[compsavvyimnot]

Life sux, deal with it. :p
J/K
Sorry, I don't think anybody here has that magic wand.

[NorthernNiceGuy]

I need some kind of hope here that it isn't just going to get slightly less painful every day.

It only gets slightly less painful everyday... Hope your not expecting this pain to just magically disppear because sorry bud, it doesn't work that way.

I was with my ex for FOUR YEARS!! I was a sorry excuse for a man when we broke up but here I am strong and happy again. No I have not met the next girl yet but I am not sweating it, I will and so will you. Look around you, at all the married couples out there... How many of those relationships are first loves?? Barely any of them. To think you are alone in all this is ridiculous, everyone breaks up, everyone goes through this! But you will come out of it OK, it's a learning process... I couldn't imagine being happy when I was you, but guess what, I AM NOW! No contact is the only way to go, these people aren't just saying it for no reason. It helped me and it will help you too. I have gone through it all and can tell you that breaking it does nothing but hurt you more.

REMEMBER, EVERYONE HERE IS PRACTICING WHAT THEY PREACH!! SO LISTEN!!

[411Help]

The pain goes away little by little. If you're looking for a magic cure, good luck. Because, we don't have one.

[Gearhe4d]

So...We've all heard your entire situaton.
You've read everyone's reply.
Still...you feel you have to be with her.
I say do it...be her friend,but know, like what everyone has been telling you, it's going to hurt, alot.
If you can't live with out her, the other choice is to live in pain with her.
This is the answer you've been waiting for, right? : Be her friend, be there for her when she needs you, be there for her beck and call. Move into her friend-zone. It'll be ok. Enjoy her company and let her enjoy yours-at her convenience.

But know, it will be painful. You'll see her with other guys, you'll be there to witness her love for someone else grow. And you, well you'll be placed in a whole different list. This list is one for those that can not cross over to the place you want to be. Why should she be your girl-friend when she can have you as a friend and still give her heart to someone else?

It will be ok. You will heal, it'll take soooo much more time for you to heal but, you will heal. The advice given to you by all these guys is to help you heal faster, to grow and learn, faster. In hopes that you will not hold herself to her, so that you don't miss out on the girl that might be there waiting to be your one and only. I agree. But if you say you'd be ok with the pain that is to come. Then that's on you.

You wont crumble and die from this, the more pain and tribulation you experience, the more you build your character. Everyone's hoping that you build it with may different experiences instead of just from her.

I did tell you that I broke off and got back together after a year. I also need to let you know that I did keep in touch with him. It hurt him a whole lot more than I had thought. It drove him to drinking and druging. It drove him to near suicide at one point. This is the kind of pain that everyone is trying to spare you from. It took him a long time to realize that I wasn't worth it, it took me a whole lot of convincing, to make him understand that I could be with someone so lacking. So he took my advice and started to go about his life. After I was done with my break, he was glad to take me back. But if I never returned to him, he would have been ok. He would be missing me but it all would have been ok.

On an another note. During my "break" I met a guy. He fell in love with me but I didn't love him, he knew this. He even tried to date my sister, in hopes that she may have the same qualities as I do. They were not a match made in heaven. But after 3 years, I couldn't understand how one of the nicest people I know, could be with such a witch. It took me another year to realized, that he dealt with her bull just to be around me and my family. He even dealt through my man's chaos to make sure he is around to be there for me. Once realized, I tried to make him understand that he is my best friend and him breaking up with my sister wouldn't change that. So without a second thought he broke up with her. I've known him now for 6 years. He's been my best friend for 3 of those 6. Things are happening in my life that causes my man to be away for quite some time. My best friend, in a drunkin stuper broke down and confessed his love for me. I don't love him, not in that way. It took me alot of convincing to make him realized that he is my friend. FRIEND, once some one becomes a close friend, someone a good girl like me would not want to lose. A good girl would not RISK losing you as a friend by trying to see if it could be more. I can't explain to you the pain I've seen in his face. The desperation of wanting me to know that I deserve more, that he is the one that can give me that, that we were perfect for each other. You might not want to be in this list.

Like I said either way you choose to go about it, you will be ok, it's only a matter of how resilient you are to pains of the heart and time.
Cut contact to heal and maybe she'll come back to you, if she doesn't then nothing lost.
Or keep contact and keep the wound fresh for as long as you want to, with a big possiblity that she doesn't come back to you, everything lost except memories(good and painful).

Whew that was a long one, but you asked for it.:D

It's so nice to hear this from a girl's point of view, and from a the point of veiw of someone who did get back together with their true love after a break. It is starting to hurt a bit less everyday, but I really can't see myself giving up hope on our relationship. I know I've made just as much of an impact on her life as she has on mine, and in truth, I can't imagine her being happy with someone else the way she was hapy with me. I do wish her the best, and I do hope that she finds her true love, even if it isn't me. I certainly am not interested in dating again, and I probably won't for an extremely long time, I just don't want to ever put someone else through what I'm going through if I felt the same way about a new relationship as my girlfriend has with me. It's not fair to fall in love with someone and know inside that they are the most perfect person you could ever meet, and then have to move on and try to find someone new.

Maybe what I'm saying dosen't even make sense, I really don't know anymore I guess.

I do know that I am not angry with her, and I respect whatever she wants to do or thinks she needs to do, and I will be here if she comes back like she promised. If she dosen't, I still won't hold anything against her.

[NorthernNiceGuy]

Well regardless of how you go about it, you will come out of it OK. And you'll learn the lessons you have to.

And you can't help these things, so don't be afraid to hurt or be hurt in another relationship... Its all part of finding the right person for you.

[compsavvyimnot]

UMM... great, I guess.
But don't be scared to love again.
Remember, you've only live 1/4 of your life yet. So much more to come. Don't make her your everything. Live and learn and grow.

God doesn't give you the people you WANT, He gives you the people you NEED. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you - to make you into the person you were meant to be.

Keep an open mind and an open heart... towards others.

[411Help]

You keep saying the same things over and over.

"She's perfect."

Sorry buddy, she's not.

Seriously, stop being a doormat. Stand up for yourself. Don't wait around for her like a puppet she can string along every time she needs some entertainment.

Sadly, your nothing but her doormat.

I don't mean to sound mean. But, that's the reality of the situation. Grow up.

[Gearhe4d]

I got to admit though, this would be much easier to handle if all of my friends hadn't pretty much moved away just before this break up too. My four best friends all had to head back to college and now it kind of feels like I'm all alone.

Hate to whine, but it helps to let this stuff out.

[ferrell_2006]

Its better to let it out then to hold it in because it will onle drive you crazy in the end... yeah it will definitely be hard without friends because you need to keep yourself busy... make new friends or go to the club or something do anything to keep your mind off this whole situation

[Yosomoton213]

Definitely make new friends. Get involved in other activities... whether it be volunteering, hiking, anything. Pursue your interests. When this happens, you will inevitably make new friends that share these interests.

Friendship is essential. Happiness is greatest when shared. With these friends, you will learn to laugh and love again. Your memories of the girl will be replaced by memories of friendship.

Then, when you least expect it, bam! you will find another girl, and things will start to click. And now, having a battle-scarred heart, you won't jump too fast into the relationship. You will take the time to figure out if she is really the "one". You won't sacrifice your friends for the new girl. You will still remain to be you, with the same friends and interests. And you will love yourself.

And she will love you for not changing who you were when she first fell in love with you. She will love you for being independent, somewhat of a "challenge", maybe mystery even, because you didn't just give your heart away like all of the other boyfriends she had.

But this all starts when you start getting your life together and forgetting the old girl. I'm still at that stage. New year, new life. I wish the best of luck to you friend.

(At least that's what I'm getting from things. I'm only 21 years old, but I've frequented this thread often, and the people here have much to share and tell)

[talaniman]

All you need is time!

Building a life that you enjoy, with friends, and activities ,that make you happy, will be the most rewarding, and beneficial thing you may ever do, so forget the other stuff, and get busy.

[Gearhe4d]

Definitely make new friends. Get involved in other activities... whether it be volunteering, hiking, anything. Pursue your interests. When this happens, you will inevitably make new friends that share these interests.

Friendship is essential. Happiness is greatest when shared. With these friends, you will learn to laugh and love again. Your memories of the girl will be replaced by memories of friendship.

Then, when you least expect it, bam!, you will find another girl, and things will start to click. And now, having a battle-scarred heart, you won't jump too fast into the relationship. You will take the time to figure out if she is really the "one". You won't sacrifice your friends for the new girl. You will still remain to be you, with the same friends and interests. And you will love yourself.

And she will love you for not changing who you were when she first fell in love with you. She will love you for being independant, somewhat of a "challenge", maybe mystery even, because you didn't just give your heart away like all of the other boyfriends she had.

But this all starts when you start getting your life together and forgetting the old girl. I'm still at that stage. New year, new life. I wish the best of luck to you friend.

(At least that's what i'm getting from things. I'm only 21 years old, but i've frequented this thread often, and the people here have much to share and tell)

These have been some of the most encouraging and helpful words I've read yet. I think I might be getting out of this extreme funk a bit, or maybe it's just a temporary high point, but I sort of feel like things are going to be okay right now.

Thanks again everyone.

[artlady]

I hope not. The love of your life belongs with you.

[MarkwithaK]

Good to see you are taking a step in the right direction. I just hope for your sake that you don't backslide when you hear of her with another guy.

I admit I gave up on this thread pages ago when all you wanted was justification for being her lap dog so I don't know if you have maintained contact or not. I hope when she comes calling you have the strength to tell her 'NO'.

[ferrell_2006]

I agree with the above its good to hear your doing better juss continue to go ahead don't let yourself fall back into this funk... but you'll be OK

[lisalost]

Right here it is from a woman's point of view, who was in the same shoes as your girlfriend a few weeks ago.
I told my fella I needed a break because I did. I needed to re evaluate what we had what we didn't have and what I really wanted. If your girl needs time to sort her head let her sort her head out. If she values school and other aspects in her life then they need to be sorted too. She can't give up on them for a man!!
In case your wondering I never split up with my fella we worked out what we both wanted and have accommodated this between us. If she says she loves you then believe her. Has she ever given you any reason to think that she doesn't.
The worst thing that my fella did though was start being all soppy and trying to make everything perfect and promise me the world. Everyone knows you can't give someone the world even if they ask for it!

[MarkwithaK]

If she values school and other aspects in her life then they need to be sorted too. She can't give up on them for a man!!!

Am I the only one that has a problem with this way of thinking? Working or going to school does not mean that you have to get out of a relationship, or even 'take a break', to do well in either (unless the relationship is so unhealthy that has a detrimental effect). If you find that you don't have as much time for your significant other because of school/work then the healthy thing would to work that out with him/her. Not give up all together. My point is that you shouldn't have to choose one over the other.

[lisalost]

I didn't say she has to get out of a relationship, just give her time to sort out what she wants to do! She maybe so in love with him that she can't concentrate on the things she needs to. If like the him she thinks about him all day then this may be affecting her. Her education/ career is impoortant.
All I am saying is that he shouldn't give up on her and automatically start thinking that the relationship is going to end.

[411Help]

Stop giving him false hope he doesn't need to hear. The relationship is at an end. When you are in a relationship there is a fine balance that needs to be met. No matter how stressful the career may be. Relationships are about compromise and understanding. You don't need to completely leave someone to focus on a career.

[lisalost]

As I already said I was in his girlfriends shoes a few weeks ago and I repeat me and my fella never split up because I wanted a break. So he shouldn't give up hope. If he wants the love of his life then why shouyld he give her up. He loves his girlfriend and doesn't want let her go so why should he.