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bigbird213 · May 22, 2008, 01:12 PM

JPM,

I didn't mean my message to convey that I wanted contact from her. In fact, I meant the opposite. I know that contact from her might or might not screw me up. I think I could probably handle it but don't want to risk it. And the reason for my post was mostly because I am afraid that she might contact me. I have to mail her something, so I was worried that it might be a reason for her to contact me.

Trust me, I meant pretty much the opposite. I Don't want contact, in fact a little scared that she'll try :)

len21 · May 22, 2008, 03:06 PM

Soo I am stupid once again, got home last night and our fuse box blew strait away the first person I want to call is my ex cause he is an electrican, so ring him just to see if he could talk me through fixing the switches I totatlly could not work it out so said I would ask the next door neighbour and my ex was like I will come and fix it I said no don't worry and hung up. He text straight away saying he would come round tonight or tomorrow I knew I would be easy enough to fix and the neighbour did it no problem, I text my ex back and said it was all good now and he was text back saying who fixed it I am meant to be your hero! So weird how willing he was to come around to fix it when he knew someone else could do it. Also stupid that I contacted him about it but that was my reaction I kind of freaked out and knew he would know what to do...

berrysweetncgurl · May 22, 2008, 04:28 PM

I wish I could do no contact :( unfortunately I have a child with mine

kaneda · May 22, 2008, 09:49 PM

It's day 6 and I'm still hanging on,but the real rough days are just ahead.Day 7/8 is when I TWICE broke NC.I hope I don't fall into that pit of despair again.

stuck719 · May 22, 2008, 09:54 PM

Originally Posted by Numb

I just had this idea after reading Mik's post.

How about if we use this thread to count the NC days, all of us? Each one would mention how long he/she's been maintaining the NC period and how he/she feels with time.
Maybe in some way this can help us all (including me)?

This is my first NC day.. Afternoon here, so far didn't even touch my phone. I don't know how I feel, but I'm not that miserable, I have a goal and thinking about it, NOT HER!

What about the rest of you?

Wow, I guess the last time I had contact with her was... 2,3 months ago. We talked for an hour. She told me she was getting married for him to have a green card. ("I'm not with him", she said)..? Anyway, she said she would call me back. It was so good to hear her voice. I didn't like the news but I took it well. She even was surprised that I was so supportive. I was so bad to her for the 4 years we were together. I broke up with her about every 3 to 4 months then would ask to get back together. Then I finally moved across the country (broke her heart) then, 3 months later found out that I was in love with her. We talked for a period of about 4 months then she stopped calling because she didn't want to lead me on. A couple months later, I flew to where she was ($900 ticket) to profess my love to her. She said, "Why don't you get a girlfriend" I was crushed. I'm still crushed. It's been a year and a half since I've moved away from her. I know it's over. Still, I think she might call... she won't . I know. She's my #1 friend on MySpace. I keep thinking I should move her down. I ended the relationship. I'm such a jerk. I know I need to move on. I'd like to contact her one more time just say that we could be friends. Not that she has to contact me like a friend would but, I guess for her to know that I want her to be happy and have a good life even if we never speak again. I have tears in my eye while writing this. I don't know if it's because I've been so bad to her or I just wish I could have her back. I'm confused but I know I need to move on. I'm going to start on that list: "Things to do after a break up" I miss her so much. I thought she was the one but I don't blame her at all for protecting herself from someone like me and respecting and loving herself enough to be strong and say, "no more". I sucked her dry. She told me that she had nothing left. I left her cause I knew I was being bad to her. I don't know why she kept coming back to me for the 4 years we were "together". I also don't know why after 5 months of no contact, I was one of the first people she told that she was getting married. Thank you in advance for reading this. I know it was a long post.

bigbird213 · May 23, 2008, 04:41 AM

Stuck,

I'm glad you worked out your issues with the relationship and recognize that it isn't something that you want to do again. You need to be careful to make sure you learn from your past relationships so that future ones can be more rewarding and fulfilling.

I don't know why she told you she was getting married, but if she is marrying people so they can get a green card, I think she has a few issues that need examining. Marriage isn't something that most people would play with like that (according to the state, she most definitely is with him.)

I don't think that she blames you for what you did, based on what you write, as she tried to talk to you afterward and had the decency to tell you that she didn't want to lead you on. Cut your losses, acknowledge that she isn't coming back, and work on becoming a happier, more whole you.

Good luck

bigbird213 · May 23, 2008, 04:46 AM

Hey all,

I came on here to write about how I was having a bad morning, but my mood has since changed. The last few nights I have had dreams about her (some being intimate and others about her wanting to come back and me not wanting her to) so I have woken up slightly upset in the mornings.

In any case, I was going to write about that and hope to get some advice to feel better then I discovered what I was doing wrong. The last few days I haven't spent much time answering questions as I have been busy with work. I spent a good 45 minutes this morning answering questions and I realized that immersing myself in other peoples questions and problems truly helps me to take the focus off my own problems and put me in a better mood.

Just some advice for those having problems - the questions on here are a great distraction and help you to gain insight on questions you didn't even know you had :)

Romefalls19 · May 23, 2008, 05:56 AM

Hey guys, my jealousy course has just reminded me that it's been 6 months and I have to write about how I feel now that it's been that amount of time. So far I have a page, probably end at about 2 pages but I can realize just by my writing from here and on the paper that I have come a long way from the wimpy guy who first posted on her about how my ex was the best thing to ever happen to me.

Keep your heads up everyone, I recommend everyone should write a little essay by the time the 6 month period hits. It's truly eye opening to see how you are, while writing it I realized that I no longer hate my ex, and while I didn't want the relationship to end, I know it took a lot of her to end it. Some may not agree with that statement but it's how I see it.

talaniman · May 23, 2008, 06:04 AM

didn't want the relationship to end, I know it took a lot of her to end it. Some may not agree with that statement but it's how I see it.

You have come far, and hope you realise your in a very good place, when you can let go of those negative feelings. Has it been 6 months?

bigbird213 · May 23, 2008, 06:07 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

I know it took a lot of her to end it. Some may not agree with that statement but it's how I see it.

I agree with that statement 100%.

During my first breakup, I spent too much time wondering why it happened and being angry with her for doing it to me.

The second time around, this realization came much quicker and you really do start to appreciate how much it takes for the other person to do what they did. In all honesty, it requires courage - sometimes courage I wonder if I would have had.

Anyone who has been in a situation of "I don't want to be the first to say we both know its over" knows what I'm saying...

Bravo Rome...

Romefalls19 · May 23, 2008, 06:13 AM

Tal, yea I know, my friend and I were discussing it this morning and we both couldn't believe its been 6 months. Thanks for saying I have come so far and yes, I do realize that I am in a very good place. While I think anger is good at first for a break up I think you eventually have to let it go.

chuff · May 23, 2008, 06:41 AM

I've had a bit of relapse I must admit. She came by yesterday for business reasons. Nothing really was said there but after she left I just couldn't shake the thought of her for most of the day and into the evening. It's funny because on Monday I was in complete control and haven't really even thought about her since then and then I get a reminder, in the form of her, nothing was really stated but I haven't forgot about her since yesterda. By the way folks, this is why you never date someone you work with... and I don't even work with her, we just work in the same building but for two different companies. It is impossible to shake them once they are gone.

losingit77 · May 23, 2008, 06:42 AM

Yeah, its weird when you come through all the pain and anger and realize the breakup was something you actually wanted all along. You just couldn't be the one to do it. For the last year of our relationship, I actually thought about us breaking up every day. Knew it was the right thing to do... just couldn't see my life afterwards. Wow! My ex was right. During the whole breakup, he kept saying, "losinit, you know you're not happy. you know this is no good. you know i'm not making you happy anymore, all i do is bring you pain."

Gosh, he was right! 2 months, and I'm really starting to feel like my old self again. Sure, I miss talking to him, miss having him as a friend, but this is for the best. No more drama, no more pain, no more tears.

Been dreaming about him lately. Doesn't really bother me though. I'll have nothing but fond memories of him always. I'll always try to remember him as my sweet guy, and not the bs we put each other through at the very end.

bigbird213 · May 23, 2008, 06:46 AM

Losingit, I'm glad to see you let go of that anger you had a few weeks ago.

It helps for a time, but in the long run is destructive.

losingit77 · May 23, 2008, 06:52 AM

Yeah, I'm not going to lie. Sometimes I got to bring the anger back up if I start to get too nostalgic. But honestly, I do wish him the best in the future and I do still care about him immensely. However, I definitely don't want to know anything about his life right now. Not ready for any "friendly" conversations. And no matter how good I've been feeling lately, I know I won't be ready for that for a very long time.

Lesson learned. From now on, I only put 100% into a relationship with someone who is returning that. And I'm never going to put someone else's happiness before mine. I really lost myself and my own life for a while and I couldn't be happier to have it back.

kaneda · May 23, 2008, 07:27 AM

Well,Losingit77, at least you guys wish each other well. Whereas when I wished him all the best (honestly) he responded with "Yeah ,well you dont deserve a "farewell,live and prosper",so you're not getting one". Seriously, shouldn't the dumpee be so bitter?

Still on day6. I'm holding out, though I am online with an "invisible" status on to keep an eye on him... Today is well... a big day for him... so don't know,I'm hanging around for a bit but NO TALKING.

jolienoire · May 23, 2008, 07:34 AM

Still on day6. I'm holding out, though I am online with an "invisible" status on to keep an eye on him...

I don't think keeping an eye will help you. It will only keep you wondering and will not help you with your healing. Sometimes when people break up with us they say mean things. Sometimes because at that moment they may want to be left alone, and especially if we don't give them that space, they can get frustrated hence saying some hurtful things, whether they mean it. It still can hurt. Give him space as well as yourself. And don't keep an eye out on him. Especially if he is not thinking about you. Just take this time and do things you like and not wait for him to call or text or say hey I made a mistake, it may never happen.

Take it one day at a time, the first step is acceptance that it is over, and then from there you can start healing.

Good luck

Romefalls19 · May 23, 2008, 07:40 AM

kaneda, you should really delete him off your online buddy list. It's borderline stalking if you keep invisible but keep checking his away messages or profile. You're only impeding your own recovery with this because if you see "out with *enter girls name*" you're going to get upset and fly onto this site and complain, where we will only tell you to delete him off the list. Trust me, get rid of his myspace, Facebook, bebo, phone number, AIM address... Everything

chuff · May 23, 2008, 07:45 AM

Originally Posted by kaneda

Well,Losingit77, at least you guys wish each other well. Whereas when i wished him all the best (honestly) he responded with "Yeah ,well you dont deserve a "farewell,live and prosper",so you're not getting one". Seriously, shouldnt the dumpee be so bitter?

Still on day6. I'm holding out, though i am online with an "invisible" status on to keep an eye on him ... Today is well ... a big day for him... so dunno,i'm hanging around for a bit but NO TALKING.

Lose all contact of him. This is only holding you back. In fact I can say in my own case that this is exactly what is stopping me, I have to see her and interact with her. If you don't have to, why punish yourself anymore.

bigbird213 · May 23, 2008, 07:49 AM

Originally Posted by kaneda

Well,Losingit77, at least you guys wish each other well. Whereas when i wished him all the best (honestly) he responded with "Yeah ,well you dont deserve a "farewell,live and prosper",so you're not getting one". Seriously, shouldnt the dumpee be so bitter?

Still on day6. I'm holding out, though i am online with an "invisible" status on to keep an eye on him ... Today is well ... a big day for him... so dunno,i'm hanging around for a bit but NO TALKING.

In case the other 5 responses didn't sink in ill say the same thing.

Get rid of him from your buddy list. The idea behind no contact is to make sure you don't know anything about them. You found a loophole, and its going to come back to bite you in the a$$. You don't need to keep an eye on him.

The whole process is easier when you realize you know nothing about what's going on with them.