[jman123h]

I think you guys were right. I went out on a limb to see what really was there and it turns out it probably won't work out. She said she still has some thinking to do, but she shouldn't need to if I'm what she wants. When we talk again I'm going to tell her we really can't speak ever again.

I know I should have listened, you guys are right 99.9% of the time. You've been through it all. I, like everyone else thought I would be different. But I'm not. I felt that with how beautiful this girl is, and how she was the one person who was so much more special to me than anyone else, and because that person I can confide in, that it was worth a shot. And I guess it was, but I'm hurt again, and one day I'll find someone who may not be as perfect physically as she is, but someone who won't give up when things get hard, someone who cares and wants to be there forever, and who loves me for every flaw I have.

I'm pretty sure we'll talk today, and I will tell her that I never want to speak to her again. My first goal is 30 days NC. I got to 17 before this mess. Thanks for the advice from everyone. I'm going to make it through just like everyone in the past.

[Gemini54]

I know it sucks, but sometimes you just have to live it, in order to understand it! As has been said in other posts, you can't put a decision about your life in the hands of another person. You've just got to 'take the bull by the horns' and do it yourself.

Life is a journey, not a destination. You learn your lessons by travelling life's road, as you're discovering.

Big lesson number one - physical good looks do not a good relationship make. Forget about the arm candy - it's an ego thing. Look for someone you can love for the same reasons you want them to love you: someone who won't give up when things get hard, someone who cares and wants to be there forever, and who loves me for every flaw I have.

[jman123h]

Ok. It's time for all of you to say I told you so. We talked a bunch this week and decided to get together and talk. We did and the outcome was that we want to be back together, both of us. But in 3 months we will be in college, and we may have broken up to do that anyway. She is someone with very high anxiety and said she doesn't know if she will be able to trust me 3 months from now while we are 6 hours away and can picture herself in her dorm freaking out because she doesn't know what I'm doing. So the decision was it's just terrible timing and I don't know if I can trust you. So, I guess it's my fault but there have been many many lessons learned. But if it was meant to be we would be together.

However it was nice to hear that she still really loves me. Now I'm back on the no contact train for 3 days now with one destination, and that is being completely over it. It's the absolute hardest thing to lose someone who is the biggest part of your life, someone who you never thought would leave, especially when you take them for granted.

Love is an amazing thing and I guess I should be lucky that I experienced it for the first time so young. Life is going to take me to many places and maybe not right now but one day I'll be able to love again and believe that someone else is the one for me and see past every imperfection they have.

Thanks for everyone's help, even when I was being stupid and stubborn. Any more advice at this point?

[kctiger]

any more advice at this point?

Enjoy life... enjoy college... enjoy being single. Simple huh? Seriously, just enjoy what you have coming to you! Good luck!

[chuff]

So, i guess it's my fault but there have been many many lessons learned.

I, along with everyone else reading this thread, see something very clever she did in that last sentence.

However, I'll reveal that to you later, what are the lessons you have learned?

[jman123h]

Oh wow, a lot of things. I've done a lot of thinking in the past few months so..

1. never, ever cheat. Break up and wait a week if you're that tempted.
2. never hurt someone you love. You only hurt yourself.
3. don't take advantage of something or someone, regardless of you think it will always be there.
4. let time take its course. After a break-up, go NC as fast as possible, it will either bring you back or let you both go on your way.
5. never forget to do to the little things that makes your special someone happy.
6. don't let success on any level let your head grow. Stay true to who you are and be modest.
7. alcohol or any drug or influence is not responsible for any action.
8. if you make a mistake, accept it, learn from it, move on, because everyone else along with the world will.
9. when you're so in love and happy, enjoy and cherish every kiss, every hug, every moment that makes you feel time stops or nothing else matters.
10. What type of person I want to be.
11. Try to be optimistic about everything, now that it's over, enjoy the freedoms of being single and being an individual while I can, because there will be another relationship some day.
12. If I am ever the break-er, be concrete, try not to give hope if there really is none, but even if there is don't let them hold on to that.
13. Sneaking around isn't fun, the grass is never greener on the other side, you're only going to hurt someone in some way whether no one finds out and you're guilty, or if your gf/bf finds out. And chances are the one you have is better than the one you're sneaking around with.
14. What morals I have and wish to follow.
15. What I want out of life.
16. What type of people I want in my life.
17. There will be someone else, and everyone can love again.
18. Sex with someone you love is so much different and more meaningful and better than with someone you don't love.
19. I'm a dedicated, determined person. I'm going to be successful and there is no one stopping me from reaching my goals.
20. You don't have to be in love to be happy.

That's it for now, how's that?
I'll keep a pen with me and write down more if I think of them..

[ajGambino]

oh wow, alot of things. i've done alot of thinking in the past few months so..

1. never, ever cheat. break up and wait a week if you're that tempted.
2. never hurt someone you love. you only hurt yourself.
3. don't take advantage of something or someone, regardless of you think it will always be there.
4. let time take its course. after a break-up, go NC as fast as possible, it will either bring you back or let you both go on your way.
5. never forget to do to the little things that makes your special someone happy.
6. don't let success on any level let your head grow. stay true to who you are and be modest.
7. alcohol or any drug or influence is not responsible for any action.
8. if you make a mistake, accept it, learn from it, move on, because everyone else along with the world will.
9. when you're so in love and happy, enjoy and cherish every kiss, every hug, every moment that makes you feel time stops or nothing else matters.
10. what type of person i want to be.
11. try to be optimistic about everything, now that it's over, enjoy the freedoms of being single and being an individual while i can, because there will be another relationship some day.
12. if i am ever the break-er, be concrete, try not to give hope if there really is none, but even if there is don't let them hold on to that.
13. sneaking around isn't fun, the grass is never greener on the other side, you're only going to hurt someone in some way whether no one finds out and you're guilty, or if your gf/bf finds out. and chances are the one you have is better than the one you're sneaking around with.
14. what morals i have and wish to follow.
15. what i want out of life.
16. what type of people i want in my life.
17. There will be someone else, and everyone can love again.
18. sex with someone you love is so much different and more meaningful and better than with someone you don't love.
19. i'm a dedicated, determined person. im going to be successful and there is no one stopping me from reaching my goals.
20. you don't have to be in love to be happy.

that's it for now, how's that?
i'll keep a pen with me and write down more if i think of them..

Wow, nice. You sure have learned a lot out of this whole thing. Good for you man.

[jman123h]

It's been 20 days of NC, my best ever and I show no signs of turning back. However, today I'm having a bad day, heard some stuff that wasn't too pleasant through the grape vine and I need some words of wisdom or something to jump start me back on track to where I should be going. Anything?

[kctiger]

Yeah, here are some words of wisdom: Screw your ex, what she does with her life has NOTHING to do with your life. Don't drink the Kool Aid, you are better than that. Keep moving forward no matter what.

[chuff]

First, congratulations on the 20 days.

If you don't mind me bragging a little read this post I put up the other night about people leaving your life to make way for something better. I think you might find some strength there.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ps-357516.html

[jman123h]

Whattup 35 days? Haha. Yeah I'm that far along but today I ran into a problem. The one girl that my ex absolutely hated because we hooked up during a month long break up 2 summers ago has become my best friend. We have kissed a little bit in a stupid way but no one really knows about it and it's not serious and not a continuing thing at all. She really is my really good friend. However, she was my prom date and we have been in a ton of pictures together online and 35 days after me and my ex last spoke when she said that she just can't do it and it's not what she wants she decides to text my friend, the girl she hated.

In the text it read "The fact that you have reamined a total home wrecking slut for 3 years of my life is remarkable. I really hope Joey(me) is all you wanted him to be from the beginning.. but just to warn you, he cheated on me with a bigger scum bag than yourself. All you need is fake nails and a gross tatoo and you guys can be twins."

My friend responded by saying that we are absolutely nothing and just friends because we are, and that she is also off a break up, and that if she has any problems she should talk to me and not her. Now my friend won't tell me what my ex said back because I'm sure it was rude or hurtful towards me..

But what do I do about all of this? I instantly thought about breaking NC but her number is blocked and I was able to control the urge. Im not going to do that. But what if she calls? She's the one who is out doing whatever she wants, and I've heard about some really drunk stupid pictures she's taken and rumors about things she's done, so who is she to do this to me now when I actually am not hooking up with girls and doing stupid things like that that I wouldn't have liked her to do when she was my girlfriend..

[kctiger]

I don't understand why you are asking this question... who cares what your ex does, thinks or sees? Live your life, have fun and don't give a damn about the ex.

[talaniman]

But what if she calls?

Her number is blocked, and if she uses another number don't talk to her, be to busy with IMPORTANT things, and hang up!

You don't break NC for dumb drama like that.

[Romefalls19]

If she calls and you do pick up, thank her for the time she wasted calling you and hang up

[chuff]

In the text it read "The fact that you have reamined a total home wrecking slut for 3 years of my life is remarkable. I really hope Joey(me) is all you wanted him to be from the beginning.. but just to warn you, he cheated on me with a bigger scum bag than yourself. All you need is fake nails and a gross tatoo and you guys can be twins."

Congratulations to you and a lesson to be shared with others about the value of NC. You have just beat your ex in the game of life. Your ex got the hint via NC that you were no longer into her and jealousy creeped it's ugly way into her life causing that emotional outburst towards your friend. If anything, it helped you with your friend who now sees through no action of your own that value you must have because of the actions of someone who comes off unstable, while you sit back and come off looking great if this is the kind of reaction you illicit a break up.

[Gemini54]

but what do I do about all of this? I instantly thought about breaking NC but her number is blocked and I was able to control the urge. Im not going to do that. But what if she calls?

She's trying to get a reaction from you - and it worked didn't it?

Clearly she's just a silly twit (from what she texted to your friend) and you're well rid of her.

Act like she doesn't exist. Don't answer any of her calls or, if she does call, hang up.

It will drive her crazy.

[jmjoseph]

Sounds like you made your bed , now you need to sleep in it-this time by yourself. Leave her be for a while. You screwed up, you know that, and you want things all better now. Well, sometimes enough is enough for partners who don't feel loved, or like they are the only one. You won ( team), and that's great, but sounds like you left her out and treated her like $--t. As far as the other girls, dude you probably blew it, face it. You're going to have to walk on water to get her back. Move on if you're not ready to change. Good luck.