[plonak]

I've stopped packing but will be resuming shortly. My plan is just to put all these things in a box and hide it somewhere for awhile. I can't bring myself to throw them away just yet. I have to say that I am doing much better right now. I am taking things one month at a time and see where it leads me. I've done a lot of thinking and today was the first day since she broke up with me that I've felt more happy. That's a big step up for me. I hope it's not going to be too painful for you.

Thank you supernova,

I hope it will be OK for me.. I think I'm still in the denial stage right now.. it's hard to imagine my life without him.. but it has to be that way.. gah this sucks, I'm stuck in limbo waiting for the realization to hit me, and the tears and anger to come..

Well, one day at a time eh? OK well thanks

[supernoeva]

Thank you supernova,

I hope it will be ok for me.. i think im still in the denial stage right now.. it's hard to imagine my life without him.. but it has to be that way.. gah this sucks, im stuck in limbo waiting for the realization to hit me, and the tears and anger to come..

Well, one day at a time eh? ok well thanks

I feel you. I still feel like I'm somewhat in the denial phase still. I've already been through the severely depressed and angry phase and haven't recovered yet but it's getting better. I think the key to it all is to remember that life goes on and you need to do what you can to make yourself happy again. I'm taking it one month at all time because I don't know what else is coming. Could be a month from now, she'll actually call me and maybe we'll have that awkward conversation that I've been fearing but secretly anticipating. Could be that she may not call me at all. Maybe I'll realize that there is no way we are getting back together. For the past few days, I've been trying not to think about that stuff. Honestly, I still think about her all the time but I quickly try to dismiss the thought and it usually makes it better. It keeps recurring but you just have to be strong and do it. I realized that I can't control her life and what she does without me so there is no point in worrying about it. It's helped me so far... but it's only been 2 days since my epiphany. I'm really scared that the whole process of depression and anger may start all over again if we don't talk or she starts to date someone else. I told her I would not contact her until she contacted me so we'll just have to wait and see. But for now, I'm holding up okay. It also helps that I just started a new job and as a result I've been super busy. Hope this helps.

[hjpan]

I feel ya. I still feel like I'm somewhat in the denial phase still. I've already been through the severely depressed and angry phase and haven't recovered yet but it's getting better. I think the key to it all is to remember that life goes on and you need to do what you can to make yourself happy again. I'm taking it one month at all time because I don't know what else is coming. Could be a month from now, she'll actually call me and maybe we'll have that awkward conversation that I've been fearing but secretly anticipating. Could be that she may not call me at all. Maybe I'll realize that there is no way we are getting back together. For the past few days, I've been trying not to think about that stuff. Honestly, I still think about her all the time but I quickly try to dismiss the thought and it usually makes it better. It keeps recurring but you just have to be strong and do it. I realized that I can't control her life and what she does without me so there is no point in worrying about it. It's helped me so far...but it's only been 2 days since my epiphany. I'm really scared that the whole process of depression and anger may start all over again if we don't talk or she starts to date someone else. I told her I would not contact her until she contacted me so we'll just have to wait and see. But for now, I'm holding up okay. It also helps that I just started a new job and as a result I've been super busy. Hope this helps.

I feel the same pain... I want to call and say "hey there"... then maybe get back when she moves to SF... *sigh*

[supernoeva]

Guys, I feel like relapsing. I feel pretty sad today and I can’t seem to pick myself up. I guess it all started last night when I realized that she had taken our relationship status off Facebook. I knew that it would eventually happen and I tried to prepare myself for it but still…when it happens, it hits hard. I should’ve been strong enough to do it myself when we first broke up so that it would hurt less now but I didn’t want to make it appear as though I was over her. It’s my fault really. I just really want to know that she still cares about me. I know that she does but I have a hard time believing so. This sucks because I always have one day where I feel good and I feel like I’ve turned it around and then the next day I go right back to feeling like crap. I guess I’m not as strong as I’d like to be. Okay, time to shake it off.

[jammyb]

The next step is to take her off your friends list. I didn't and then a wall post came through on the news feed saying "hows things with you and [other guy]". I pretty much broke down and was out of action for a good few days after that. For your sanity's sake I'd kick her to the kurb completely. Its hard, but to tell the truth I felt good about it after I finally did it.

[bigbird213]

The next step is to take her off your friends list. I didnt and then a wall post came through on the news feed saying "hows things with you and [other guy]".

I did that same thing for that same reason...

Luckily it didn't happen to me, but I was afraid that it would. The funny part - the day after I removed her, I got an email from her saying (among other things) that she noticed that I removed her as a friend and she wasn't sure why, but "Whatever I have to do...".

Needless to say, I didn't respond, but it hurts still to think about.

[ib1512491136]

Hi everybody! My names David, Ive just been reading through this post and it is truly amazing how you are all there for each other.

Do you ever feel after a break up you keep saying the same things to your friends and family when your out that you become boring and can't have fun? This is why this is so handy.

Here's my story

Met a girl and been together 22 months. She's 19 I'm 23. She truly loves me I believe and I really love her. Recently she decided to go to university in September and I said I would support her and I knew it would be ahrd but we would get through it.

On Thursday she got back from holiday in ibiza with her friends. She was upset and said she missed me so much and didn't want to go to university and be together because she doesn't trust herself to stay. I got very upset but in the end said Ill support you through it.

She texted me a lot saying thank you for your support, ill always love you etc etc

I hassled and bothered her until she turned around yesterday and said we need total closure, we need to cope alone.

So yesterday I was in the pub she walked in with friends and I held my nerve smiled and carried on with my night. As I went home I waved and said goodbye. My friends later told me she looked very sad and out of it. I didn't text her and haven't today. I got a text today saying did you go to work. I haven't texted back. If I get to the end of today that will be my first day of NC.

I believe this girl needs to have a bit of fun and get everything out of her head. Her friends have probably put in her head that she needs to be single etc etc. She may just want to test the water.

But as for me I'm going to be strong after reading what all your guys have been doing! Im applying total NC, who knows she may come back, I may not want her? I may want her. But as for me I'm concentrating on myself and my life and career.

Ill keep you all up to date on my progress and ill try and chip in and help some of you if I can!

David

[pwtnu4]

Fyi, for any Facebook users out there, if you don't want anybody seeing changes in your relationship status, you can go to privacy and make sure it doesn't show up on the feeds when you change it... I've made that mistake and all my friends knew within the day, not exactly the way I wanted people to find out

[hjpan]

Hi everybody! My names David, Ive just been reading through this post and it is truley amazing how you are all there for each other.

Do you ever feel after a break up you keep saying the same things to your friends and family when your out that you become boring and can't have fun? This is why this is so handy.

Heres my story

Met a girl and been together 22 months. Shes 19 im 23. She truley loves me I believe and I really love her. Recently she decided to go to university in September and I said i would support her and I knew it would be ahrd but we would get throught it.

On thursday she got back from holiday in ibiza with her friends. She was upset and said she missed me so much and didnt want to go to university and be together because she doesnt trust herself to stay. I got very upset but in the end said Ill support you through it.

She texted me alot saying thank you for your support, ill always love you etc etc

I hassled and bothered her until she turned around yesterday and said we need total closure, we need to cope alone.

So yesterday i was in the pub she walked in with friends and i held my nerve smiled and carried on with my night. As i went home i waved and said goodbye. My friends later told me she looked very sad and out of it. I didnt text her and havnt today. I got a text today saying did you go to work. I havnt texted back. If i get to the end of today that will be my first day of NC.

I believe this girl needs to have a bit of fun and get everything out of her head. Her friends have probably put in her head that she needs to be single etc etc. She may just want to test the water.

But as for me im going to be strong after reading what all your guys have been doing! Im applying total NC, who knows she may come back, i may not want her? I may want her. But as for me im concentrating on myself and my life and career.

Ill keep you all upto date on my progress and ill try and chip in and help some of you if I can!

David

Sounds like a girl who wants to part of the "hey! lets hook up & get fuqed at a party!" status.

I attended a four year university... taking a year off now..
I've lived in the dorms, been invited to parties, prepared condoms for myself etc.

Yeh...

[bigbird213]

Sounds like a girl who wants to part of the "hey! lets hook up & get fuqed at a party!" status.

I attended a four year university... taking a year off now..
I've lived in the dorms, been invited to parties, prepared condoms for myself etc.

Yeh...

I'm not sure that's the truth, but then again I don't know much about the situation.

At the same time, I don't think posts like this are very helpful and can cause undue anger/pain/resentment on the part of the OP. I'm sure he already has plenty of scenarios running through his head most of which he has no basis for (it happens to all of us) - I don't think he needs more...

[hjpan]

I'm not sure thats the truth, but then again I don't know much about the situation.

At the same time, I don't think posts like this are very helpful and can cause undue anger/pain/resentment on the part of the OP. I'm sure he already has plenty of scenarios running through his head most of which he has no basis for (it happens to all of us) - I don't think he needs more....

He needs to find a girl who is able to be trustworthy...

[plonak]

Guys, I feel like relapsing. I feel pretty sad today and I can’t seem to pick myself up. I guess it all started last night when I realized that she had taken our relationship status off of facebook. I knew that it would eventually happen and I tried to prepare myself for it but still…when it happens, it hits hard. I should’ve been strong enough to do it myself when we first broke up so that it would hurt less now but I didn’t want to make it appear as though I was over her. It’s my fault really. I just really want to know that she still cares about me. I know that she does but I have a hard time believing so. This sucks because I always have one day where I feel good and I feel like I’ve turned it around and then the next day I go right back to feeling like crap. I guess I’m not as strong as I’d like to be. Okay, time to shake it off.

Supernova,

Im feeling REALLY down today as well.. I keep picturing his face and his beautiful eyes, I loved his eyes, and I keep picturing him with another girl.. and it's torture.. I hate that one day I'm fine and the next I'm not..

I have a question Supernova.. I currently am living with my family now and I like being around them when I'm heartbroken, because being by myself is horrible.. but I'm moving out soon, and I will probably live with one roommate, and I'm probably going to be alone a lot and I don't have a whole lot of friends.. what am I going to do? What is your living situation going to be like? Are you going to live alone?

[hjpan]

Supernova,

Im feeling REALLY down today as well.. I keep picturing his face and his beautiful eyes, i loved his eyes, and i keep picturing him with another girl.. and it's torture.. i hate that one day im fine and the next im not..

I have a question Supernova.. i currently am living with my family now and i like being around them when im heartbroken, because being by myself is horrible.. but im moving out soon, and i will probably live with one roommate, and im probably going to be alone a lot and i don't have a whole lot of friends.. what am i going to do?? what is your living situation going to be like? are you going to live alone?

I'd find new friends and hang out with them :O

Depends where you live...

[ib1512491136]

Thanks birdbird! Yes I do, I was so hopefull about my confidence until I received his comment. On a real downer now!

I just think she needs time.

[Andrew916]

Now this may be unusual but I think I may have somehow tricked myself into thinking I'm completely over my ex. We broke up on Sunday and I was totally blindsided. I was shocked and crushed and everything in between for 2 days after I didn't feel like I was alive, it was terrible. But I had a total 180 during work yesterday. I'm no longer crushed- just slightly disappointed that things didn't go the way I thought they would've- but other than that I'm totally fine. I've called her and we had a totally normal conversation- just like before we were together- it's strange looking back because it seems like that is not the way things usually turn out. I'm happy for her going away to college and I have no resentment, anger,frustration. I do have a few regrets about stuff I didn't do- nothing huge or crippling though. Is this kind of resolution a diamond in the rough or am I just- in some strange way- tricking myself? I feel really good- it's strange

[plonak]

While tricking yourself helps for a little bit it is really a temporary fix.. and I don't suggest you do it all the time..

You have to mentally digest that you're not still not over your ex yet or you will never truly get over her, you'll just be lying to yourself constantly, and then one day without notice, you see something that reminds you of her and you'll break down and it will be a doozy..

Suggest that you let the thoughts in once in a while, tell yourself that's it's OK to be hurting, think about them a little... and then go and do something that distracts your mind..

You know what's weird, since I've been taking anxiety medication I haven't been feeling depressed in the mornings about the break up, it's mostly in the evenings right before bed.. when the whole house goes silent.. I get so scared to be by myself..

I have several friends, but they are not close by any means.. my Ex was my social life.. which is not good I know..

How do you go about finding new friends? That's so hard for me.

[bigbird213]

thanks birdbird! Yes I do, I was so hopefull about my confidence until i recieved his comment. On a real downer now!

I just think she needs time.

I know you have tons of scenarios running in your head as it is, and you don't need any inspiration for anymore. What you need to tell yourself is this: Everything your imagining in your mind is just that - imagination. You have no basis or proof for any of it, and don't go looking for it. Just keep away from her and get busy!

[bigbird213]

How do you go about finding new friends? that's so hard for me.

It takes a lot of work. I wrapped WAY too much of my time into my ex, so when she was gone, I had a lot of trouble finding ways to keep busy and things to do to keep my mind off her. This is a lesson that I hope you learn, I know I have.

Learning to meet new people and be more open and outgoing is a tough thing to do. You have to learn that people are generally friendly, you just might need to make the first attempt to talk. It takes practice, and the more you do it the more you will realize that people enjoy being talked to. When you are the one starting conversations and making other people feel social, you will feel even better. The more you do it, the better you get at it...

One of the first things I tried was to smile and say hi to pretty much everyone. Anyone I walk past at work, people in line at the store, the person cutting my hair, anyone at all, just start a conversation. It's a skill, and all skills take practice.

[supernoeva]

Supernova,

Im feeling REALLY down today as well.. I keep picturing his face and his beautiful eyes, i loved his eyes, and i keep picturing him with another girl.. and it's torture.. i hate that one day im fine and the next im not..

I have a question Supernova.. i currently am living with my family now and i like being around them when im heartbroken, because being by myself is horrible.. but im moving out soon, and i will probably live with one roommate, and im probably going to be alone a lot and i don't have a whole lot of friends.. what am i going to do?? what is your living situation going to be like? are you going to live alone?

Plonak, thank you for your advice on the other thread. I had written about my girlfriend needing space and your answer was very insightful so thanks. I am currently living with my sister and will continue living with her at our new place. We're close but not close enough that I can talk to her about all my problems so because of that I feel more alone at home. But I do have a pretty good support system. I've gotten a lot closer with my cousin and we can tell each other everything. I've got great friends who will listen to me too so I'm very thankful for that. It took a situation like this to remind me that I should never take my friends for granted because they are always there for me.

While I hate to say it, I feel that this time apart from my girlfriend has really opened my eyes and made me reevaluate the priorities in my life. I think that I have grown a lot since our break. I hope that she is growing as well (which was the whole point of the break) but maybe she's not where I am right now. I have a feeling it may take her a long time and I just hope that maybe she'll want to get back together after that but I really don't know. I know it's not healthy to try to hold on to something that isn't there anymore but I really hope that in the pursuit of trying to find herself that it would eventually lead her back to me. I don't know... like I said I'm just going to take this one month at a time. Plonak, will you be moving far away from you family? You could always visit them and hang out with your roommate when you get the chance. You can always go out and meet new people. I know it's hard and intimidating (I'm a bit socially-awkward) but it may be good for you. Love is beautiful, but it also really sucks!

[ib1512491136]

Jiltedgirl. Im down too at the moment! Just returned home to see my ex has taken my picture down from her Facebook. It had me holding a bottle of jack danials with her comment "my two favourite men".

I just keep thinking NC is the best way and shell miss me! Its been a day now and I've got through it! I didn't text back to her!

NC will make them poo themselves! I hope.

Try and read my post