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plonak · Jul 21, 2008, 02:31 PM

Supernova,

Im going to run into the same problem too.. I'm going to be moving soon.. and I have his things everywhere in my room, even a sweatshirt of his that has his cologne on it.. how are you dealing with it?

I think I'm just going to have to get a separate box and put all the cards and teddy bears, and love notes in it and seal it up and write "do not open for a long time!" so then when I'm unpacking in my new place, I will know not to open the box, and just put it at the top of my closet and don't touch it for at least a year. Would that work for you?

Im definitely not looking forward to it.. that's for sure..

bigbird213 · Jul 21, 2008, 02:59 PM

I still have a box full of stuff from my ex from almost 4 months ago. Photo album that she made me, cards, notes, pictures from my wallett - its all in the box in the back of the closet and I'll leave it there for now. I felt no reason to throw it away/destroy it as I might want to look at it in the future, but for now, the closet is fine.

Actually, I just started wearing a watch she got me for christmas again last week. I had it put away but I can wear it now and it doesn't bother me at all... It all takes time - and a little patience.

losingit77 · Jul 21, 2008, 03:07 PM

I hear you bigbird. I started wearing this diamond necklace my ex gave to me this past christmas. Best gift he ever gave me. I refused to wear it after we broke up but then last week I saw it my jewelry box and was like, "wow, its such a nice necklace, shame for it to go to waste."

It doesn't bother me at all now. It reminds of being in love in general, of course. And just reminds me that one day I will be in love again. Just not with him... again.

I still have pictures on my computer of him and I accidentally looked at them last week when I was searching for something else. I cringed at first at my mistake but then was like, whatever. Its all good.

bigbird213 · Jul 21, 2008, 03:11 PM

I did the same with some pictures on my phone from a concert last Christmas. The two of us together happy hit me a little at first, then I just closed the phone and forgot about it after about 10 minutes. Its one of those little tests that gets to you a little bit, but reminds you that you are doing better...

hjpan · Jul 21, 2008, 07:14 PM

I deleted pretty much all the text messages from my ex that has "I love you" or "<3" or "miss you" etc.

*sigh* It's so frustrating

jiltedgirl · Jul 21, 2008, 07:22 PM

Originally Posted by hjpan

I deleted pretty much all the text messages from my ex that has "I love you" or "<3" or "miss you" etc.

*sigh* It's so frustrating

I know how it feels hjpan. I usually do the same after a hard breakup. I go through a purging spell. The intensity of said spell, however, depends on the amount of damage inflicted on my heart. So whatever. Just do what you have to do. :) Hope everything else is good.

hjpan · Jul 21, 2008, 07:29 PM

Originally Posted by jiltedgirl

I know how it feels hjpan. I usually do the same after a hard breakup. I go through a purging spell. The intensity of said spell, however, depends on the amount of damage inflicted on my heart. So whatever. Just do what you have to do. :) Hope everything else is good.

Thanks =]

*sigh* I went back to my high school to visit the place...

I found out a friend of mine, who was 14 years old, died from huffing axe/tag-spray can

pwtnu4 · Jul 21, 2008, 08:39 PM

Originally Posted by hjpan

I deleted pretty much all the text messages from my ex that has "I love you" or "<3" or "miss you" etc.

*sigh* It's so frustrating

yea same here, I had a bunch saved to look at whenever I wanted but I immediately deleted them, I didn't want to accidentally look at them again... I still got some random stuff stashed away in my room like pictures and letters and other memories, I'm going to put them in a box sometime and just put them in the back of my closet but I'm fine now not thinking about it as long as I don't see them.

you ever notice how many breakup songs there are? I'm listening to this album I've been listening to for months and almost every song is about a post-breakup and I never noticed this before

hjpan · Jul 21, 2008, 09:34 PM

Originally Posted by pwtnu4

yea same here, i had a bunch saved to look at whenever i wanted but i immediately deleted them, i didnt wanna accidentally look at em again... i still got some random stuff stashed away in my room like pictures and letters and other memories, im gonna put them in a box sometime and just put them in the back of my closet but im fine now not thinkin about it as long as i dont see them.

you ever notice how many breakup songs there are? im listening to this album ive been listening to for months and almost every song is about a post-breakup and i never noticed this b4

Same here =/

PsYcHoSiS · Jul 22, 2008, 02:41 AM

Tal, Cancelling isn't an option.. It won't be a long conversation. Just, "Hi, how are you?" I try keep it to bare minimum

Boristheblade · Jul 22, 2008, 03:02 AM

Oh but this is priceless, the message my ex sent to my friend said he's applying for a RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST ME! LOOOOOL. Is that even possible? Can you get a restraining order against someone that doesn't speak to you and doesn't go near you? I haven't seen or spoken to him for weeks. Whilst it is slightly amusing, it also angers me that, NOT ONLY does he break my heart and treat m terribly, he can't just let me move on, NO , he has to create a rep. for me as some sort of bunny boiling psycho stalker. *SIGH* I don't know WHERE I found him...

PsYcHoSiS · Jul 22, 2008, 04:15 AM

All old texts and her contact details have been deleted.. I've had.. What do they call those things? Where you have a realisation of greater truth?. Well I've had one of those, as strong as my feelings are for her I probably wouldn't want to redate her even if she was crazy about me.. She just treated me so badly.. I can handle physical pain ( am not an Emo =P) But emotional pain.. Always tends to affect me a lot more then I let on.. Alwell, I'll be better without her.. All she ever did was bring me troubles.. I hope she does realise that we can't remain friends.. Due to a few obvious reasons..

Anyway thanks for all the support, you guys are great =)

Ohh and it's been... 12 days without contact.. Hows everyone else?

bigbird213 · Jul 22, 2008, 04:38 AM

Psychosis, I think the word you were looking for is an epiphany :)

How am I doing? Its been a long time since I have heard from her. She emailed me a few months ago and I didn't respond. I get down about ignoring it now and then, but I am feeling better. Hardly have down moments anymore. The thoughts I have about her are more nostalgia now than anything...

Funny that you should mention the contact info since I still have her number in my phone. I haven't been tempted to call or text her, but I see the number in my phone often and laugh to myself about how she would react if I did. Would she be angry? Relieved? Happy? Who knows :p

I don't know how many days, somewhere about three months. The thoughts still come up, but I can move on faster from them. Just yesterday was I was thinking about some of the things we did and how she "Used to love me, but not anymore" and it hurt a little - but you learn to cope with these feelings. I think I miss the relationship more than her specifically, but her being my first love its hard to separate the two...

PsYcHoSiS · Jul 22, 2008, 04:44 AM

An Epiphany, of course.. It was on the tip of my tongue. Well I remember her number, so deleting her contact details doesn't really fulfill it's purpose.. I do think about calling her, but then I have another Epiphany and realise it will get me no where and just upset myself further.. I sit beside you on that one, I miss the relationship more then I miss her. But yeah, she is probably my first love..

Bigbird, how do you pass the time? How do you get her of your mind? Assuming that you do..

bigbird213 · Jul 22, 2008, 04:53 AM

I remember her phone number also, I haven't looked at it in months, but I'm sure it will be a long time before I forget it. Its okay, I trust myself not to send her anything...

Being this far into it, getting her out of my mind has almost become a subconscious habit... I tend to do it now without even thinking about it, just another thing that I do. I won't lie and say it was easy or quick, but it is definitely worth the hard work.

The best advice I can give you for passing the time, and getting her out of your mind, is to get busy doing anything possible. I started hanging out with some of my friends that were more off to the side for a while. People I had always talked to, but didn't really have the time to hang out with since I had a relationship. They became some of my best friends in the last few months, more so than some of the friends I had before. Having a wider range of people to hang out with gives me more opportunities to do different things. Any given day I can call someone and find something to do, perfect for getting me out of the house.

Apart from keeping busy and trying to stay out as often as possible, I tried to change everything in my life that was routine. Things as simple as my wakeup routine, when I take showers, what I eat, how I drive to work, etc, etc... When you start changing everything, I think your mind becomes a little caught up on all the changes and it helps you to lose the other changes (such as the breakup) in the background noise.

One last piece of advice - I identified something about myself that I wanted to change - I always felt I was too shy and too reserved, so I made a conscious effort to become more outgoing. When I am at work, or anywhere public, starting conversations and just saying hi to people that I don't know makes me feel pretty good inside, and has also helped to boost my mood. Just being able to talk to someone, anyone, is a nice distraction from the isolation of sitting with your own thoughts...

I hope that this post wasn't too long, and I hope it helps someone out :p

Feel free to ask me anything else I might have missed...

jammyb · Jul 22, 2008, 06:14 AM

Bummer, sometimes I wish I'd get something from my ex every once in a while but she's obviously too busy to remember me. Haven't heard anything since the breakup in March. Funny how someone can one day be head over heals in love with u than the next they don't have any feelings for you whatsoever and wants to forget about u. Oh well, guess she always was a fickle woman.

talaniman · Jul 22, 2008, 06:29 AM

What's really amazing is seeing the ex in a more realistic light, and realizing you put her on a pedestal, and kept her there, whether she deserved it or not.

Another amazing thing is the relationship is always so perfect, until they lowered the boom.

Just giving it some perspective.

bigbird213 · Jul 22, 2008, 09:17 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Whats really amazing is seeing the ex in a more realistic light, and realizing you put her on a pedestal, and kept her there, whether she deserved it or not.

Another amazing thing is the relationship is always so perfect, until they lowered the boom.

Just giving it some perspective.

Just wanted to add - when your friends finally can talk to you about it and say to you:
"Why did you ever put up with that...what were you thinking?" and you don't have a good answer... thats progress :)

hjpan · Jul 22, 2008, 11:10 AM

Yep.... sometimes I get distracted with my ex =/

it's soooooooooooo difficult cause the emotion runs through my head

supernoeva · Jul 22, 2008, 12:15 PM

Originally Posted by plonak

Supernova,

Im going to run into the same problem too.. I'm going to be moving soon.. and i have his things everywhere in my room, even a sweatshirt of his that has his cologne on it.. how are you dealing with it?

I think I'm just going to have to get a seperate box and put all the cards and teddy bears, and love notes in it and seal it up and write "do not open for a long time!" so then when I'm unpacking in my new place, I will know not to open the box, and just put it at the top of my closet and don't touch it for at least a year. would that work for you??

Im definatly not looking forward to it.. that's for sure..

I've stopped packing but will be resuming shortly. My plan is just to put all these things in a box and hide it somewhere for awhile. I can't bring myself to throw them away just yet. I have to say that I am doing much better right now. I am taking things one month at a time and see where it leads me. I've done a lot of thinking and today was the first day since she broke up with me that I've felt more happy. That's a big step up for me. I hope it's not going to be too painful for you.