[Outoftime44]

So my ex's close friend is in a sorority with my best friends sister and apparently lies are going around about me saying that the things I text messages about not wanting to marry her, I said in front of her parents and called her a slut in front of her family. Really it was over Text message at a donut house. Should I call her out on her bs?

[Outoftime44]

Damn was in her hometown at a funeral all day, reminded of her, and broke nc again after getting pissed on the lies spread. Called her on them, she responded, and me back again. My denial is getting worse.

[kaka67]

That's why you go NC. Completely. Bet you feel like an a** now?

If you hadn't heard all the text message bull**** more than likely you would have gone to the funeral and that's it.

That's why they say NC. Stops your guts from churning and gives you a chance to let the emotions settle.

Until that happens you will be on a rollercoaster.

Listen to the advice you've been given. Read some more threads and you will see a pattern.

It wasn't until most people went completely NC did they start to heal.

[Outoftime44]

Thats why you go NC. Completely. Bet you feel like an a** now?

If you hadnt heard all the txt msg bull**** more than likely you would of gone to the funeral and thats it.

Thats why they say NC. Stops your guts from churning and gives you a chance to let the emotions settle.

Until that happens you will be on a rollercoaster.

Listen to the advice youve been given. Read some more threads and you will see a pattern.

It wasnt until most people went completely NC did they start to heal.

You're right... back at it once again. NC again.

I was in her hometown where I got sent home on the train, at a funeral (my relatives are from that town), and find out she is telling lies about me to make her look like a victim... my friend tells me he is hearing I called her a whore in front of her family... Pissed me off because I never did such a thing.

I'm sick of being the crazy one, while she is the victim. That is not the case.

You're exactly right though... Texting her is a horrible idea and makes her feel good and me like an ***. Even though I was fed up and wanted to call her on her lies she is telling. Against all better judgment, I went for it.

[kaka67]

Don't care about what she says or does anymore.
That's on her how she conducts herself.

Be the MAN we know you can be, ignore her childish games, and just get on with looking after yourself and leave her to it.

Karma will come back and bite her on the a**.

[Outoftime44]

I hate to admit it, but I was kind of hurt, that someone I still care about, and was really supportive for, would now feel the need to justify her breakup with me by telling lies... I panicked a little after she broke up with me and did the typical dumb stuff, but I was nothing but nice while she tried to bring me down. Intentionally, after the breakup, put the screws in me. Then to find out she is portraying me as a psycho guy calling her a slut in front of her family, when in reality I texted she was a slut at a donut house after finding out she lied about making out with a celebrity! Way different stories.

I got to stay away. Thanks for the information.

[Outoftime44]

Woke up today and couldn't go back to sleep from anger... Anger serious anger for all the things she did to bring me down, for hurting me on purpose, for making up lies, for making me feel like **** then walking away. I don't know why I care so much, but I want her to resolve the anger as well. It is a messed up emotion. Wanting the cause to be the cure of the anger.

[vanheart]

Ahhh.. The value of NC.

Hope that you are starting to see that.

She can gossip, tell stories, spin things however she wishes.

But, all you need to be concerned with is your own actions.

If your friends are indeed true & loving, then they will stick by you.

BTW, NC also involves not being caught up in gossip.

Tell your friends that you don't wish to hear, talk about or know anything about her.

Back to square one. Again.

[Outoftime44]

You are right as always...

Today I am at the racetrack... Site of our first major date a year ago. So hard not to contact her. So hard not to remember how much better it was with her here last year. But the day she made out with mike the situation I honestly stopped believing she loved me and developed a hatred for her which tore me apart.

So hard to love someone and not trust them for 6 months... No matter how much you want to

[Outoftime44]

I'm proud of myself today . Spent an entire day in a place that I haven't been since my first hookup with my ex... With 3 couples and me as the seventh person... And I held nc . If I can do today I can do any day.

The person she fell in love with wasn't week and needy and neither shall I once again!!

[vanheart]

Proud of you too.

Got to do that stuff to gain your strength.

Stop projecting her feelings on yours though. You don't know.

If she "fell in love" w/ someone. Then good for her.

She's out of your life.

Don't worry about that crap. Do you know how many times in the past year I was the third, fifth or seventh wheel?

All I got to say is that I loved every minute of it & still do.
Just like tonight.

You have to REMOVE her. She's not with you. Was BAD for you. Isn't coming back.

Thank your stars.

Stop talking about her.
The next thing I want to hear is all about you.

What you are doing. Fun stuff.

[Outoftime44]

Really struggling with no contact now. Want to reason with her, so torn between anger and loving her. My mind is missing her, my strength as an individual has returned a lot this week and it naturally wants her in my life. But it is also very angry for things she did. But the good was never as good. This time last year things were so positive with her, I want to make her realize. But I also want to accuse her for her issues and ways she screwed me. Also want to level with her. So many regrets... Confusion getting worse not better. Nc is harder and harder.

[talaniman]

Hang in there guy and stick to NC, and don't expect it to be an easy fix, or a magic pill. Its SUPPOSED TO BE difficult to bring out the best in you.

[Outoftime44]

Hang in there guy and stick to NC, and don't expect it to be an easy fix, or a magic pill. Its SUPPOSED TO BE difficult to bring out the best in you.

Very good advice. That's a great way of phrasing it.

Against all good judgment, what people say, I want to tell her that the moments we had won't come with someone else for her... That our situation made it impossible to be normal but don't give up, that we know each other best in the whole world, that I was always there for her and that what happened was natural, that we stopped growing and became toxic but remember remember why we stuck it out...

But it wouldn't work, I've come a long way since July 3rd and want to use it with her

[Outoftime44]

Denial ****ing is terrible

[Outoftime44]

You guys have been great, thank you.

[kaka67]

You sound like me at the same time last year.

Id learnt all this great stuff about relationships and convinced myself if I got just one more chance everything would be perfect.

I got my chance. It wasn't perfect. Nearly 3 months NC. Never felt better. But still feel empty. The "what ifs" drive me nuts.

When you are ready to walk away you will. Completely

Just when you re-live the relationship, deal in the facts.

Denial is what will get you in trouble every time.

[Outoftime44]

Kaka that is interesting. Can you elaborate more?

You gave 3 months no contact, learned a lot about yourself and relationships, and got the chance?

I mean I messed up my relationship bad... but looking back at it, I was not healthy mentally or physically. And neither was she, so it was destined to end. But I've been improving my physical health and mental health. Posts here have been great, family friends, books, reconnecting with people, forcing myself to expand... It is almost as if the relationship was meant to end to kickstart myself into a better person.

[kaka67]

Im 3 months NC now. Because it didn't work. Again.

You may be a better person, but, she's probabaly still the same.

Take the better person you are now and keep doing what you are doing.

[Outoftime44]

Well I fought off the urges...

I woke up feeling the right words could at least open our communication. But I'd be setting myself to be rejected again. And playing right into her hands.

I'm sure she is expecting and wanting more contact from me. She knows how to push my buttons and DID push them by guilting me in Friday's contact, so I have to keep resisting.

Everyone can't be wrong while I am right.

NC for good! I went through all the emotions I had with her in past communication, there is nothing new to be said, nothing to be gained by contact.