Check out some similar questions!

bigbird213 · Jul 24, 2008, 07:59 AM

Curious, since it appears were on this topic...

Anyone ever felt the pressure to get involved with someone new quickly because they were afraid/worried that their ex would end up involved with someone before they did? Seems like it's the only thing about my breakup that still bothers me, I'm fine with everything else, just wondering what the general consensus is on that...

I've seen posts about rebounds, one night stands, etc, etc and thinking my ex might go that route bothers me - guess it would make me feel left behind??

Thanks for any opinions :)

bigbird213 · Jul 24, 2008, 08:00 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

If you cannot look beyond a persons past thats not their problem, its yours. We all GROW thru life, to be who we are, and thats a process. If you can't deal with it, then so be it, move on. But never pass judgement.

Agree - People change, and if someone can't look past their past and see the changes and improvements they have made, they don't deserve to be with that person anyway.

magrock · Jul 24, 2008, 08:06 AM

Bigbird- I have had lot of things happen to me after my break-up not to mention my ex told he me was not in love w/me anymore when we broke up ( you can see my past threads) then this new interest came into my life while I was mourning the loss of my ex.. I think things happen when you least expect it... now my mind is on the new guy & my ex is calling/texting me telling me he never fell out of love w/me that he wanted to start a life w/me & that he will always love me... its weird because I couldn't even imagine my ex being w/another girl but yet I was the one to first kiss someone else... its weird!

talaniman · Jul 24, 2008, 08:21 AM

Anyone ever felt the pressure to get involved with someone new quickly because they were afraid/worried that their ex would end up involved with someone before they did

Its like a double rejection somehow. Especially while your still trying to grasp the whole situation. It makes you feel as if you meant nothing to them, and you wasted your time. Be aware that's your perspective on their feelings and only brings out the insecurities we feel after we are shocked, and rejected. My first serious relationship, was a real beeyatch until over time, I learned to cope with my feelings, and not hide from them, or give in to them. The whole idea of coping, and healing, is about being healthy enough, to move on.

bigbird213 · Jul 24, 2008, 08:32 AM

Thanks guys,

Magrock - I'm not giving into the pressure of it, it just gets more annoying then anything after a while.

Tal - I can imagine that it would be tough to find out, but I'm not planning on finding out. I figure if I did I would be forced to come to terms with it and get over it, but taking it slow and putting that off as long as possible is my strategy. I would rather have the feelings fade on their own then find things out and be forced to deal with them.

I'm sure the insecurities are a big part of it too, for a while after it happened myself esteem hit a low and I was insecure and paranoid about a lot of things, but not after a few months, I'm fairly sure myself esteem is higher than it was during my relationship.

ISneezeFunny · Jul 24, 2008, 08:36 AM

In the end, biggie, you realize that you're a better person for it... not because you were a "bigger person" but because you took the time off to improve on yourself, realize your mistakes, grow up emotionally, while that other person hasn't.

bigbird213 · Jul 24, 2008, 08:40 AM

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

in the end, biggie, you realize that you're a better person for it...not because you were a "bigger person" but because you took the time off to improve on yourself, realize your mistakes, grow up emotionally, while that other person hasn't.

Makes sense...

For now, I'm sticking to ignorance is bliss :)

plonak · Jul 24, 2008, 09:49 AM

Yes, when that voice comes in my head saying "wonder if he's at that concert with some other girl" I just push the voice out instead of asking him or trying to figure it out.. because it's frankly non of my business! And I'd rather not know

jiltedgirl · Jul 24, 2008, 09:55 AM

Originally Posted by hjpan

Hahaha~ I wish I'd find a nice, cute girl whose clean xD

hjpan and andrew916.? I resent this statement and am extremely disappointed! I'm not even going to go into how wrong this statement is on multiple levels. I'll start with one. First of all, it's extremely misogynistic. There is really no need to dehumanize women anymore (turn on the damn TV if you want some more social conditioning), whether it means trying to turn them into the "virgin" or "goddess" stereotypes that some men are apt to do.

I mean, come on! What are you looking for, a 10 year old?? There's nothing wrong with being a virgin, but surely, you're not a virgin? If you are, fair enough. If not, don't be a hypocrite. If you can't live up to your own expectations, don't expect others of fulfilling it.

Don't get me wrong, it's fantastic that you want to practice safe sex. Have you gotten yourself checked out? Most men are carriers of STD/STIs. They just happen to be symptomless, and if your next girlfriend is going to be "clean," you don't want to accidentally infect her.

jammyb · Jul 24, 2008, 10:44 AM

To be honest, this whole virgin business is completely ridiculous.

That's all I'm going to say because frankly it doesn't warrant any more of an answer

Boristheblade · Jul 24, 2008, 10:46 AM

Originally Posted by jammyb

To be honest, this whole virgin business is completely ridiculous.

Thats all im gonna say because frankly it doesn't warrant any more of an answer

Lol. I 100% agree :D

magrock · Jul 24, 2008, 10:50 AM

Hijpan- how old are u anyway? If u don't mind me asking... u made a blunt comment about me on my thread... u seem to have a very controversial/offensive attitude

hjpan · Jul 24, 2008, 11:05 AM

Originally Posted by jiltedgirl

hjpan and andrew916. ?? I resent this statement and am extremely disappointed!! I'm not even going to go into how wrong this statement is on multiple levels. I'll start with one. First of all, it's extremely misogynistic. There is really no need to dehumanize women anymore (turn on the damn tv if you want some more social conditioning), whether it means trying to turn them into the "virgin" or "goddess" stereotypes that some men are apt to do.

I mean, come on! What are you looking for, a 10 year old??? There's nothing wrong with being a virgin, but surely, you're not a virgin? If you are, fair enough. If not, don't be a hypocrite. If you can't live up to your own expectations, don't expect others of fulfilling it.

Don't get me wrong, it's fantastic that you want to practice safe sex. Have you gotten yourself checked out? Most men are carriers of STD/STIs. They just happen to be symptomless, and if your next gf is going to be "clean," you don't want to accidentally infect her.

Lol... practice safe sex?
What if one of the guys my partner dated was infected & didn't know or didn't tell?

I'd be fuqed.. right? LOL

I'm not saying virgins won't carry the disease, but it's less likely

hjpan · Jul 24, 2008, 11:07 AM

Originally Posted by magrock

hijpan- how old are u anyway? if u dont mind me asking....u made a blunt comment about me on my thread... u seem to have a very controversial/offensive attitude

19 year old going in the Army pursuing a degree in psychology...

Possibily psychiatry.

bigbird213 · Jul 24, 2008, 11:26 AM

Originally Posted by jiltedgirl

Most men are carriers of STD/STIs.

While I agree with the rest of your statement (the sex thing was pretty un called for) I'm not sure I like this statement. I'd like to see a statistic to support this...

EDIT: Did you mean that most people who carry STDs/STIs are men? I could understand that more than the fact that most men have them...

hjpan · Jul 24, 2008, 11:27 AM

Originally Posted by bigbird213

While I agree with the rest of your statement (the sex thing was pretty un called for) I'm not sure I like this statement. I'd like to see a statistic to support this....

It's actually false.
Males are harder to be tested for STDs/STIs...

plonak · Jul 24, 2008, 12:05 PM

hjpan you hold these high standard for a girl to be a virgin right? But what about you? You're allowed to sleep with whomever you want? And it's OK?

hjpan · Jul 24, 2008, 12:06 PM

Originally Posted by plonak

hjpan you hold these high standard for a girl to be a virgin right? but what about you? you're allowed to sleep with whomever you want? and it's ok?

Actually, I've only slept with one girl... that's it...

I've only had one girlfriend for the past 19 years old my life. And I only had sex with one girl...

And I'm not the typical dumbfuq guy who'll go around, looking for hot girls and trying to get with them

ISneezeFunny · Jul 24, 2008, 12:21 PM

Oof. Someone opened up pandora's box.

I think I Sort of understand where hj's coming from. I don't think he's talking about sex, per se, but the drama that comes with it. I think he just prefers a girl who is inexperienced and isn't knowledgeable in hurting a guy.

Granted, it's a misconception, and perhaps he should have worded things better...

Andrew916 · Jul 24, 2008, 12:21 PM

Originally Posted by jiltedgirl

hjpan and andrew916. ?? I resent this statement and am extremely disappointed!! I'm not even going to go into how wrong this statement is on multiple levels. I'll start with one. First of all, it's extremely misogynistic. There is really no need to dehumanize women anymore (turn on the damn tv if you want some more social conditioning), whether it means trying to turn them into the "virgin" or "goddess" stereotypes that some men are apt to do.

I mean, come on! What are you looking for, a 10 year old??? There's nothing wrong with being a virgin, but surely, you're not a virgin? If you are, fair enough. If not, don't be a hypocrite. If you can't live up to your own expectations, don't expect others of fulfilling it.

Don't get me wrong, it's fantastic that you want to practice safe sex. Have you gotten yourself checked out? Most men are carriers of STD/STIs. They just happen to be symptomless, and if your next gf is going to be "clean," you don't want to accidentally infect her.

I am a virgin. And my girlfriend is too. I laughed at what HJpan said because where I go to school I am surrounded by lots of girls who have sex just to be having sex. If I'm going to lose it I want it to be with someone who feels that sex shouldn't be used as some means of building a reputation. It brings the relationship onto a whole new level and to take sex lightly isn't right. Unfortunately girls like that art school, outside of school, and in my neighborhood are rare. Let's face it- this generation treats sex like it's a joke.