[Gemini54]

Have you considered that maybe, just maybe, she doesn't have any psychological issues and that she's just a spoiled brat who is used to having everthing her way? Not trying to make light of your problem, because I take it very seriously, but maybe she's driving you crazy! I've dated a spoiled and bratty girl, and there were times where I thought that I should see a shrink!

Look, I know that you'll never know what's going on in that head of hers and more than likely never will. But looking at things from a different angle may help also. What do you think?

A spoilt brat who is used to having everything her own way? Princess alert!
Call a therapist immediately.

[Nestorian]

My disability is a mental illness; Bipolar, which is a mood disorder where you may be depressed and low, or super happy (euphoric) and high. They are to extremes that are often difficult to control. The constant fluctuations between the two “poles” change my behaviours in NEGATIVE ways. Affecting my life in the following manner:

Socially, I become irritable on a high, or closed off from EVERYONE, on a high.
Physically, I am rather chipper on a high, but on a Low I'm slow, mindless almost.
Mentally, I'm confused, distracted, slow, and lethargic on a low. On the High, I'm excited about everything and nothing, want to save the world! Or do the impossible.
Occupationally, I'm absent minded, slow, lethargic, irritable, frustrated (especially with slow progression of necessary skills to do a job.), Sad, disappointed with myself, angry with those who don't understand, Feel worthless.
Emotionally, On a high I feel like any thing is possible, and I can do what ever I want. That's the Euphoria, but when I'm irritable (happens on a high.) I get angry fast, and very aggressive. On a low, and I'm depressed I feel: worthless, apathetic, hopeless, empty, dead inside, confused, scarred, and angry.

This is apart of my bipolar. Yes, I do feel it pertains to this situation. Since you do not have a professionals working diagnosis, I will give you info on bipolar then. If you think she is like these, take her in ASAP!

[Nestorian]

I believe thats very possible, but when I looked up the symptoms, they seemed to match the disorders. The spoiling may have developed the disorder or even be the disorder itself. In that case, any suggestions or other input?

"Professional help";)

[sabrewolfe]

Nestorian, you are a fast typer.

[Gemini54]

I believe thats very possible, but when I looked up the symptoms, they seemed to match the disorders. The spoiling may have developed the disorder or even be the disorder itself. In that case, any suggestions or other input?

Thought this might help - this relates to NPD (I am not suggesting a diagnosis - just some behavioral pointers to keep you thinking and doing your 'research')

‘Gaslighting’ Techniques

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse that is used by narcissists that is deeply insidious and difficult to pinpoint. It works by instilling confusion. If you are being gaslighted you will lose trust in your senses, identity and common environment.

The narcissist will tell you:

What you are feeling and thinking;
That an interaction that you believed was decent with another person actually had agendas connected to it;
That your body language appears suggestive to other people;
That a friend or family member has made certain references about you;
That you were seen in a certain place acting inappropriately;
That you said or did something (you weren’t aware of) when tired, distracted, unaware, intoxicated or asleep;
That certain information was discovered about you;
That certain people (you thought were loyal) are now agreeing about your faults;
That the incident (created by the narcissist) was your fault, or merely a perception based on your paranoia or unstable emotions;
An excuse for the incident based on a ‘story’ that extracts guilt from you, so that you feel awful for making a ‘judgement’ about them;
That other people perceive you as bossy, controlling, manipulative, uncaring, incapable etc. (defective in some way).

Refusing to Remain ‘Topical’

A narcissist will dodge accountability in a discussion in a variety of ways:

Telling you repetitively to lower your voice;
Interrupting you with unrelated conversation;
Telling you to let them finish what they are saying whilst continuing to be psychologically and verbally abusive;
Making references to allies and unrelated people;
Telling you the matter is resolved without validating the conversation in a way that allows you to feel resolved;
Asking if you are happy to get that off your chest and then changing the topic;
Throwing in an abusive unrelated comment to anger or upset you;
Refusing to discuss the issue with you;
Bringing up an issue they are unhappy about, and treating that as the focus of conversation.

[sabrewolfe]

A spoilt brat who is used to having everything her own way? Princess alert!
Call a therapist immediately.

Oh great! Now I have one of those!
But seriously though, does the Princess syndrome have effect of a personality disorder?
Anyone know how to deal with that?

[sabrewolfe]

Gemini, I had read about the gasligting thing on that site you suggested, and most of it pertains to her. Just what to do about it?

[sabrewolfe]

I have gained a lot so far, and there's no way I woud tell her Im accumulating knowledge about it. Im getting a little better as time goes on with her, or at least I think I am. After a while, she seems to be able to figure me out, because lets face it, you can only be so sincere about those techniques for so long before she starts to catch on.

[Gemini54]

Gemini, I had read about the gasligting thing on that site you suggested, and most of it pertains to her. Just what to do about it?

No idea - it's too insidious.

(Keep quiet and nod your head a lot? Just joking. And I was joking about the princess part too.)

But princesses do want things their own way, and are spoilt - both of these things have been noted in PDs.

That's why I keep suggesting you speak with a counsellor.

[sabrewolfe]

Very insidious indeed.
Well at least I have more of a perspective on this.
Thanks guys, sorry for going on so much about it. At first, I didn't think this thread was going to go anywhere. You guys were great. My brain is so overloaded now, I better get to bed here soon. Have a good night, I'll keep you posted.

[Nestorian]

Through out my life I've been in possitions where I've delt with women who have been abused every which way you can think of. My heart still aches just thinking about them. The things that I complain about in my life, I often blame this on how I was Conditioned/ brought up, and the things they went through but still won't talk about it. A lot of people say that is "strength", but I've learned that it twistes them and torments them in ways that most don't pay attention to. So I realised that their lack of speaking with some one is acctually feeding their pain, and some even grow to like it that way.

I recall one girl, she was very self conscious, would tell me her BF was cheating on her. So I'd try to advise her as best I could. She even told me her friends won't listen to her complain about him any more, so I prommised I would not leave her. I kept my word.

The story goes, I fell in love with her as she was everything I could ever hope for in a girl. She wanted to be a teacher, I want to be a social worker, and she was smart, loving beyond any one I've ever met. She was caring, kind, funny, chill, and just so much more. Damn hot too. ;) any who so she splits with her BF, me and her get toggether, and she reminds me that she will probably break my heart. "No," I told her, "Only i can break my heart, for it is my choice as to whether or not i stay or go."
One night we were sleeping, and she hit me. Nothing too bad, but it kind of hurt. Any who I woke up and rolled over to see what was up and she was thrashing, and saying, "No no no no no no, get off me, let me go, stop it. No no." and moaning. I grabed her and woke her, asked her what it was about she said she didn't know what she was doing, nor what she was dreaming. We went back to sleep and as it happened again, I wrapped her up so she couldn't hit me, then I aske her what she saw. She laid out what she saw and with every word I was horrified.

She was hit by her BF, from a long time ago, at a party. She fell back wards and hit her head on a rock. He picked her up and shoved her in his truck. (SOme of this she told me be for hand, as she pretty much told me every thing. That's how I knew what was going on in her dream, and what to ask to ge the answers.) She didn't want to leave the party, but he forced her to leave in the truck down a back road. They were around an hour or so from town, and so about half way to town on this dirt road he slowed down for some kind of road obstruction like a big pot hole, but she opened her door and was going to run back to the party, she knew people would be there for the night and she could stay with them. He got out too, and chased her around to the back of the truck and dragged her back to the door, she hit him and he let go of her. She was about to run again, but he decided to hit her with the butt end of his rifle. The marks are still there, and you can see it had to of been hard. (This is where she stopped telling me while she was awake) He then took her, and in her sleep she was thrashing violently and hit me again. How she managed to get out, I've no idea, I had her wrapped up pretty tight, with my arms. Any who, she didn't really tell me anything in her sleep here, but she acted it out well enough for me to understand. I tried to quiet her, and comfort her, sooth her. She kept thrashing for a time and then started to cry. I'd never heard her cry even when here and her BF fought, and split. Then she stopped, me still trying to comfort her, and just went still. I could feel her heart rate slow, her muscles relax, and her breathing returned to normal. She was asleep. I rolled over and went to bed. She cuddled up to me, like usual, and I held her tight as I could not sleep. I was seeing the scean replay over and over in my head, still does haunt my dreams some times.
The next morning, she and I wok up, and I asked her how she felt. She said great, and all the usual stuff. Then I asker her if she remembered what she did that night, she said no. I did the whole question thing, till I put the pieces together enough to relate the story to her. Then she burst in to tears and cried for pretty much the entire day. She was raped by her BF from years ago, and not even her closest friends knew, not even the ex she just left knew. She made me promise not to speak about it to any one.

So you are wondering how my story applies to yours? Simple, she went back to her ex, and she was pregnant, and we still don't know a year later who the father is. I love her with all my heart, and I sacraficed myself many a time to be there for her. Whether it was her abusive mother, step mother, or her poor past expereinces with messed up BFs. She has been abused all her life and I gave everything to help her. I suspected some kind of spychological behavioural issues, but I knew it would be most unwise to try and tell her that. I was pretty much right. I just hope she is happy. In the end, I gave it all, and was not mad, but learning to accept what is even if I didn't like it, as long as she was OK. I learned to move on.

I've more stories of women telling me such things, but that one was the most painful, and the most dramatic.

Peace and kindness be with you.

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...do-341178.html

Let me start by telling you your in a dangerous uncharted area. Why? Because despite whatever your trying to learn here, its based on an assumption, and not the truth, nor the facts, and yes you are trying to diagnosis her problem instead of dealing with the facts.

Until she sees someone, and brings clarity to what you think is her problem, anything you do is a shot in the dark.

You have only one solution to your issues and that is to define the boundaries of good behavior, and stick to them, as what ever her problems, you can't help, because you don't know what they are.

Your spinning your wheels, and wasting your time chasing ghosts, instead of dealing with reality, and that's how she behaves, and demands things you are not comfortable with.

My experience with people says if you can't deal with their behavior, leave them alone, because they won't change. Doesn't matter if they are crazy, or not, as all humans have their issues. The real deal, is how you handle yourself, not them.

If you love this female, stand up for yourself, and tell her NO, you aren't doing that, instead of walking on eggshells trying to accommodate her, or diagnose her.

She is who she is, now who are you?

[sabrewolfe]

Threads merged.


Hi everyone,

Im definitely at that point in my relationship where Im ready to just end it with her. There just doesn't seem to be a point to it anymore, I've had my fill. Any one who has read any of my threads would know what was going on, but that is not important if you have or not.

All I would like to know is why do women (and men), but in this case women, play games with their men. What I mean by that is consistently accusing him of cheating when there is no reason to, blaming everything on him, and always expecting for you to ask them for forgiveness for things that are usually easily talked out but they refuse to. Breaking up, blaming it all on him, then when you give up, they say you were the one who ended it and they still love you, and doing this over and over. And yes, I understand that the insane part is the guy who keeps going through that over and over.
Why? What gain do women get from playing these games?
Has anyone here honestly done this to their guy?
If so, what did you get out of it?
Is there some possible psychological reason or benefit?

[Romefalls19]

It's called PMS man, Probably Man's Stupidity.


That is a joke women, please do not beat me:(

[liz28]

Maybe because the person is insecure or like to point the finger at the other person instead of pointing it at themselve or they are guilty of something and is trying to throw the blame at you.

I am a female and I don't play games. If I want to play a game I play my playstation or Xbox. Playing head games isn't my cup of tea and there are gamers in both genders. If you see someone is playing with your emotions then you shouldn't be with that person. Plain and simple!

[Romefalls19]

I see games being played by people who are younger and immature, once you reach a certain age(most of the time) the games stop. I don't like games, I don't play games. If a girl plays games, I walk away. Luckily, I found my fiancé, who doesn't play games or deal with my crap either.

[Justwantfair]

Women don't play games with anyone's heads!

Are there exceptions? Of course. Personality traits will cause some women to play head games.

*Immaturity
*Self-destructive
*Controlling

The fact that you are having your head played with probably means it's because you are putting up with it.

People can only be treated the way they allow themselves to be treated.

If your "woman" is playing head games, lose the game and find a real woman. There are plenty out there.

[I wish]

You're generalizing a lot. Not all woman accuse their man of cheating without any grounds to back it up. It sounds like your girlfriend is very insecure about the relationship. If you think that you've done everything you can to convince her that you are faithful and she still doesn't believe you, then maybe she's not the right girl for you.

It's no fun to continue a relationship where you have to continuously defend yourself over something that you didn't do. With no progress or end in sight.

Time to let her go and move...

[sabrewolfe]

You're generalizing a lot. Not all woman accuse their man of cheating without any grounds to back it up. It sounds like your girlfriend is very insecure about the relationship. If you think that you've done everything you can to convince her that you are faithful and she still doesn't believe you, then maybe she's not the right girl for you.

It's no fun to continue a relationship where you have to continuously defend yourself over something that you didn't do. With no progress or end in sight.

Time to let her go and move ...

Im not trying to generalize, please don't take it that way and I know many guys do the same things to women also. I also understand I should not put up with it and don't plan to.
Im just trying to figure out what the benefit of those things are for them. Insecurity, immaturity, and things like that are definitely good reasons but Im just trying to understand the underlying benefits of that behaviour, because it sure does not benefit the relationship so therefore there must be some type of something the person gets from it.

[kaitou]

Aside from immaturity and insecurity, I think for some women, they might be confused as to what they want, and changes their mind constantly.