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liz28 · Apr 20, 2009, 10:54 AM

That is the best thing for to do, move on. You can't force a friendship.

talaniman · Apr 20, 2009, 11:06 AM

You give such great advice to others and I can't believe you broke no contact, to rekindle a dead flame under the guise of friendship. She doesn't want that from you, so take the hint.

Your contact has escalated every time she responds.

Do we have to make you stand in the corner??

I wish · Apr 20, 2009, 11:33 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

You give such great advice to others and I can't believe you broke no contact, to rekindle a dead flame under the guise of friendship. She doesn't want that from you, so take the hint.

Your contact has escalated every time she responds.

Do we have to make you stand in the corner????

I don't understand why it's easier to give people advice than to take it myself.

I broke the rules, so I do have to stand in the corner. You don't need to drag me, I'll walk over there myself.

Edit: Done, blocked and deleted from Facebook.

I wish · Apr 28, 2009, 11:57 AM

UPDATE:

We used to email 3-4 times a week and talk on the phone once at week, but in the last 2-3 months, we've stopped. I know I broke the no contact a few times, but I was not fully committed to it before.

I haven't broken the no contact for the last 2 weeks, but all this time has been making me wonder if it's too extreme. Most of my friends think it's a bit overboard. They think that I should have just left her on my contact lists and just not contact her.

Doesn't no contact apply for people who broke up?

If she only sees me as a friend, she's going to be very confused. I know that she's in her exam period, so I have this false sense of hope that she will try to find me after her exams. But her only way to contact me is by phone. I even put her email on my ban list.

Can someone please re-explain and confirm that I'm doing the right thing by blocking her out? I still feel the pain...

kctiger · Apr 28, 2009, 12:00 PM

You're doing the right thing... trust me!!

starlite1 · Apr 29, 2009, 09:22 AM

Hi I wish,

You are doing the right thing, hon. You don't need any more pain and suffering that is why you are doing the NC rule. If you continue to keep her as a friend on Facebook, etc you will always be tempted to reach out to her, see what she is doing, etc. Why torture yourself? You are a good guy capable of love, so now, you need to heal yourself, so you can be all ready for your next relationship with someone.

I wish · Apr 29, 2009, 09:34 AM

Thanks kctiger and starlite1!

I just wish that the pain can go away. During my first few tries of no contact, I felt like I wasn't making any progress in the recovery. On the contrary, I felt like the condition got worse with no end in sight. I had this false hope that she would contact me after her exams. So I had that date set in my mind (which is the end of the week).

I gave up the no contact the previous times because I wanted to try the reverse. Maybe contacting her would make me have a worse impression of her. In the end, I think it worked out, because I do have a worse impression of her. Now I don't even want to wait the last few days out, which is how I was able to block her out of all Facebook, IM and e-mail.

The pain hasn't gone down at all in the last few months, it's only gone up. But I can say this, I feel like I've suffered so much that even if she liked me back now, I would hesistate. Could hesitation be the first sign of recovery?

Edit: I just wanted to mention that my friends think I've given up on her too easily. They think that I should wait it out and then try to contact her when she's done her exams. They think that I should follow my heart and not my brain. That I'm being too extreme by blocking her out and that she will be so confused with my behavior. When I'm arguing with my friends that I'm doing the right thing, I find myself unconsciouly referring to the advice that you guys (in this forum) gave me. I starting to believe that you guys are giving me the more objective advice, because it seems fairly unanimous.

starlite1 · Apr 29, 2009, 09:42 AM

Absolutely! The fact that you would hesitate is a great sign of healing and moving on! Good for you, I wish.

As far as your friends, you are not being too extreme at all. It is not them dealing with the breakup, you are, and you need to do what is right for you. Believe me, I'm sure your friends are great, but because of experience from us here, you are doing the right thing with NC. You are doing it for yourself to get better, not for your friends.

I wish · Apr 29, 2009, 09:44 AM

Remember, I never dated her. She had a boyfriend and she broke up with him. I was waiting on the sidelines all this time for the right moment to make a move. I did tell her how I felt twice, but one of the times she was still with her boyfriend and the other time she just broke up for about a week (refer to past posts). So I really felt like I never had my chance, which is everyone's argument. They say, I've waited so long for her to break up and I was suppose to wait for her to finish her exams and recover from her breakup before making a move. So it looks like I'm giving up before even getting started. And that telling her how I feel is not making a move.

I keep telling myself that if she's interested, she will find me and that I don't need to make anymore moves. As for the no contact, it's so that I can move on. I lost a bit of patience with her and I don't want to wait anymore.

starlite1 · Apr 29, 2009, 10:06 AM

I keep telling myself that if she's interested, she will find me and that I don't need to make anymore moves. As for the no contact, it's so that I can move on. I lost a bit of patience with her and I don't want to wait anymore.

Don't wait around anymore. You need to focus on yourself and not on her anymore. If she is interested in you, let her make the contact, not you. You have waited long enough. It isn't fair to you, hon.

talaniman · Apr 29, 2009, 10:20 AM

Waiting around all this time doesn't make sense. You have to realize, and I think you do that, you could have been doing a lot of things for yourself, and had some good clean fun, and explored so many options, and opportunities, that are right in front of you, had you the clear eyes, and attitude to do so. Do so now.

Sorry I can't sugar coat this, but after almost 3 months, there should be some progress being made, and some good orderly directions, being attempted. While I understand how hard it can be, one thing is obvious, your holding back your own healing.

Consider this a cyber slap, just to move you along. Especially given the good advice you have given others.

liz28 · Apr 29, 2009, 11:40 AM

I Wish, just move on and don't play the sidelines for anyone. Your only cheating yourself out of finding happiness. Time to close this chapter of your life and start a new one.

none12345 · Apr 29, 2009, 03:22 PM

I wish keep on NCing it will get easier. I don't know if I'm right or wrong but I think its easier to let go of something you never had in the first place. Don't break NC anymore, don't wait anymore, go out more, be around people more, start laughing again and having a good time with friends and family and use your time productively instead of thinking of her.

I wish · Apr 29, 2009, 06:42 PM

Thanks guys! I really like the unanimous advice I'm getting. It makes it easier to follow the advice because so many people are in agreement.

I wish · May 5, 2009, 11:37 AM

Progress update:

I'm still on the NC. I've been doing all the suggestions. I've been super busy, meeting new people, reconnecting with old friends, etc.

But yesterday, I got 3 calls from her area code and I thought it was her (because we use phone cards to call each other, so there's no way to know who's calling). Of course I didn't pick up. In the end, it was one of my friends was using her workphone to call me.

But now the incident got me thinking about the girl again. I feel like I haven't recovered at all. The only thing good is that the longer I stick to no contact, the longer she doesn't contact me, the more I realize that she's not interested. So nor matter how I feel about her, it won't matter. But I wish there was a way to speed up the healing... cause it's starting to feel like every new girl I meet, that I might be interested in, is going to be a rebound.

This NC stuff is so much easier said than done.

none12345 · May 5, 2009, 03:06 PM

You're doing great I Wish! Keep up the NC and stay strong. There will always be times you will think of her and feel down. Its perfectly normal to get sad sometimes. Speeding up the healing process isn't the best way to heal though, it might actually prevent you from being completely healed. What I mean is take all the time in the world you need to heal.

Hope you feel better! We ll always be here for you!!

- none12345

nitelight198073 · May 5, 2009, 03:19 PM

I agree with you you are a friend to her leave it that way don't push yo may lose a friendship

none12345 · May 5, 2009, 03:37 PM

How have you been doing these days? Wutcha been up to lately? Haven't heard anything from this thread for a while lolz

I wish · May 10, 2009, 04:58 PM

Update:

I just got mass a text message from her. She said that she got a new number and it looks like she's going away for some time because she said "see you all next year." Then she tells everyone to check our emails. But as you know, I blocked her from my email list, so I won't get her email.

So... summary: she has a new number. She's going away for until next year.

I'm extremely tempted to call her or unblock her from my email list to see if I can get her email. But I know I shouldn't. HHHHHHEEEEELLLLPPP... the temptation is killing me.

none12345 · May 10, 2009, 04:59 PM

Originally Posted by I wish

Update:

I just got mass a text message from her. She said that she got a new number and it looks like she's going away for some time because she said "see you all next year." Then she tells everyone to check our emails. But as you know, I blocked her from my email list, so I won't get her email.

So... summary: she has a new number. She's going away for until next year.

I'm extremely tempted to call her or unblock her from my email list to see if I can get her email. But I know I shouldn't. Help............... the temptation is killing me.

Actually this is a perfect opportunity to forget her for good if that is what you want.