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talaniman · Jun 11, 2011, 08:04 AM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...kup-78597.html

Here you go.

Vakantie · Jun 11, 2011, 10:20 AM

Well it wasn't like I planned to have sex with them or anything like that. Just one thing led to another. But I understand your point, just keep it at having fun, heal and the rest will come in time. I will follow up your advice because your posts has helped me so much in the past that I would find it really dumb from me not to listen haha.

Vakantie · Jun 11, 2011, 10:21 AM

Yes that's true, I have to be careful with that. I will take it slowly from now on. Just going to have fun and heal first.

amicon · Jun 11, 2011, 10:22 AM

There you go-sorted!

Vakantie · Jun 11, 2011, 10:27 AM

I don't understand were you get the holding hands and taking a nap together part from? But I understand what you are saying. Now a week of NC has gone by (it would be longer if she didn't talk to me a couple of times) and I'm not trying to get her back. If she wants to talk to me, I will only allow it if she wants me back and even then I don't know if I want to.

Vakantie · Jun 11, 2011, 10:29 AM

Yes I was referring to that link in one of my last posts. Absolutely great thread!
This evening I will go outside for a run and then I'm going to buy some new clothes (read that from the thread haha)

brent.0987 · Jun 17, 2011, 02:53 PM

How has everything been?

Vakantie · Jun 18, 2011, 02:50 AM

OK here's my update for the week!

On Tuesday I saw her at the gym. She never ever went to the gym on a Tuesday morning and now she was there. When we walked passed each other we said hi and then I started to ignore her. Until she started to talk to me. She had heard that I had slept with 2 girls and wanted to know how it felt (I don't know why, but that was her question... ). I said it was nice and then she told me she slept with that guy too ( I didn't even asked for it). I don't know why, but I didn't feel horrible. Probably because I saw it coming. We had a small chat, I made her laugh a couple of times and she said that she missed that.

From that day on she's contacting me almost everyday with nonsense text messages. She had send me something about my phone contract, texting me messages like ''heey player, how are you doing?'' or other little things to keep in touch with me. Now here I have the same 'problem' as dwidrick, I don't know why but I reply to some of the messages. When we are face to face I can ignore her or stop the conversation, but with a text message I have some problems to ignore it.
I briefly saw her on Thursday at the city centre (I live in a small town, so we are bound to see each other at some point) and she told me how I looked wonderful, how she liked my eyes and that I looked great. I said thanks and moved on. Then later on that night she wanted to meet up with me and I told her I already had plans. She wanted to know where, with who and so on. I told her it was with a girl and she became all clingy. Wanted to know everything and asked me in a way not to have sex with her. I told her I didn't know what was about to happen, because I didn't want to have to explain everything to her. I already knew that I wasn't going to have sex with her, because I only want to have fun with some people(following up the advice from this site).

Then on Friday she was at my house, my mom let her in. I was still freaking asleep! She came up to my room and started to hug me, give me a small kiss on the cheek and again telling me that I looked great and giving me all kind of compliments. She told me she was going to Barcelona for a couple of days with her parents later that day and she wanted to see me before she left. We had a small chat, I made her laugh a couple of times and she said that she missed that. Then she started to lay next to me in bed all cuddly and everything, then I told that this was getting to close and she had to leave. Then out of nothing she told me she still wanted to go on a holiday in August with me (which we already booked, but I thought she cancelled that a couple of weeks ago). I told her that I don't know if I wanted that and she should give me some time for that. I was thunderstruck by that question so I didn't know what to say. Then she said goodbye and wanted to kiss me on the lips, I turned my head so it was on my cheek said goodbye, have fun and she left.

Well here's an update of how the week went by. All pretty weird imo.
I'm doing pretty good actually. She isn't on my mind 24/7, she isn't the last thing I think about when I go to bed and she is not on my mind the first thing in the morning. I have made some major improvements this week. I can see a life in front of me without her and I'm having fun again. I'm starting to find the old me! :)

amicon · Jun 18, 2011, 03:26 AM

What happened to NC?

I suggest you ask your mother to NOT play go between in your ex's little mindgames,and that you stick to the no contact you s a y you want.

Ignore the texts-every time you reply to one you're allowing yourself to stay stuck in the ''what ifs'' and the ''maybes''.

GRRR!!

Vakantie · Jun 18, 2011, 03:41 AM

Yeah it wasn't a great week of NC. Strange thing though, I don't have the what ifs/maybe feelings. Maybe its just temporary. I don't know what it is, but for me the relationship is over (I did not have this feeling before). I know that is a good thing, still I should hang on to NC before my feelings start to flow back.
I told her when she comes back from her holiday not to contact me in any kind of way, also told my mother not to let her in anymore.

Another thing what I find strange is the face that she still keeps all my stuff. When she was in my house she was surprised that I removed all of her stuff. She told me she couldn't do it. I find that very strange. I couldn't do it from day 1, but when I started to feel the relationship was over I removed everything.

I will keep myself again to NC and start to ignore her texts, I have read all the posts on this website again and it made it very clear to me again that this is the best option! Thanks.

amicon · Jun 18, 2011, 04:05 AM

It doesn't matter wheter or not she keeps your stuff-so stop pondering that one-in fact stop pondering anything to do with her.

NC NC NC!!

brent.0987 · Jun 18, 2011, 09:17 AM

If you were honestly feeling good and didn't really care, I would say do wtv you want since your good and could handle anything to do with her, the only thing is that I doubt your actually feeling this way because you don't care, I think your feeling good because of how much she's been contacting you recently. Just a week ago you were in great pain, the only thing that changed from a week ago is her reallyyy contacting you a lot which is probably why your feeling so good. You were with this girl a veryyy long time, you loved her and were really hurt by the break up, that takes some time to get over, youn need a clean break from her if not your setting yourself up for worse pain. Now she's contacting you, but eventually she wills stop doing this, she's doing this because she has a hard time letting go and her ego was hurt that you slept with other girl, but not because she wants you back exclusively. This is trouble I'm telling you right now.

Unfortunately, as Amicon said, these are all mind games. Girls can't help themselves, they just have to do it, especially that she knows you slept with other girls its all a game to her now, your ex girlfriend is also a drama queen I can see, so she's in her element, she's feeding off all this drama. This is all a joke to her right now. I doubt that your feeling over her for real so you must IGNORE EVERY TEXT AND PHONE CALL. In person say your hello annd continue on, don't get into a conversation.

Your ex girlfriend is a pshyco by the way. She came lying into your bed wile you were sleeping, WOW. She's CRAZY. RUN.

dwidrick · Jun 18, 2011, 04:56 PM

I agree with brent on this one... my ex would never come into my house while I am sleeping and try to cuddle given the current situation. That is definitely a little on the excessive side.

And yes I do find it hard to ignore my ex's text... but for me there was like a month gap where we didn't communicate at all which gave me some time to get myself together and focused. Now at least when she communicates with me in the back of my head all I really think now is that it is a little annoying and on a friend kind of level. She is focused on getting her life the way she wants it and knows that she isn't ready to be with anyone let alone me. Sounds like your ex isn't even able to do that and is now hung up on you like you were on her. So similar to me in a way but also a little different.

Either way I know the feeling... takes time. Maybe try deleting her number so you don't know who it is and are less tempted. IDK haha.

Glad to see you are still doing good though. Keep it up!

Vakantie · Jun 19, 2011, 03:31 AM

Well I'm not saying that I'm totally over her. It's just that it didn't hurt me that much that she slept with some guy. And by her contacting me so often doesn't make me feel any better. When this happened before the maybe/what ifs came popping into my head, but that's not the case anymore. At the moment (maybe it's just a phase) I really feel that this relationship is over. I'm not saying that I don't love her anymore, because I still do and sometimes I still mis her. It's just that I finally see that this relationship is over and that I made a progress in the last week.

Thank you though for reminding me that she's playing mind games. It's easy to get your hopes up again and then you have to start all over again. That's one thing I definitely don't want to happen!

Oh and yeah it was a bit uncalled for she lying next to me haha.

Vakantie · Jun 19, 2011, 03:44 AM

I just think my ex girlfriend has no clue what to do. She told me she liked being free again, date/flirt with other people. But on the other side I just think she can't let me go at the moment. But what people said before, don't want to be with me exclusively. To be honest I don't really care at the moment. I'm glad that I'm making great progress and that I'm not falling for her mind games nor playing mind games myself (or am I by responding to her messages? ).

Like I said before, I can see my life without her again and I'm having loads of fun in my life again. Friends/family are telling me that they see glimpse of the old me and that I'm doing so much better. And that's a great thing to hear!

Oh, just received a message from HER parents! That she really misses me on her holiday and that she is crying a lot over me. Don't know what to do with this message. Should I just ignore it?

amicon · Jun 19, 2011, 05:28 AM

Yes.

Ignore-more mindgames-the only way to NOT be drawn in is

To ignore the entire family of players.

Vakantie · Jun 19, 2011, 05:36 AM

All right will do that.

Btw amicon, I love it how you always give a quick and a very good answer! In times like this, doubting to send a reply (or something else), a quick answer really helps! Thank you for that.

amicon · Jun 19, 2011, 06:23 AM

Thanks-we're probably in the same time zone?

So I'm awake when many others are asleep.. lol.

Good rule:Whatever they throw at you-when in doubt-DON'T.

CarrotTalker · Jun 19, 2011, 06:24 PM

Originally Posted by amicon

Yes.

Ignore-more mindgames-the only way to NOT be drawn in is

to ignore the entire family of players.

Yea seriously, no wonder where she gets it from.

Remember, she dumped you so she could be "free" and she has not come back and said she fully wants to commit to you. She might never, she just likes the attention.

brent.0987 · Jun 19, 2011, 09:53 PM

All that message says is that she misses you and is crying over you.. OK... we kindof already knew that, but in the end, that messages is alsoimplying she still doesn't want to be with you so in other words, she's not your problem. You are looking after yourself and what's best for you now, not what's best for her. She left you because she wanted space and now she's hurting, but still doesn't want you lol. Looks more like an ego hurt to me.