couldn't call or text her if I wanted. I don't want to know anything. Ignorance is bliss if you ask me.

zooropa1985 · May 23, 2008, 10:04 AM

Just when I thought I was out!!

OK so I went out, bought a new phone just so I wouldn't be waiting on any texts coming through but I didn't think of bebo lol.

Basically a few weeks ago I sent my ex a message saying I loved her and she was the one for me.

Today she replies...

Hey I got your message, in the library using their computers because my interent still won't be up 4 sometime. I have changed my number on my other fone but still have the number which you have.
Do you still mean and e of those things you wrote in that message?
Steph
I have added you as a friend because that's what I want you to be

Now I'm back to square one again, dam women lol

zooropa1985 · May 23, 2008, 10:04 AM

Just when I thought I was out!!

OK so I went out, bought a new phone just so I wouldn't be waiting on any texts coming through but I didn't think of bebo lol.

Basically a few weeks ago I sent my ex a message saying I loved her and she was the one for me.

Today she replies...

Hey I got your message, in the library using their computers because my interent still won't be up 4 sometime. I have changed my number on my other fone but still have the number which you have.
Do you still mean and e of those things you wrote in that message?
Steph
I have added you as a friend because that's what I want you to be

Now I'm back to square one again, dam women lol

jolienoire · May 23, 2008, 10:10 AM

Just disregard the message, friends is not where you want to be right now until you are comfortable with hearing from her, and you are not at this point. I bet you had butterflies in your stomach when you seen a message from her, perhaps shaking, nervous wanting to respond so badly. Its eating you up inside.. Don't read too much into the email because it was safe, very bland, and generic.

Her statement lets be friends has you all the more confused.
Now that she "wants to be friends" how sweet, it sounds promising but the reality is that friendship this soon after a breakup is not advisable, because emotions are still involved. The 'let's be friends" is being polite.

Don't respond back, and now that she responded delete your bebo, and create a new one for the new you...

jolienoire · May 23, 2008, 10:15 AM

Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

yea losingit, totally agree on shutting them out of your life. I have blocked and deleted her IM, her facebook, and actually went as far as deleting 6 of her friends that I had on my facebook. She has also texted me a couple times from her new number but I always make sure not to look at the number and delete it. I couldn't call or text her if i wanted. I don't want to know anything. Ignorance is bliss if you ask me.

GOOD start of all those sites Facebook is the most painful it is a stalkers bible... I have heard some stories about Facebook, because it emails all the friends of everything you do on your page.

nickshehe · May 23, 2008, 04:50 PM

She just contacted me over msn again... she hadn't tried in the last 3 weeks.. nearing 50 days of NC.. I was so tempted to reply.. arghh
I need strength :/

nickshehe · May 24, 2008, 04:55 AM

Well - I didn't reply..
I got a call from a private no. shortly after - there seemed to be someone on the other side of the line but no one said anything.. Im not sure if it was her..
It's her birthday tomorrow - so, last night was a great way to kick off the drama fest that is this weekend.

P.S: She seems to have deleted a comment she left on my myspace when we were together, and I think she removed me from her friends..
Cool.

nickshehe · May 24, 2008, 07:19 AM

Got another one just now.. I don't get what she's trying to accomplish.
I feel like she's taunting me in some way.. I'm still in disbelief at the way she walked away from us :\

losingit77 · May 24, 2008, 07:53 AM

God, nicksheshe! You are unbelievably strong! You should be really proud of yourself. Really, what the heck is going on with her? Well, nothing you need to concern yourself with I guess. You don't need the drama. This girl is starting to seem really confused and really immature. Good for you for sticking up for yourself and your own best interests.

You've played your hand well. I bet she's feeling like you're the one who dumped her now instead of the other way around. Way to go!

bigbird213 · May 24, 2008, 10:18 AM

Nick,

Hang in there, you'll be able to handle it. You know what you need to do, the struggle is making sure you have the strength to do it. If she tries again, leave the phone home and go out. Go for a drive, a run, anything... Just get away. It always helps me out to just get out and go (and listen to some good music)

Good luck, you know where to come if you need a hand.

NorthernNiceGuy · May 24, 2008, 10:54 PM

Hey guys...

Just wondering if any of you have gone on any dates and how they went. I went on one tonight, it started pretty good, went to a movie, but than we went to grab some food later and I felt like it bombed. Just conversation started to get strained and I don't think either of us were enjoying it a lot by the end. And I found myself comparing how effortlessly my ex and I could talk. Just took a hit to the ol ego, one that I didn't really need right now.

jammyb · May 25, 2008, 03:36 AM

All right guys, I'm a bit of a newbie on here. My girlfriend broke up with me toward the end of march and I think she's with another guy now. I'm not 100% on that though as I don't have any definite evidence and she has said there isn't anyone, but I just get that feeling. We haven't spoken apart from when I had to go to our old house (where she still lives) to pick my stuff up. I've read through a lot of the posts here and I have to say that they have helped no end. I'm on day 25 of no contact and apart from the odd hiccup I've been doing okay. It's the mornings that are the real killer.

Anyway, to the point, the whole no contact thing is pranging me out. Though I find that it's good to forget about her, she hasn't initiated contact with me once since we broke up. It's hard to believe that after 2.5 years she's just forgotten about me and doesn't even want to speak to me. We didn't end on great terms, but we tried to make it amicable. I've seen loads of people on here saying that their ex's have tried to contact them but I've had nothing. Is anyone else in a similar situation? Personally I'd be happy to never speak to her again, but a little something to let me know she still cares would be nice. Anyone else know what I'm talking about?

nickshehe · May 25, 2008, 03:56 AM

jammyb, I get the contact here and there.. and trust me - her contacting me doesn't mean she cares. It's probably her trying to drown her guilt in some way - I don't know.. I could do without the contact though.. Everytime she makes contact I feel like I'm taking a step back even though I'm not replying.. Just hang in there man...

--
p.s : ex's birthday today.. hope she isn't expecting a happy birthday from me.

jammyb · May 25, 2008, 04:29 AM

Yeh I can see what you mean about drowning the guilt. Though I don't think my ex really has what you and me might call "emotions", not that I'm bitter or anything lol. At least it seems like that. Unfortunately its my birthday first so I won't get the pleasure of letting her know I've supposedly forgotten about her, than again it might be interesting to see if I get anything from her... hmmm.

Incidentally NorthernNiceGuy, I have had a thing going with one of my new housemates, and I'm also supposed to be dating a girl I used to work with at some point in the near future, and I've actually found that the mere fact that Im with those girls tends to be a bit depressing for some reason. I can't put my finger on why, but it makes me feel a little more lonely; maybe its because the new girls remind us of our exes or something, who knows?

jpm247 · May 25, 2008, 05:09 AM

Jammy,

I know what you mean. I'm not intending to date too much at all until I'm over my ex, as I'm still in the comparing stage, which I don't want to be, but I still do it. No pressure though, you'll find someone when your not looking for it. Which is how I've met my exes. Wasn't looking and then they turned up.

And I know you say you'd like a bit of contact to say she cares about you, but I had that, and it made me feel worse.

You don't need it, and don't contact her at all.

JM

kaneda · May 25, 2008, 05:36 AM

Okay day 8 is going good.This is my longest NC ever! A week and a hour ago I was in tears,hugging my cat as if my life depended on it.Today - just got back from work,snacking and posting here finally :)