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A4Effort · Oct 4, 2009, 06:45 AM

So tomorrow is her birthday. What am I allowed to do? Can I call her? Can I text her? Present?

kctiger · Oct 4, 2009, 06:47 AM

You do nothing. You owe her nothing. She has plenty of people to wish her a happy birthday.

I can only assume you will at least text her. Keep it short and simple. Absolutely NO presents.

If I were you, I wouldn't do a thing, but I doubt you will do that, so at least make is something short and simple.

A4Effort · Oct 4, 2009, 06:54 AM

Ha ha ha ha. Wow, you all know me so well.
I have come to a realization though yesterday. I think it is a good thing that her and I parted ways because now I have the same opportunity as her to go out and explore. Also seeing other people will allow us to see if we want to be in the end. If she sees what else there is and comes back then I know she will be ready to commit. If its meant to be it will happen in the end.

The only thing that would bother me though if we ever got back together is what she did while she was exploring. If she slept around with too many other men (which I doubt she will since she is not that type of girl) then I will have trouble coming back to her. But this is something I should not be thinking about since I know right now its over and I need to work on myself.

amicon · Oct 4, 2009, 07:26 AM

No right now you should be thinking of you-not any what if she comes back.
And you know that!

paxe · Oct 4, 2009, 07:43 AM

Hope is what brings you down. You will try to get better but always having those false hopes and still trying to contact her when you need to realize it's pretty much over. We learn it the hard way ( I know I did ), and I can tell you if somebody told me before to start NC without any hope of me and her getting back together, I would have won 2 months of my life.
Trust me it won't work between you two and it's time to move on.

A4Effort · Oct 4, 2009, 12:18 PM

Ok, OK, OK, please don't hate on me for what Im about to do.
So my ex's birthday is tomorrow so I sent her a text today telling her to open her apartment door tonight at exactly midnight. I will be at the door with a small birthday cake. I will wish her a happy birthday and give her the cake. From there I will go home. I will not go inside. I will not try to hug or kiss her. I will not stay for long. I will just say Happy Birthday and leave from there. I know I am potentially setting myself up for a big hurting but it's a risk I'm willing to take.

amicon · Oct 4, 2009, 12:32 PM

Let us know how it went.
Take care.

paxe · Oct 4, 2009, 03:27 PM

Can we place bets on how bad things will go?

A4Effort · Oct 4, 2009, 07:32 PM

Sure. T-minus 89 minutes. I feel a little uneasy about it. But I bought her a little cake and placed 20 candles on it. I will go there, give it to her, wish her a happy birthday, and leave.

I know my feelings will hurt and all I want is to have her back. I have no idea why I am doing this.

paxe · Oct 4, 2009, 07:50 PM

Yep, I'm betting it's going to hurt like bad. Even worse, there is quite a big chance that you may find another guy "friend" there and you'll become enraged and god knows what happens. I'm ready to bet on that.

Seriously you seem like a nice rational guy that many people would like to be friends with and lots of girl would like to go out with you, why do you this kind of action? Even after my break up with my ex of 3 years (first relationship) the worst I did is to go to her place, look at it and leave (it was the morning, nobody noticed) and we don't live that far from each other (give or take 15 min walking ).

I was heartbroken but I knew my boundaries and you don't seem to know them.

A4Effort · Oct 4, 2009, 08:29 PM

I don't know. We just had such a deep connection that is hard to get over. This is so cliché but I really believe she is the one for me.

paxe · Oct 4, 2009, 08:38 PM

It is cliché and it stays as a cliché. There is no ONE for every one of us. We just have to work hard for a relationship and if it doesn't work we move on. We'll see what happens, I'm actually eager.

A4Effort · Oct 4, 2009, 08:40 PM

Me too. T-minus 20 minutes

paxe · Oct 4, 2009, 08:45 PM

We'll have a good laugh about it, probably a lot of pain, then hopefully you'll learn a lesson. Hum studying at midnight for an exam for 8:30 I'll be awake all night, so I'll have time to read about it :D!

A4Effort · Oct 4, 2009, 08:47 PM

Hahaha all right.

Yosomoton213 · Oct 4, 2009, 09:14 PM

How are you doing man?

A4Effort · Oct 4, 2009, 09:40 PM

Well, here is what happened. I went over there with a cake. Right at midnight she opened the door and was surprised immediately. I went inside for a bit. Nobody else was there besides us. We talked and caught up. She hugged and kissed me on the cheek because she really enjoyed the present. The hug made my heart so warm. For that moment everything was perfect and I had no pain whatsoever. Life was perfect and I had so much love for her. We went outside and chatted some more. She invited me to come to her birthday party but I refused because I knew there would be some guys there that I would want to hurt if they got close to her. She invited me to another event she was going to have tomorrow but once again I refused. I told her how I needed to not see her anymore. I told her not to be mad because of it because I need to move on with my life. I told her that I need to be OK with knowing that we might never happen again. I told her that I need to be OK with being single. She asked for friendship but I told her that I cannot be friends with her because I will always have feelings for her. This night was not a good choice but hugging her one last time was the best feeling I have ever experienced. If its meant to be it will happen and I hope it does in the end. But now I need to move on and enjoy my life in college.

Good by my love, I have always and will always love you. May you find happiness in your life.

Yosomoton213 · Oct 4, 2009, 09:48 PM

That's good my man. Now all you have to do is stick to it. It's hard...

I've been back with my ex 4-5 times now. It always never works out... it's the same deal. It's good for awhile, but the same old stuff happens again.

You just get to the point where you're sick of it, and you just want to be happy for yourself. Get to the point where you're happy, you'll be fine. It seems like you are on your way, and it's nice that you can be civil with each other. Just stick to your principles. No more showing up at midnight haha.

A4Effort · Oct 4, 2009, 10:25 PM

Hahaha I will do my best. Thank you for sharing your experience and advice.

paxe · Oct 5, 2009, 04:51 AM

As long as you stick to NC, you should be all right. Time to take care of yourself now. I think I lost a bet though.