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SAB123 · May 17, 2007, 10:24 AM

She is very maniplitve, and she no's when she drives past my house it will keep me thinking of her (It always worked with me in the past). I don't purposely look for her to drive buy but I have to keep up with outside of house. But when she does drive buy my emotions get the best of me.And I can't contol my emotions. I just can't wait to sell house then she WILL never control me again like she is now. I thought I had control but I guess I'm still WEAK. And my stupid A** is letting her do this to me and I don't know why. And I think I'm getting stronger because I'm thinking of my new house with out her being apart of it. But it's the great advise I get here that brings me back to reality. And you are rite if I loved someone I would NEVER let them wait as long as she did with me the 5 times. Thanks everyone!

emopunk7 · May 17, 2007, 11:10 AM

You're not stupid. You will get through this. Just stay with us here... Well not literally but use us as a checkpoint. Live your life and ignore her then tell us how you are doing and we will keep helping. But don't give in because then we will feel let down in a way. We are in this together! I'm here for you. I know you are better than this. When your heart goes crazy, drink some cold water and wash your face. Have you tried writing your feelings and writing down how you feel and how she is hurting u? Then take it and crumble it with anger and throw it away. Do you go out? Do u have any friends?

SAB123 · May 17, 2007, 11:38 AM

I been out quite a few times and when I do go out I usually talk to a lot of girls. But I guess I'm very cautious for what type of girl I want. And Since breakup first month I was to scared to go out The only place I felt safe was at home. I have come out of my shell and can go out all the time now but I've been working on my house for the past 3 months. Now that I'm finish with it I'm going to put myself on the dating seen again. I guess I am a little worried about giving my heart to someone again. But I'm to the point were it's a priority to date rite away like I was in the beginning. And I did have ALOT( I was very popular) of friends before I met my ex within the 5 yrs I lost touch with a lot of them and some of my close friends now are starting to call me now. At first they didn't call because the no she's coming back again and they think they no I'll take her back. One of my best friends still won't call back to hang out. He'll call maybe once a month because he's sick of the hole thing. I don't know, sometime I think I can't believe she did this to me again. Maybe she did me a favor buy doing this again?

emopunk7 · May 17, 2007, 11:45 AM

I think she is doing you a favor. It sounds like you also had to lose contact with your friends because of her. That is not at all healthy. I felt better at home as well. I'm starting to come out the shell as well. I'm also afraid of falling in love again. When the time is right, it will happen anyway, so we can't control that. Plus you still feel this way because you are still early on the process. You're doing great so far. Keep it up. Nobody can grasp the idea how someone can be there and then suddenly gone especially after the talks about many subjects and all. It hurts. Just hang in there. Believe me, this is the best route! You'll make it, I know you will!

HurtingALot · May 17, 2007, 11:46 AM

That's how I am starting to look at my situation... Sometimes it's hard to see... but I really think I am better off without this person's lack of respect in my world. She probably is doing you a favor... maybe you'll see it more as more time goes by? There have got to be better people out there.

emopunk7 · May 17, 2007, 11:53 AM

Hurtingalot is right. There have to be better people out there... There are like 5 billion other women in the world. Half of those must be better... lol

SAB123 · May 17, 2007, 12:10 PM

Originally Posted by emopunk7

Hurtingalot is right. There have to be better people out there...There are like 5 billion other women in the world. Half of those must be better...lol

Thanks Emo and Hurting for putting back on the rite track.

SAB123 · May 18, 2007, 06:11 AM

Tal please don't yell, but was mowing lawn yesterday too get ready to take pictures to put house up for sale today and again she went out of her way to drive buy. When I looked up I saw her and she waved (a trickeling of the fingers type wave) I hesitated but did a small wave back, close to my stomach wave back. I don't think she saw me wave back to her. At first I really didn't wan't to wave to her but I guess it was habit. Now that I have seen her I been thinking of her more intensely of all the good times we had together. I don't want her back but since yesterday I've seem to be missing her more. And if she did see me wave back to her did I just open the door for her.

emopunk7 · May 18, 2007, 06:33 AM

No, it was just a wave. You really need to get out of that neighborhood. It is not helping you at all to see her! She has all the power. You are a man... You need to be in control. This is not healthy. Please try to keep moving on.

SAB123 · May 18, 2007, 06:47 AM

Originally Posted by emopunk7

She has all the power. You are a man...You need to be in control.

I'm still missing her a lot but you are rite I'm the man and I need to be in control because if/when she comes back I will be able to say NO!

emopunk7 · May 18, 2007, 08:01 AM

Exactly. If you let her know you are hurting and waiting she will never come back. You need to show her you mean business... Heck, you need to show it to yourself! Move on. You think it's easy for me? I'm trying really hard too. If you hang out with other girls, pretty ones, and take them to your house and talk to them and have a good time, your ex will be forgotten and she will be jealous and she will know the mistake she made. She will regret it, maybe. If not then you were better off. But you won't know anything until you move on, and not care what she thinks of you. It's the only way to get yourself back! Don't let any person do this to you. You deserve the best. Don't grow up to be miserable and old. Be happy! Imagine being with someone else who gives you great sex, calls you and tells you they want to spend the night with you so bad. And that they can't wait to the next day to see you and go bowling or mini-golf. Or to decorate and paint the house together. She'll ask you if you want her to cook for you. She'll strip for you and make you happy, and then you treat this one right and don't make the same mistakes as before. And you make this one work, you give her everything she wants. The both of you will be happy. But you have to let go of this terrible situation and person before you find the perfect girl. You owe it to yourself! Live!! Live!! You're not promised tomorrow so go find your present!

SAB123 · May 24, 2007, 12:27 PM

Those who have read my threads know it's been a little over 4 months since my ex fiancé dumped me again. Why do I feel like I'm not getting any better. When I'm busy I'm fine but when I'm alone I still miss and love her so much. How long does this take. What if I never get over her. I don't know It just seems like the hurt in my heart is coming back again.

Sdjosh · May 24, 2007, 12:38 PM

Im in the same boat with you man... its been 8 months for me. I have come to terms with the fact that I will always love her.

I would hold on to the hurt and the love so tight just so I could feel like I was close to her still... like somehow that made her still a part of my life.

It will be OK in time. I too think about her when I'm alone but not as often as I used to. I have friends that will call me and tell me to stop thinking and start living. Just give it time.

Do you still talk to her?

SAB123 · May 24, 2007, 12:43 PM

Originally Posted by Sdjosh

Im in the same boat with you man....its been 8 months for me. I have come to terms with the fact that i will always love her.

I would hold on to the hurt and the love so tight just so i could feel like i was close to her still....like somehow that made her still a part of my life.

It will be ok in time. I too think about her when im alone but not as often as i used to. I have friends that will call me and tell me to stop thinking and start living. Just give it time.

Do you still talk to her?

It's been 2 months of NC so far. She broke up with me 5-6 times and she is driving past house more often, she even had the nerve to wave to me last week. But every break up she plays mind games with me and then comes back.

Sdjosh · May 24, 2007, 12:55 PM

Sure it is mind games? Maybe she just doesn't know how to let go and move on herself.
It sucks that she does that though because it makes it hard on you to move on. But keep doing what you are doing. No contact... its going to be hard but keep your friends close and call them when you get to down.

I know in my situation the reason its taking me so long is because she is still my best friend and we spend time hanging together. Haha... im sitting in the airport right now waiting for her to come pick me up. But in my case we both still love each other and want to work on it slowly... to see if we can work it out. Who knows... but I know I have to try. No regrets if I give it all I have.

SAB123 · May 24, 2007, 01:05 PM

Originally Posted by Sdjosh

Sure it is mind games? Maybe she just doesn't know how to let go and move on herself.

Since you said that I thought of all the times she broke up with me and always said she was miserable without me. A couple of months after breakup I contacted her and wanted her back she said obviosly we both are having trouble letting go. But that rite when I found this web site and everyone here making me see her for what she is. But I can't get past her golding, selfish ways. But every time she drives buy I think of her more and she no's it?

Sdjosh · May 24, 2007, 01:11 PM

You can do it brother. Be strong. If she can't get past being self absorbed and selfish then she needs to grow a little more in life. You guys have tried many times but it looks like she hasn't taken a look at the relationship and reasoned out why it feel apart. If she did so she may have gained some insight which could have prevented the multiple breakups.

You can't change her and if she can't take a look at herself to make the changes... then you are doing the right thing and moving on.

Where you from?

SAB123 · May 25, 2007, 05:14 AM

Originally Posted by Sdjosh

You can do it brother. Be strong. If she can't get past being self absorbed and selfish then she needs to grow a little more in life. You guys have tried many times but it looks like she hasnt taken a look at the relationship and reasoned out why it feel apart. If she did so she may have gained some insight which could have prevented the multiple breakups.

You can't change her and if she can't take a look at herself to make the changes....then you are doing the right thing and moving on.

Where you from?

South side of Chicago

Jiser · May 25, 2007, 05:17 AM

You will always have a special place in your heart for your loves. I myself know I have moved on from the past and the only way you can do this is by having no contact. When you are a new an improved person with a new drive for life, a better understanding of relationships and especially - NEVER GIVE 100 % of yourself! Then maybe you will meet again or find someone better yet.

fix-what-you-broke · May 25, 2007, 06:09 AM

Hey saab, seen you around the boards a few times but not got around to reading your posts yet, I will make a point of doing so later on.
In answer to this question (bear in mind I do not know your back story yet)...
I think no matter who you are, what your experiences are, you will always miss the person.its natural, and it happens to everyone.
I left my ex, we had been together over 5 years, but over time I knew that I didn't love him anymore.I was faced with staying with him as I felt sorry for hurting him, or be a woman and tell him the truth... it wasn't the best relationship ever, he was very moody,he would get upset at me for the smallest thing, as in if his dinner wasn't ready AS soon as he walked through the door, he would then completely ignore me for up to 2 weeks sometimes, all this in front of our son... so I ended it.
Its been 6 years since we split up, and almost two years since I have seen him face to face.
I will be the first to admit that I still think about him sometimes,not in a "get back together" way, and certainly not in a sexual way.. just the general wonder how he is doing,where he is in life kind of thing.
It does get easier with time, the more time that goes on the stronger you will feel.